does anyone know what i should do

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gwennie54321
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27 Nov 2010, 12:40 am

:!: my mom and sister are fighting i feel like my mom is t hard o my sister but my sister is really being upsetting and there both overwhelming me i hate taking sides my sister was raped last december and i dont think she is mentally stable to feel like everyone turned on her when they didnt we are just trying to help her but i dont think she can see that i dot know what to do in this kind of social situation any tips please i really need help


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jamesongerbil
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27 Nov 2010, 12:52 am

I don't have any tips. But, I wish I did, because I feel for you to the extent that I can.



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27 Nov 2010, 8:28 am

I think you should let your mom know that the fighting is really upsetting you and ask her to do everything she can to minimize it when you are around.

I also think you should let your sister know that you have tons of compassion for her and are worried about her.


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27 Nov 2010, 9:25 am

Does your Mother know that it happened? and is your sister in counseling?

If your Mother doesn't know, she'll have no idea about where this is coming from.

Also, your sister may need to learn how to feel safe again. After something like this happens it is hard to feel safe because the fear can be very strong. It's easy to lash out at those you feel safest around because of not feeling safe anywhere else. The feeling of helplessness and powerlessness, self blame and fear can be so hard to deal with.

Do you have a place to retreat to when the stresses get to bad for you?



gwennie54321
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27 Nov 2010, 5:23 pm

the thing is my mom does no but all this tension is building up in my sister because the other day she was told he would get 3 weeks probation max and he woulnt go o jail at all most likly i dont knoew what to tell her i feel like she given up on life i keep telling her i love her and its going to be okay but i dont think she really hears me


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27 Nov 2010, 5:29 pm

Is there anyone close to your family either other family or friends that can mediate between your sister and your mother to help deal with the situations at hand and try to calm down each other? Maybe seeking out someone like that is best for you to do.


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LostAlien
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28 Nov 2010, 10:25 am

gwennie54321 wrote:
the thing is my mom does no but all this tension is building up in my sister because the other day she was told he would get 3 weeks probation max and he woulnt go o jail at all most likly i dont knoew what to tell her i feel like she given up on life i keep telling her i love her and its going to be okay but i dont think she really hears me

That must be really hard. They don't realise the damage that rape does. It really undercuts the confidence of the victim, also, in many cases the victim blames themselves (I know I did).

A good counsiler helped me but mostly my bf helped me, perhaps if you can suggest a good counsilor to her, maybe even one that specialises in people who have been the victims of rape.



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29 Nov 2010, 12:38 pm

go give your sister a hug and tell her that you love her. Tell her that hard moments happen to teach us how to appreciate the good times in life. Every time something bad happens the good that follows will be that much more stronger.