Considering therapy

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I was wondering if anyone could relate their experiences with therapists/counsellors, and whether or not it's something they might recommend. Has it been much genuine help for you? What type of therapy might I look for?

Anyone who's read my previous threads in this section will know I've been struggling a lot in solitude lately, and one of the main things eating away at me is the lack of anyone to open up to, or even just vent at. Some nights I feel a strong need to confide in someone, but the best I can do at those times talk with family through e-mail (they all live in another country) or hang around these forums in search of solidarity.

I've been under more stress than usual over the last month or two, dealing with some scary health problems, which are in turn being made worse (or possibly even caused by) by the stress and anxiety itself. So it's occurred to me that some type of therapy or counselling could be a help in getting me through this, and easing some of this sense of isolation. I just need to know where to start. I'm looking at Google Maps right now and am a little overwhelmed by all the results that came up after searching for "psychotherapy" near where I live.

Can anyone give me some advice on this?

I don't find it any easier to 'open up' to a therapist than I do with anyone else. I find myself wasting an hour a week talking about television and the weather and small talk nonsense like that because I don't really believe anyone wants to hear what's actually bothering me - just because they're getting paid to listen doesn't mean they give a rat's @ss. Besides, they'd probably judge me for thinking differently just like the rest of the world, so why tell it to someone who's going to write it all down?

The only thing they could do for me other than listen to me rant, would be medicate me for a condition for which there is no effective medication. I only go so the SSDI bureaucrats won't decide that I stopped therapy because I'm cured of my disability.

Leander, not everyone has such a negative view of therapy. It can be quite helpful in identifying and dealing with possible negative thought patterns or behaviors that are causing you distress. My first advice would be to locate a therapist who is experienced with ASD. I'm also a big fan of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), as it's a pragmatic therapy method that, when indicated, is often pretty effective. It focuses on the here and now and what you can do to make your day-to-day life better. I'm sorry to hear that you're having health issues--but yes, so often our physical and emotional health are intertwined.

I also suggest that you try to at least have a short phone consult with a potential therapist prior to beginning official visits. Have some specific questions written down in advance to ask, such as what that their qualifications and experience are, what is their general aproach to therapy, and what hours are they available. Most of all, get an overall feel for whether you think that therapist would "fit" well with you. Not all will, and it's okay to admit if they don't. You also want to make sure in advance that you've worked out any billing or insurance issues so there are no surprises (such as finding out a therapist doesn't accept your plan after you've already started seeing him/her).


I hope that helps at least somewhat.

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php
They even have pictures, so you can see if they look like before you call for an appointment.

I hope it goes well, for you.

If I'm in therapy at this point in my life(I haven't been in several years) I just cut to the chase. I try to look at my issues as problems to be solved so why delay?. I was in therapy as early as 3rd grade so I'm a bit of a veteran. However, very few times has a therapist been able to get me to express my emotions. I always talk about my emotions as if they belong to somebody else.

That's right - some people don't even have AS, or know what its like to spend a lifetime being told your difficulties are an imaginary product of your own weakness and to just suck it up and do what everyone else is doing, or you're worthless.

Without those experiences, perhaps its easy to exorcise one's demons by expelling them on wasted breath, to an unconcerned stranger. If you're one of those lucky people, maybe you'll feel unburdened and healed when you get to a really sad part and they say "Awwww" - that's how you know they really care.

I've primarily had issues in the past with therepy because of my inability to open up. I can't say that you'll have the same experience, but if you do have AS it likely will be difficult. Right now, I do see a psychologist primarily for anxiety and general coping with that -- reguardless I am very hesitant when divulgin any form of personal information and that's likely been my issue with gaining a real experience from this endevour.

Good luck!

I think it might be helpful to let go of any notions of therapist as friend. Think of the therapist as a guide instead. This is someone who is not emotionally involved in your problems, so they can see them from a perspective that perhaps you can't. They may ask you questions you've never thought to ask yourself regarding a particular situation. It is best if you and the therapist have a comfortable rapport and I have had one I just didn't like. If I ever go into therapy again I will no longer waste any time trying to figure out what possible childhood trauma produced this or that result. It doesn't change anything anyway.I want someone to help me write new scripts for my brain, as much as it is possible.

I've started therapy and overall it has helped. He can see things that my AS doesn't allow me to see. What I really need is some good body language training because that is most certainly the issue with me. Right now there isn't anything in my area for adults. I am also dealing with some depression issues and am going to see a psych this week about that and maybe try some meds to help with problems focusing. That is something i have never had an issue with before and is worth a try.

You would be incorrect if you're referring to me, Willard. Not only do I have AS, but both of my adult sons do as well. Right now my main concern is my oldest son who has always had a very difficult time, but who, thankfully, feels he's being helped to cope through CBT. He's gradually learning to halt negative thought processes that contribute to his anxiety, and how to deal with situations that have historically caused him distress.

You've obviously had a lack of support and understanding. I have as well, but everyone responds in their own way. I feel truly sorry for anyone who feels completely let down and/or misunderstood by the very people who are put there to help them. I suspect your anger and bitterness to be a heavy burden to lug around.

CBT isn't about pouring out your heart and having some stranger sitting there nodding and saying, "Uh huh," and "Hmmm," and making notes. It's about finding a therapist who's experienced in ASD and all that comes with that, and working together to identify what it is about your AS that prevents you from having the life you want to have and working on it as a team. May sound cheesy, but it's real, it's practical, and there are practitioners out there who DO care and want to help.

I'm very much in the same boat as you, Leander. My last therapy experience was 8 years ago (long before I learned about AS) and I swore I would never go back. Isolation has been a constant for me, but more recently, health issues have me worried about the future. I think the coaching aspect is what I most need, more than behavior change. I've written a plan for myself of needs, wants, and goals, but I need help to get from start to finish.

CBT was not effective for me - it's about changing your thought processes (i.e. reframing something you fear as an opportunity). My thought processes are ingrained - I want to work with them, not against them.

I am starting a detailed search. Therapists experienced with AS are few and far between.

Thanks for the replies, all. They've been helpful - particularly the link from Mudboy. I found someone relatively close by who seems like she has experience in the right areas for my problems. After talking with my mother about it a bit I decided to give one session a try and see how it goes.

Last time I saw a counsellor was when I was about 17, and I was dragged along by my parents with no intention of cooperating. She thought that if she sat in silence long enough, I'd break and start talking. I didn't, of course. I feel I might be able to open up more freely now, though, particularly when it's on my own terms. I've been examined by enough doctors over the last month that I don't have so many inhibitions about talking about personal things, in the right environment.

Today has been another absolutely miserable day of stress over health worries. I've had a pain in my lower abdomen ever since last night, and ended up going to an urgent care clinic today to see if they could figure it out. They couldn't, and the pain is still there, but it was a relief to have a doctor's full care and attention for a change. I just hope I can sleep tonight and will find the pain gone by morning.

My personal experience, of about 8 years total seeing 3 different therapists is that it was mostly a total waste of money. I'll add that due to personal connections I had with the therepeutic community, the ones I saw were highly recommended and charged their fees accordingly! We're not talking about charlatan self-appointed just-think-positive new age types.

Those I've seen were 'insight' therapists. This is the umbrella term for sitting around talking about your childhood and present day experience and everything in between. The idea being that the insight thus gained will somehow help you. This contrasts with 'behaviour' therapies, like CBT, that focus on changing your behaviour in the here and now.

Anecdotally, it seems that those with AS seem to get more from CBT. But then there have been several threads- including one I noticed very recently - where people have had bad experiences of CBT, too.

Looking back, the problem I had with insight therapy is that I already have lots of insight into my problems and their causes. I also have problems with isolation and I have spent hundreds of hours talking about it, but it still hasn't changed it. The therapist basically became a paid friend when I had no-one else to open up to. I guess this is better than nothing, but the difference between a paid therapist and a real friend is about the same as that between a paid prostitute and a real lover.

There's also very little AS specific awareness and practical experience amongst psychotherapists. Their models are all based on an NT experience of the world.

If I had the time again, I wouldn't go see any therapists. Instead, I would have put their fees, week by week into a high interest account. By now, the amount of money would be equivalent to a good lottery win and would make me far happier than the therapy ever did!

Well, you have two options. One is to continue without therapy and know that you will continue to struggle. The other is to try therapy with the possibility that it might help. Trying won't hurt.

I just want to report that in the month since my last post I have not yet been able to schedule an initial appointment. It's just frustrating.

I went through a list of names provided by a local AS support group and did careful research to decide who might be a good fit for me. The first name I contacted had no answer at the phone number and did not respond to my email. The second name I contacted called me back several days later and suggested I go elsewhere, somewhere closer to me although perhaps not as knowledgeable about ASD. So, I am now working on contacting #3.

Granted, I've been busy with other things and let this sit a little longer than I wanted, but I really wish there was better access to services. When I'm ready, I'm ready. If you can't see me, then tell me, so I can move on, and if you can get me in, get me in. At least leave a phone message if you're out of business.