Everything has lost its meaning to me

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What's the point of being either happy or unhappy?
I have no soul in anything any more... maybe a bit of guitar here and there but that seems to be it.

I don't love anything or anyone it seems...

I am gradually feeling less and less involved with my family and I just don't care about anything - the world is just one big rock - the happiest person in the world, in what way is their life more meaningful than the most unhappy person in the world, whoever they be?

I feel completely unable to make any decisions that help me progress... what is progression anyway?
We are no closer to a Utopia if I get far in music and other aspects of life... does anything matter?

I sometimes wish I could just call it quits here and now.
This is the most complex depression I've ever faced.
I've never had one good year.

I've never had pinpoint focus.

I do not feel connected to anyone.

I take life very seriously - my ex was meant to be my soulmate and we stick together come hell or high water, but she didn't have the same kind of mindset - most people don't... most people don't agree with my extreme views on a relationship.

I feel villainous, sad, dead inside, and I don't even want to be on this awful planet any more.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk4VEzZtFFQ[/youtube]

Have you seen someone about your depression?

I wish I had better advice. It makes me sad for you to see you this way.

Yeah only the counsillor.
Thank you happymusic.

feel the same way about the op.

You should get some help for your depression.

The help I get in counsilling is unfortunately too primative to be of real help to what is going on with me.
I am unhappy about everything.

Okay, what you're going through sounds a lot like what I'm going through right now.

No-one can explain or understand it but there it sits stinking up the room.

All I can say is I am getting ready for bed, I'm going to have a bowl of ice cream and watch the film Hackers. I STRONGLY recommend you do the same. Let's worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

I think you are meant to be a musician. You need to convey your sadness and how worthless this place is in music. If you focus completely on making music then you will start to feel better.

Certainly - you can create great art from pain.
This is hardly fun though... I don't know how some of these tormented artists consistently keep up their work sometimes... I wish I could do the same, and perhaps I will become one very hard worker in the future... I have had a small taste of that drive recently.

It feels like my life will always be driven by a source of pain.
Isn't it demanding and hard on me to be someone who creates work from pain?
This feels so lonely...

You are a more important individual than most so you are required to suffer more in order to grow even stronger. The great people are always tortured but they express their demons through art somehow. The rewards come much later for great and tortured people. Hence, how all the great people are remembered more after their death..

When you start sharing your work with others, even if they don't like it, you won't be lonely because it will be imprinted in their brains forever and you will become apart of them.

Have you considered seeing a psychiatrist to see if you have clinical level depression and maybe get some medication for it? I have had major depression before, and what you're describing sounds similar. I can promise you that there is plenty in this life worth living for, even if you take all other human beings out of the equation, and we are always our own worst enemy.

I love the song you posted up by the way, never heard it before but it's really good.