I hope this doesn't become a regular habit! (a father topic)

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Good evening folks, it's Usagi1992, back from turning another year older. I'm here tonight because I just took notice of something I did tonight which I became consciously aware of, regarding my father.

You see, only as recently as 2 nights ago, I think I've started a trend in regards to whenever my father is acting like a prick to me. If he's in close proximity to me, like in the car (which he was during these only two instances), I'll engage in what I call 'unwarranted touching warfare'.

That is, 2 nights ago, when I thought he was calling me weak, because I felt the effects of strenuous exercise a full WEEK after I underwent it, he leaned forward and said with a shitfaced smile "please don't put words into my mouth". So how did I respond? By leaning my head on his shoulder and saying "All right, I'm sorry" and kissing him on said shoulder! Then I left the car to do my shopping before he could say anything about that.

And just tonight, I did something again. I mean, all he did was touch me on my knee to move it away from the stick shift, but it really creeped me out! So I did something that REALLY could've gotten me yelled at: I placed my hand on his thigh and rubbed it, but quickly removed it when he went for it, sensing I might have gone too far this time.

I mean, a part of my subconscious must be telling me that this dangerous way of reactance is the only way I can deal with my dad, then he deserves every bit of uncomfortableness that I caused him. Hell, he practically saw me 3/4ths NAKED one morning when he woke me from a sound sleep, and my t-shirt and boxers had ridden up, thus exposing a lot of my disGUSting stomach and ass to his eyes!

He can't die soon enough, in my humble opinion. But this isn't about him, this is about me. I really hope that I don't have a repeat instance of this 'flirty' behavior with him... :/

Usagi1992

You're acting like a real creep. Just so you know.

And at age 38, you should be careful they don't kick you out; they stopped being legally obliged to care for you once you hit 18.

You have not demonstrated how your father is a prick. Accidentally seeing you partially naked doesn't count, and even if he were a prick, your behavior is unwarranted and extremely inappropriate and constitutes sexual assault.

You really need to see a therapist.

I feel sorry for your dad. :/

Well, no problem there. I *don't* live there anymore; I was merely visiting the old homestead for a day or two. That's the great joy of being alone...not having to put up with his CRAP anymore!

But as much as the freedom is enjoyable, even I get lonely sometimes, and that's where my little visits come in. Of course, they'd be much more enjoyable if dad would just GROW THE F**K UP and stop treating me like I have a mild form of congenital retardation.

And yes, I am VERY capable of being a big creep, and I DON'T have a problem with that, because it's being directed at a person who, I can't even begin to describe how much I despise, deserves it.

Already have one.

And as for your first paragraph, allow me to explain in more detail WHY I've deemed him a prick because of that instance.

You see, back when I was in high school and my college years, I was a BEANPOLE, and was proud of maintaining my figure. But as the years went by after I got my Associates Degree, I found myself STILL living at home, and I felt the only way to comfort myself was eating. And as a consequence, I'm the lardbucket that I am today...and my father is laughing his ASS off about it; if not on the outside and verbally, at least on the inside. He too, was a beanpole like me in his early adult life until soft living gave him an abysmal shelf of a stomach...but his heaviness is canceled out by the fact he's so tall and lanky. I, on the other hand, am only average height, so almost my entire frame is racked with evidence that I'm a fat f**ker.

And that's why he laughs about it on the inside, and that's why he deserves every ounce of uncomfortableness I've brought on him. In the words of the chorus of "Cell Block Tango",

"He had it coming, he had it coming,
He only had himself to blame.
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it,
I betcha you would have done the same!"

And trust me...my father has done a LOT of things to me to have it coming...seeing me 3/4ths naked was just the icing on the cake.

I'll be back...

Usagi1992

You are projecting thoughts onto him. You act as though you know what he is thinking but you really don't, and this is something you need to bring up in therapy. You never really know what people are thinking, and we often take our own insecurities and project them onto others. In your case you feel bad about the extra weight so you think he is thinking all these awful things about you- it is YOU thinking these things about yourself. Its hard to see that when you are hurting and resentful, but maybe your therapist can help with that.

This. You can't presume he's thinking it on the inside.

Well, I guess I'm just a naturally paranoid man to begin with...I constantly think that everyone around me, even my own damn family, is picking on me, because I'm not perfect.
But I'll say it again: unless you've lived in my shoes, you have no flipping idea what the 'father-person' does to me to mess with my head.

I also think that I'm going to eat, now.

Heh, well, that was random. I guess I should take that as a sign I should wrap up this thread and put it to rest.

Sorry about my response. I hope that things get better, between you and your dad.