more hassles with my neighbour!!

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I am kinda friendly with my neighbour we hang out a fair bit. Anyway he got obsessive about his ex girlfriend and stalked although less so now her by driving around to her house and sitting there, calling her up and hanging up, getting others to call her, getting people to knock on her door, guessing her password for email. Facebook and RSVP and reading them on my computer, calling up the airline to find out when she is getting back from her holiday and threw eggs at her place. Anyway my problem is that I got too far involved I was there a few times when he was sitting outside her place, was a look out whilst he went into her shed, threw eggs once and one time turned off her lights at the fuse box.

To "help him out" I naively decided to place an ad on Gumtree with his ex address saying that she was after casual sex with women. Anyway it got way out of hand and being asexual and Asperger's thought she would get a couple of people tell them to f**k off and that would be it. Instead she got like 60 responses and got in a full on argument with people at her door. I also got into her emails and replied to ones people had sent regarding the ad and then deleting them so Tina would not know. I did not intend to hurt or upset her or put her in danger just annoy her I thought it would be a joke instead it got way out of hand and she called the cops, so far so good nothing has happened to me. Trouble is that other people are upset with me for doing it and sure it wasnt a good idea but there is a lot more to the story than they know. The truth is I didnt understand the wider implications of playing such a prank I have trouble because of my AS seeing the wider consequences. For those of you who are going to say well I can see the consequences etc I say remember that AS affects everyone differently and for me this is an area I have great difficulty with.

When things got out of control Michael started threatening me and is always accusing me of lying and is blackmailing me he is a crook through and through the amount of stuff he has told me he has done. He started yelling and screaming at me tonight because i am telling people about it of course I am I have got way too far involved and I am sick of him acting like I have done everything I haven't sure I sent the ads but he was the one that got me involved in the Tina stuff in the first place and despite what he says he is more involved than me. I made mistakes I exaggerated (not lied) on a stat dec to help him out make his case look better and at the advice of Lifeline wrote a letter to Tina telling her Michael was getting into her emails etc but left myself out of it as anyone would. I understand that LL counsellors thinking but her advice made the situation 10 times worse when Michael found out from the police it was me who sent it. Yes Michael never told me to send the ads but he did say it would be "funny" and told me Tina's second name and never said not to do it so I took it literally. He did tell me to call her, knock on her door, turn off her power, throw eggs etc. He is making threats etc as well he has really upset me he told someone at work that when people with Aspergers are born they should be held under water to drown (later apologised for that). That was an awful and cruel thing to say. He keeps saying that if it gets to court he will say x, y,z to get me into it that he will make me look bad stuff like that. Another neighbour James who lives across the road one day said to me "Michael doesn't care about the welfare of his cat he just lets it run wild" I told Michael this and he then went to James who denied it accusing me of saying it. Another example is that James didn't want me to ask him for help and called my mum up and told her to get me to leave him alone. Again Michael went and asked James who again denied it. I feel like I can't say anything to anyone without my every word being scrutinized people often give different accounts for any number of reasons they don't want to get involved, they remember differently, they are embarrassed or they want to make themselves look good it doesn't mean I am lying. I am tired of being accused of lying, I am tired of being held to ransom (the stat dec etc), I am tired of being threatened (you wont be living in this house I will bury you under it, I have information keep quiet etc) and I am tired of thinking things are ok only for it to be this brought up again and again. One night I lost it yelled at him and he yelled back at me making threats and I left in tears. I have spoken to a lawyer and yes exaggerating the stat dec was stupid but as she said everyone does it, Michael keeps accusing me of lying he is a thief and a cheater I on the other hand are someone who yes made mistakes and yes was stupid but simply got too far involved so it is totally hypocritical even if I was "lying" I am not and never was. I admit I made mistakes in it but I do not deserve for this aggro and upset over it. Normal people would have accepted the break up he didn't and is still harassing her a year later. I just saw him go over to James place it is obvious he is trying to get him "on side" or similar the whole thing is very upsetting and stressful, I am also angry and tired of it. Both James and Michael are from totally different backgrounds to me they are both typical Aussie blokes James in particular is typical Aussie he likes to swear a lot, drink a lot and worst of all he has picked up I am easy to make fun of and does that too. It wasn't until his (James) wife came and todl me I realsied that was going on.

The same thing happened to me tonight (9/01/10) a couple of days ago Michael's now girlfriend Maria asked me some direct questions and I answered them. She said to me "I feel smothered is Michael obsessive?' I said "obsessive yes violent no. She then asked what do you mean I told her about Tina" she kept asking more and more questions and I simply answered them. Maria then asked Mary-Ann next door who according to Michael said to beleive him over me but according to Mary-Ann she simply said she didn't want to be involved. Tonight Michael told me he "smoothed things over with Maria" meaning he made me look like a lyer, brought out the stat dec etc and himself innocent. I never told Maria Michael asked me to send the ads what I said was that I sent them but there is a lot more to the story than he wants to make out and that he was very obsessive about Tina and she should be a little careful considering she has a child. Michael said Maria told him I said he sent the ads I did not I simply answered her questons. He did exactly the same made me look bad to James and Jane and probably will with Mary Ann as well. Michael was being really agressive coming towards me making fist bashing gestures and saying my old man was in then police he will get me off and you in it etc. He also tells me that Maria has allegedly said if I write to her again (I sent her a facebook message) she will call the police I wont contact her as I dont want hassles but the police would have no grounds I mean even Maria herself has said I sent her a perfectly pleasant message saying it was nice to meet her, that being said I don't want to inflame the situation. The worst part is Mary-Ann was angry at me swearing for asking her what her side of the story was. Michael keeps saying he hasn't been caught so in his words "it didnt happen" that is crap he still did all that stuff regardless of being caught and Tina knew of most of it just couldnt pin it on him. James and Jane has apparently said he shouldn't tell me "secrets" I only told Maria because she asked me was it a good choice I don't know?

You should follow this advice. Stop talking to them and don't get involved with this mess any more. If the try to talk to you about it, tell them you're not talking about it any more and hang up/close the door/whatever. If the police do get involved, I'd suggest telling them the truth and deal with the consequences of your actions. But beyond that, stay away. Find something else to occupy your time.

I agree with t0. You already know that this man is bad news, who will drag you into the mud, and then when he feels like it, blame you.

Avoid him. Don't hang out with him, or chat with his friends or girlfriends. Just avoid contact with him and his crowd. Follow Mary-Ann's example. There's a reason why she said what she did. Do you understand why she said what she said?

I agree with t0 and SilentScream.

Avoiding him and those connected with him is best, if you can do that. You posted about this guy before and this was suggested then too. Is there anything stopping you from avoiding him? He's bad news and has threatened you and has caused problems for you.

About the police, as t0 said, be honest with them if they come to you.

Well on the police thing Maria actually has nothing on me she herself has said I sent her a nice message on Facebook but she has also allegedly said that if I contact her again she will go to the cops with what I have no idea but still best to avoid it. Mary-Ann if she did say she didn't want to get involved vs what I was told she said (to beleive Michael over me) sure I can understand her position and I handled it badly by going in there all guns blazing accusing her. Also I do know he is "bad news" and one of my problems is it is a cycle it calms down then inflames and keeps going. The whole thing is making me uncomfortable to be in my own street right now. To keep away from him isnt as easy as it might seem considering he has involved all the other neighbours but it would be better for me.

I do realise it's not easy(I've got neighbours too, and have made my own messes. Guess why I can relate to you! lol), but at least if you have the basic goal of keeping away from him set as a goal, then you can start the avoidance and disentangling.

It sounds like he and his network provided you with a fair proportion of your social life, which is part of the lure. To counteract that, can you concentrate more on your other friends/family, or use the now extra spare time you have to out to somewhere that might give you new contacts?

[removed - M.]

oh I wishe Lene it isnt that easy though lol although now my family are coming for a few days I will be able to live my life in peace. What Maria does is her choice michael is cunning and manipulative and obviously duped her but it isnt up to me. I will be going to James and Jane though and saying that for people who don't want to get involved they seem to be getting pretty involved listening to and believing Michael.

Now my mum is acting like it is my fault for telling maria what she asked me and my parents qwont help me get rid of him and that is what I want I feel uncomfortable in my own house.

Catster, you have to stand up for yourself.

I was in a situation where I had become too friendly with a neighbour, and she had a crush on me!! ! lol The problem was she clearly had a lot of mental health problems, as well she was an alcoholic.

Back to you, you need to create both physical and mental boundaries in this situation.

You have to imagine yourself as a house, and you are going to secure your "house" ie YOU by building fences and security systems ie BOUNDARIES.

Now, if you can afford to do so, do something with your home phone, like changing the number, or getting call number display, or screening through an answering machine or all of those.

The front door, have you got an eye vision thingy in the front door, so you can see who is at the door?? Have you got a chain on the door, so you don't have to fully open it?

Can you put a man's pair of shoes near the front door, to make out like other people are staying there.

You need to avoid this neighbour as much as you can.

Go see a lawyer and see about getting a deal with the police and DA where you testify against your neighbour and get immunity from prosecution as a result of testifying as well as protection.

I am going to write to Michael and tell him to leave me alone with James and Jane I will simply say hello thats all and with Mary-Ann if I see her I will say hi otherwise stay out of her way. I want to be able to live my life I would get a restrianing order but if Michael agreees to leave me alone or he doesnt contact me that would be fine. The thing has gone too far and i need to get on with my life.

No No No

Just avoid him, I think any contact with anyone involved at the moment, you are just going to cause the situation to continue.

There is no "just saying hello" because that opens the door to further conversation with Michael.

Emc2 is right. The name of the game for Michael is to make fuss and trouble, because that's how he feels alive, feels important, keeps control of the fact that he is in the middle of all the mess. So any greetings, etc are just opportunities for him to engage with you, to start another "friendly-then let's pick on them-oh, they're gone-so let's now pick on you" cycle.

If your game is really to lead a quiet life, and not be persuaded that doing bad things, then ditch him. The bad news is that no one's going to pat you on the back, but the good news is that if you hold firm, your ultimate reward will be getting him reduced to someone who knows better than to approach you unless he wants to be quietly and firmly snubbed.

With Michael sure I have no intention of saying hello it is with Mary-Ann and James and Jane that I plan to simply say hello. I absolutely want to lead a quiet life I got into an awful mess now I want to get out of it.

It upsets me that Michael gets away with everything and that they apparently believe everything he says but I cant do anything about that without making thigns worse.