Do any of your "friends" do this??

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This is so annoying and rude I think. A "friend" told me she would like to go to dog shows someday. I mentioned it to her today about several dog shows coming up in the fall, and she text message me saying that dog shows isn't her thing. So she's just being 2 faced! Why do people do this?? You try and be friendly and ask 'friends" if they want to do this or that. It even happens to me at work. This one co worker told me he has no money for lunch, yet he went out to lunch with another co worker! I'm sick and tired of trying to be nice and open, and get stabbed in the back. I don't think I am a cruel person. I have a college degree, I work full time, I am a church goer, I never have committed a crime, I care about animals especially and people. During Hurricane Katrina I donated to American Red Cross and the Humane Society. I donated every year to the Humane Society. I give donations at church too! I don't do drugs either! I just want to have friends, but people don't want to give me the time or day.

It sounds like there's no potential for friendship with these people, regardless of how good you might be. They probably don't see friendship as a means of doing good to other people, but as a means of increasing their "social status".

Well when I mentioned to her about dog shows a while ago she did say she was interested in going. We have known each other since 1997, so that is a long time. But I guess it takes awhile to really know if a person is a good friend or not. If a co worker said that he/she can't go to lunch with me because they are broke, then ok. But when I see that co worker go out to lunch with someone else, I get hurt. I really don't know what I did wrong with these type of instances. I even had a boyfriend that I was with for a long time. He was having issues in college. I suggested the he get up earlier in the morning, and walk or jog around the park or go to the swimming pool. His campus had this huge state park near by. Beautiful walking trails too. He did tell me thanks for the suggestions, but did he ever do it?? NO!! ! Has anyone ever suggested something to a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, friends, and then that person agrees with your suggestions, but then they just backstab you? I have asked someone if they want to go to Lancaster area, and she did say she wants to go, but not anymore. So no more making friends.

I call this sort of thing "lying to keep the peace" and I have had humongous issues with it from my family for years. I'd actually prefer the person tell me that they don't want to go with me so I don't waste time trying to make friends with them later. Hurt my feelings a little now instead of dragging on the lie until later where the big reveal makes me look like a braying jackass.

If you figure out how to stop folks from pulling this garbage, feel free to send me a memo. I've wasted too much time on people who prefer lies over minor conflict.

I had an extreme example of it in a friend I had for over ten years who did this constantly. And I put up with it because he was the only friend I had. Even though I knew he lied to me constantly, even made stuff up to sound more interesting, and would ignore me and turn off his phone whenever his boyfriend would want to snuggle ( and tell me later that the phone died instead of answering to say he wanted some time to himself ), and would drive me out of his house with some BS excuse ( I have to go to town for a little while" and then just stay home. ) when his friends wanted me to go away. And just in general was only friends with me when he didn't have better options open. I still hung around him because we could relate in the fact he was treated like crap for being a homosexual, and I was treated like crap for existing. Eventually it got to be too much and I just ended the friendship. I think people like that are mentally abusive.

Your boyfriend could have simply reconsidered without telling you about it. It happens a lot to me.

I think your "friend" who said she wanted to go to a dog show someday was just saying it as a fleeting thought and quickly lost interest in it so I wouldn't take that too personally.

As for the co-worker who turned you down, perhaps she didn't have money and the other co-worker was offering to pay, or perhaps she was hoping to see the other co-worker for some reason, or perhaps she was worried you were interested in her as more than a co-worker.

Next time you might try inviting multiple people to lunch together.

I guess it can take a while to know if a friend is truly a good person or not. It can take years even to find that out, right? Even family members can be bad too, right? I did mention this dog show to my uncle and he was interested, but never asked me about it later. I hate that! They seem interested, but never talk about it later. I don't have any siblings to keep me busy. Luckily I do have a full time job. I guess this 'friend' is just bored. I know she has this borderline personality disorder. She told me she had dreams of hurting people as in murder. She is totally for the burning of the Koran that is supposed to happen on 9/11 That's a different subject. She is unemployed and obese. Her meds have made her obese. She can't keep a job for a long time. She doesn't have any form of LD or autism. She got all A's while me and her were in college. The professors adored her and she was going to be a chorus conductor. But she sold her piano. I still have my piano but I barely touch it. I have had the same job for 9 years. It doesn't pay that well, but it's ok. I still live with my parents. I don't have any children and I don't have a boyfriend. I think having a boyfriend would be much worse for me. Sure I want to have companionship, but after the last guy I was with, I don't know anymore. I should have dumped him right away, but I guess I just couldn't stand being lonely. I was very young, in my early 20s when I met him. He didn't even come to my college graduation even though I got enough tickets. My parents, grandparents and uncle came. He knew I was graduating from college. Oh and he didn't give me anything for Valentines Day. We were together Dec 1999-March 2003. I would never want him back in my life after what he did to me. I was too young and naive, but I know better now. I'm sure others have given their friends or boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses suggestions, and they seem to listen to your suggestions, but never go through with it. Suggestions can be ways to help that person, right? My boyfriend hated the state where he was living in and was so unhappy. He wanted me to move there, but no way! I had this job and I like Northern VA. That's why I suggested him to work out to keep himself healthy.