I have/hate to Force myself

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When I am anywhere public to talk to people. I feel really weird, and everything feels strange.

I feel so out of it. And yet never saying anything to anything doesn't quite feel right either.

I try to project the voice and the sound that I want, but it doesn't come out the way I want it to. People are constantly misinterpreting what I say.

Like for example I walked into a small local grocery market with a backpack on because I always take my backpack with me everywhere I go when I step outside, even if I don't need it.

Wearing my backpack causes me a bit of a stir, because walking into small markets, not smiling or saying hi, and not having shaved for a few days I might imagine makes me seem like a shady character. And I wasn't planning on buying anything really....just checking out what they had.

So I felt obliged to say something or ask a question so I went up to some old guy who was polishing a window, and asked him if they made sandwiches. He said they didn't. Only pre-made ones and they were out. I was turning to leave when he asked "are you on foot" which threw me off guard and I said "What?" He I guess felt very sympathetic and thought he read something in me that told him I was " very hungry, and far from home". I wasn't that hungry I just asked a him a simple question. He and the worker there were about to make an exception and make me a sandwich. I felt my face getting a bit hot and I had to decline, and I tried to reject their offer gracefully.

But yea what the f**k? I try to communicate with someone, and it comes out all wrong and puts me in a situation where I feel uncomfortable and unprepared for?

I guess it makes more sense now he was just trying to play the role of a caring mom and pop store hospitality worker. I just hate the feeling of being completely lost when it is actually happening.

And I also hate how some female bus drivers treat me like I'm a kid and always ask me if I "know my way" home like it is their duty to make sure I am alright.

I definitely noticed the difference when due to a some age regulation on the bus they have to ask.
with me it was some lady : "How old are you?" in a slightly inquisitive voice. Like she is talking down to me.

with another guy who was younger than me, she casually asks him "are you over 18?"

WTF do I seem like that much a vulnerable target...........some little kid?

you don't have to talk to people. Most people don't give a crap and are only focused on their useless objectives. They don't care about anyone else but themselves. You think too much, if you want something ask for it, if you don't need any help then do your own thing.