Really? is it seriously that difficult.

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I don't understand why people try and disregard my existance so much....like tonight I was looking for something for dinner and my mom offered to make tacos which was nice. So I go to make mine and there's no tomatoes because her ass of a boyfriend took the last of them even though he knew I had not made mine yet. I mean what the hell is that? Then of course I love my sister and my brother a lot, but sometimes they really get on my nerves....I mean if I get upset over somthing like today I left my cell phone at home and was kind of freaking out about it my sister and brother where kind of being jerks about it. I mean I just hate how anyone can get upset about the stupidest things and no one cares but if I get a bit upset then everyone flips out on me and tells me to calm down and talks to me like I'm unintelligent. Now I won't blame it all on other people I have been a bit easily irritated lately....I've been feeling numb but whenever something seems to get in the way of that I get pissed off and have urges to hit something and in more extreme cases I really just want to slam into a few walls mosh pit style or just ram my head into them. I don't know I guess I am just kinda pissed off.


And to make things a bit worse and weirder, I keep getting worse feelings of detatchment from myself...uhh, I feel like I have to drink and smoke a bit of cannabis just to stay sane or at least not freak out about this type of crap. Not in totall excess but just a little to take the edge off because i don't even know what the hell is going on in my mind anymore.

*awkward aspie hug

Uhh I've just realised how stupid those examples are....but other things like that happen all the time, I just hate feeling like I could go sit in a cave all day and no one would notice.

The people here would notice

well yeah I suppose so but still.....feeling like that especially even with family members just makes me feel even more detatched. Its gotten to the point where I hardly see any reason to bother with trying to be more involved in things no one really notices anyways. I guess the only reason I even attempt to seem more involved is to try and feel something...but that does not happen.

Hugs. :O)

"Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen."
John le Carre

i don't know why but you last post reminded me of that

keep talkin' to us! you are being heard.

It might help to try and get your mind absorbed in something else. I like take a drive somewhere or go for a long walk in the woods, listen to some beautiful music, watch a good movie, etc... I find that trying to talk to my family about those kinds of feelings is mostly useless. It just escalates and gets worse and worse. I feel hurt inside but if I try to express it all people can see is my anger and they respond in a negative way.

Well yeah if I talk to them about it they will just deny it and try and try and pull that whole pity act....I guess the fact that they act like that towards me just does not help the feeling of being detatched, just further confirms that I am. I mean because of how numb I've been feeling lately I don't really care about the detatchment. But I figure it could cause some problems.

Hey I get where you're coming from. Everyday I have to walk on eggshells to keep my mom happy. She likes everything her way but won't accept anything my way. She's home 24/7 and between living on eggshells and going to a crowded school filled with mostly gossipy women, I feel like I need a drink or a smoke to take the edge off too... I really wish I didn't feel so on edge all the time. Most I can offer you is the fact that you're not alone.

Btw... Totally understand the detachment.

yeah and truth be told I am not totally unhappy with the feeling of detatchment, it is making it easier for me to not care so much about making my mom or anyone else happy. That might sound kind of messed up, but shouldn't I be more concerned with what I might want once in a while rather then constantly worrying about what other people think about it. Then of course the downside is exactly how much will I stop caring about and will I lose myself in the process. hmm the mind is a very confusing place.