Scripting & Obsession to get it 'right'

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I know it is very common amongst us Aspies to review in our minds certain scripts (things we plan to say including how we say it) before we interact with others. Also I understand it is common for us to re-play and analyse communications with others after the event.

I was pondering on this recently and became aware of the fact that with those I feel most closest to and trust, I rarely (if at all) have such desire to employ such means.

It made me think that I can be so much more naturally myself around those I trust and for those where trust has yet to have been established I use this 'scripting' quite extensively.

It seems my fear of getting communications wrong, kick starts this overly organising in me.

Was curious if this resonates with others?

i wonder if i have fear of doing communication wrong or whether i mostly have the desire of doing communication right. with my friends it comes natural indeed, with others it doesnt. but i still want to do it right, speak their language so to say.

but at work then i do have fear to do it wrong. i work in a highly social environment so thats kind of hard..then i HAVE to do it right.

I agree that I can relate intuitively to people I have known well for 15 or 20 years, and that I generally have to use a lot of thinking power - before and/or during the conversation - when relating to people I have known for a shorter time, including people I like, but haven't known too many years.

I am not sure about the mechanism though. Is it a question of confidence? Or is it a question of having difficulty reading the other person. Over a long time I slowly learn how to respond to friends, and can eventually relate to them fluently. In the short term, I still have to think things through and work out in my mind what to say and what to do. I haven't yet learned "what works". I would agree that confidence grows as time goes on - but is it learning to trust, or is it learning what to do, and what not to do with that person?

I don't know.

I think much the drive behind my 'scripting' is the fear of being seen as odd. I know a lot of insequre NT's do this too, especially those who have abandenment issues. But for me, I feel I do it so as not to look weird, anxious of affected.

I was told every day of my life as a child that i was odd, mad, crazy etc, so out of survival I learned to act normal and part of acting normal was doing all the rehersal / scripting stuff.

I think I lack confidance to me myself in the company of those who i fear might judge me.

The extent to which I was told i was wrong as a child for being my natural self, is the extend to which I have attempted to act normal as an adult. I know it is sad, but I am starting to be more myself these days.

Yes. The less secure I feel about others' acceptance of me, the more I tend to replay conversations in my head to analyze whether they were "successful" or whether I offended anyone unintentionally.

I also blame correction in childhood for this behavior, which is related to the fear of being myself. I did not learn this habit until later childhood when I entered public school. That's when peers would criticize my behavior and teachers would correct me. My parents were a whole 'nother issue.