being bullied, & taking it. Then hating yourself

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Without details......Someone that I virtually did not know (he's no longer around) was hellish to me. Worse, this ignoramous was in a professional position of authority, and a flaming bigot. He made nasty comments to me about AS, in sheer ignorance, with related cutting and callous comments - way out of line. Along with a quasi-sexual innuendo and more. Cutting me down hard.

I know, cognitively, he was wrong (and unethical - downright nasty). He's now gone and I'm in a better venue. But, my question: How to not mentally rehearse the event, thus reinflicting the pain? Or withhold from questioning myself, turning questions over in my mind. Like what I should have said......sigh. In reality, there's nothing I could have done EXCEPT leave - or slap him hard. I was beyond tolerant, to the point of "letting him." But, in my defense, due to his postion and mine, it was in my best interest to placate (e.g. ignore!) his bigotry.

I reported him later, of course, but I doubt he cares. He's been reprimanded, but it was just a slap-on-the-wrist (or less). How to do you immunize yourself from poisonous thoughts, replaying the incident and all the possible moves? Dang, wish karma was real. I hate him. And I'm hurt

This person passed away (when you mentioned he's no longer around?) I know what you mean by bigots. Having AS makes it hard sometimes. I'm sorry what this person did to you.

agh! I wish I had an answer, but I've had the same issues for the same reasons. I ended up replacing someone else in my position and quit. I believe, however, based on past posts, that you enjoy your job, so that's not likely an option.

I'm putting a watch on this thread in the hope someone can enlighten us both!

...

Labpet this man is near retirement so he must be in his 50s? He should know better then! I'm 32 and still get bullied. I thought once I got out of high school it would be better. NO WAY! Then college life was hard too. Even professors were mean to me. I had one professor that was so mean that I went to her boss! Now I'm in the work place and still get bullied.

OP, you handled the situation extremely well: you made a smart decision to tolerate the behavior while you had to, and then you made sure he was punished when you were able to.

Unfortunately, that doesn't change the fact that you were victimized in a very real way. You may want to talk to a professional to help you work through the complicated feelings you need to process....it's possible you may be suffering from PTSD.

In the meantime, it might help you to understand that your bully's behavior was all about him. Bullies bully because they can't abide their own powerlessness. Rather than face their own issues, they try to feel powerful by exerting power over others. It's not about you - he would have bullied anyone, because bullies bully - that's all they know how to do. Best of luck.

like many here i have been bullied my entire life. from my father to grade school to high school to work life. it has caused me to generally despise nt's. mentally and physically, sometimes too much to stand.

in many instances i achieved payback. sometimes foolish. always worth the risk.

lucky not to be arrested for some things.

then i read 'dune'. being bullied (abused) is like fear. quote from dune.....fear is the mind killer. i will let fear wash around and through me.....

the best way to survive, let it pass through you.....if at all possible. your enemies (yes, they are) feed off your fear and hurt. try to not let that happen.

dealing with bullies is mostly a no-win situation, in that if you give them the thrashing they so richly deserve, it will be YOU that gets called on the carpet, NOT THEM. if you just take their crap, it will be YOU not THEM that gets chronic heartburn, elevated cortisol levels, higher risk of disease and premature death. either way, there is major stress involved- getting fired or put in jail versus being existentially impotent. what a choice. makes one rather not get up in the morning

I don't believe in the idea of enemies, therefore I have none.