I'm a defect.

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Anyone can argue that I am unique and special, but what does that really mean? Even NTs are unique in some way, so that makes no difference. And "special" is only a euphemism for "defect". It's an umbrella term that is still used to denote anyone with a mental illness/ condition/ disability. It simply means "not normal".

People on the spectrum are often depicted as talented, intelligent, focused and hardworking (almost obsessive) people, but what if we are not? I am not, and I spent so many years trying to be normal that I almost look the part, and I have no special skills/ interests. I have learned to value human contact so much, and yet I am always left out. What a trade off. So not only am I less than an NT, I am less than Aspie, I am subhuman.

Some spectrumites find something they love, and live pretty happily focusing on their careers. I'm glad for them, but not everyone can just do that. I can't, as I said I have no special talents and I value contact far too much. I need to be good at something AND I need to belong. I can't stay for a year in college (I've studied in four schools since I graduated), I can't get a job either (where I'm from, even food crew have degrees). I can't do anything no matter how hard I try. Who needs a subhuman when you can get a normal person who is more suited for the job and has credentials to boot? Who would hang out with a weird person like me who doesn't even talk much and hates most tv shows and mainstream music? I'm so lame, even I wouldn't hang out with me.

Normal NTs (since some NTs that have problems are usually nicer) are so lucky, they can just take their lives for granted. Career, social life, relationships, they can just breeze right through them. They don't know how it is to hurt every day because of not belonging anywhere. I wish I could just wake up one day as a normal NT, without any recollection of being anything but that. I hate my life, it's so bad that lately just a few thoughts, some memories of the past make me want not just to die, but to disappear from all time and space. It wouldn't hurt if I just ceased to exist.

Sorry for the long, depressing, semi-ranty post.

I understand. I'm struggling with the social problems myself. There are a few things you can do to help with the social issues - therapist, groups with similar interests as you and so on. Just take it slowly and learn from those experiences.

Hopefully, you'll find a niche where you'll fit in, so to speak.

you can join the Fightin' 501st with me. I'm defected as well.

glad to know I am not the only defect at WP.

Merle

us DEFECTS have got to STAND TOGETHER

The strongest people are the ones that stand by themselves. They don't need others to pat them on the back, kiss their cheek and tell them how good they are. They just go out and do s**t. People on earth have it backwards. They make you think that you need friends and if you don't have friends then you are a reject but what good are those friends? They lie, they die, they need, they used you at some point and they would drop you for higher. Sure, you need people to help you accomplish your goals but make it that. The goal is beyond comprehension and metaphysical, it is whatever Idea that you want to come up with but you have to create it. The real purpose is creating something, if people want to jump in, sure but always strive to be a stronger person that can deal with any mind test that anyone gives you down here. You become powerful this way.

Booyakasha - your avatar is defective - it's the wrong colour!

One for all and all for one!