Damn.

Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ] Go to page 1, 2 Next

Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,699
Location: USA

15 Sep 2010, 11:23 pm

So, my husband has been saying he wants to "work things out"...so okay, I talk to him...what does he do...calls me "maladjusted", says I'm "abnormal" because I have AS, tries to "teach me" how to communicate, when I screw up says I am "dishonest"...AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!! !!

:evil: :evil: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Sh!t... :cry: :cry: :cry:

He wonders why I get suicidal... :cry:

~Kate

_________________
Ce e amorul? E un lung
Prilej pentru durere,
Caci mii de lacrimi nu-i ajung
Si tot mai multe cere.
--Mihai Eminescu

Corp900
Sea Gull

Joined: 22 Jul 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 248

15 Sep 2010, 11:59 pm

Is he abusive? dosent sound nice namecalling u like that.

Meow101
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,699
Location: USA

16 Sep 2010, 1:22 am

Not physically. Verbally.

~Kate

_________________
Ce e amorul? E un lung
Prilej pentru durere,
Caci mii de lacrimi nu-i ajung
Si tot mai multe cere.
--Mihai Eminescu

SteamPowerDev
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 5 Aug 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 287

16 Sep 2010, 1:33 am

Then just dump him. He is just poison.

Meow101
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,699
Location: USA

16 Sep 2010, 6:38 am

Thing is, we have three kids...

He has it in his head that everything is my fault, and even though he knows about the AS, NOW he has it in his head that *I* need to "learn" things and to "communicate" like a "normal" person and that "his" way is the "right" way and I am "screwed up". That isn't going to work.

I know I am going to need to leave. I don't want to mess up my kids. I'm scared to be alone. He says no one else will tolerate me. It's probably true because most of my relationships do get screwed up, even though some people say it's nothing I did, maybe they're just being nice.

I almost wish I had no obligations, so I could just kill myself.

~Kate

_________________
Ce e amorul? E un lung
Prilej pentru durere,
Caci mii de lacrimi nu-i ajung
Si tot mai multe cere.
--Mihai Eminescu

Booyakasha
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Oct 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,898

16 Sep 2010, 10:56 am

He should look up AS and see that it is a congenital disorder that can't be treated - our brain structure is different.

I tried having relationships with NTs and it's harder than hard, it's like trying to commune with another specie.

I'm really sorry that someone as honest and nice as you is being treated like that.

Last edited by Booyakasha on 16 Sep 2010, 2:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

SuperApsie
Velociraptor

Joined: 11 Sep 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 482
Location: Athens, Greece

16 Sep 2010, 12:02 pm

Did you try to give him lessons on how to communicate in Asperger? He will be more able to "adjust" you, isn't he?

- Think of some lessons based on everyday life situations you had
- Have at least a dozen of lessons (and think what his mistakes could be)
- Start to teach him
- Laugh at will

_________________
I came, I saw, I conquered, now I want to leave
Forgetting to visit the chat is a capital Aspie sin: http://www.wrongplanet.net/asperger.html?name=ChatRoom

SteamPowerDev
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 5 Aug 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 287

16 Sep 2010, 1:42 pm

The kids will probably be more messed up if you stayed.

Tory_canuck
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jun 2009
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,373
Location: Red Deer, Alberta, Canada

16 Sep 2010, 7:08 pm

Divorce him and ask the court for large child support payments and alimony because you can't work due to AS. If he is being an arse, use the courts to screw him over while getting out of the situation.

_________________
Honour over deciet, merit over luck, courage over popularity, duty over entitlement...dont let the cliques fool you for they have no honour...only superficial deceit.

ALBERTAN...and DAMN PROUD OF IT!!

Taupey
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,168
Location: Somewhere between juvenile and senile.

16 Sep 2010, 11:46 pm

Meow101 wrote:

Thing is, we have three kids...

He has it in his head that everything is my fault, and even though he knows about the AS, NOW he has it in his head that *I* need to "learn" things and to "communicate" like a "normal" person and that "his" way is the "right" way and I am "screwed up". That isn't going to work.

I know I am going to need to leave. I don't want to mess up my kids. I'm scared to be alone. He says no one else will tolerate me. It's probably true because most of my relationships do get screwed up, even though some people say it's nothing I did, maybe they're just being nice.

I almost wish I had no obligations, so I could just kill myself.

~Kate

hmm... This is a difficult situations. Kate are you able to get counseling together as a couple? Do you have a support system of family and or friends who could assist you with your children if you and your husband did get divorced?

Taupey

_________________
Whatever you think you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, magic and power in it. ~Goethe

Your Aspie score: 167 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 35 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie.

Meow101
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,699
Location: USA

17 Sep 2010, 8:44 pm

My husband refuses couples counseling, though I am going by myself to help me handle the situation. I don't have any support system in my area, and my family is pretty screwed up and I wouldn't ask them for help. So I'm stuck dealing with it on my own.

~Kate

_________________
Ce e amorul? E un lung
Prilej pentru durere,
Caci mii de lacrimi nu-i ajung
Si tot mai multe cere.
--Mihai Eminescu

hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

18 Sep 2010, 11:07 am

Meow101 wrote:

good, that is an amazing first step! it's great you are taking care of yourself.

SteamPowerDev wrote:

The kids will probably be more messed up if you stayed.

unfortunately, this may be true. some kids, in household with abuse, will internalize what they see and enact it in their own future relationships. it could be hard for them to see anything wrong with your husband's treatment of you as long as you stay. it may become normal in their minds, which can lead to difficulty understanding what a positive relationship should look like.

_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105

Meow101
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,699
Location: USA

18 Sep 2010, 3:09 pm

It's unfortunately already gotten screwed up. The as*hole has already told me that my older daughter (she'll be 13 next month) accused me of slapping her in the face about 4 years ago, which never happened. I don't know if he's lying or if she is, as I haven't had a chance to speak with her privately. She does tend to prefer him, so it may be something she said in order to get to stay with him in the event of a separation (but she didn't have to do that, as I consider her old enough to make that decision and he's not abusive toward her AFAIK)...and I can forgive her if it's that. She's not an adult. But if he lied to hurt me, I can't forget that.

I wish I was never born.

I hate this.

~Kate

_________________
Ce e amorul? E un lung
Prilej pentru durere,
Caci mii de lacrimi nu-i ajung
Si tot mai multe cere.
--Mihai Eminescu

Booyakasha
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Oct 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,898

18 Sep 2010, 3:43 pm

Perhaps some "parent/husband" license should be demanded for some.

*hugs*

Taupey
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,168
Location: Somewhere between juvenile and senile.

18 Sep 2010, 4:33 pm

Meow101 wrote:

I agree with you. It's great that you're going to counseling yourself. At least you have someone to talk to who has your best interest in mind. Unfortunately there are no easy answers as you already know. I'm trying to think of something that would help you establish a support system for you and your children. Some places have support groups for single or divorced parents. If you are a religious person, you might be able to turn to others of the same religion for friendship and support.

menintights
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 29 Aug 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 895

18 Sep 2010, 4:33 pm

How long has he known that you have AS, and how long have you two been trying to work things out?

Anyway, doubt I could be of any help. Whatever happens next, best wishes.

Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ] Go to page 1, 2 Next

Jump to:

Damn. Post Reply New Topic

Damn.