more than I can chew.

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I came up to alaska to get away from home and make some money. Turns out I came up for one of the worst salmon seasons in 10 years. Couldn't get used to the weird hours, when there were any, because of that I missed a few days and got fired. There were too many people there so they were letting as many people go for any reason they could find. Now I'm in Anchorage and I don't want to go home for most of the same reasons I don't want to be here. I was reading up on aspergers on wikipedia and I think I have the same thing my little cousin has. I also found this site because of wikipedia. I am addicted to that website. Any thoughts on my next more? Stay here, go home, go somewhere else? Anyone on this site from the Anchorage area looking for an employee? Late.

This is likely dumb what I am going to say so do not get mad. I was talking to
an old man a few years ago that just came back from Alaska. He said its pretty
easy to make $100 a day panning gold. We then talked about the high cost of living in Alaska. So that $100 is not alot of money in Alaska. But still got me thinking that
it would be cool to try to pan gold.

Bad samon season...welcome to globel warming....Not enough details to give advice on...."should I stay or should I go?...If I stay there will be trouble....if I go it will be double...."love the old Clash...
I do know that......where ever I go ,there I am....cant run away from issues that are internal by changing the external....keep looking into aspergers.....its really brought me a sense of piece to not feel so "alian".....Can you get unemploment while you are there?Alot of social services have been gutted(to pay for the Iraq crusades.....)but sometimes they do have job leads you cant find in the papers....whatever you decide....Good Luck

Dear Learner;
This ought to teach you that you shouldn't make likelong decisions based on "Malcolm in the Middle"!
For the most part, I admire you. There were so many times I wish I would just pack up and totally go somewhere new and start all over- I am envious of you for your experience (and the balls it takes) to actually do it.
Where do you come from? Where's your family? What state? Are you in touch with them? Is it possible to move back with them? How old are you? How long have you been there?

Bottom line is if you don't like it in Alaska then nothing will ever make you like it. This means it's time to either do something totally new or go home.

If you want to stay there, you need to do something totally new. Invent something...sell something. Take time lapse pictures of the melting glaciers then sell them on eBay... start a rock band... there's a million different things you could do now that you're already up there, email me if you want some ideas.

If all you want to do is come home then contact your parents. If coming home is not an option there are other options.

If you need help, I will help.
Joe

Well I'm homes now. I'm reverting into my old mellon collie, self loathing, depressed ways. I'm f*cking sick of this s**t.

TheMachine1 - I had some people tell me to try that while i was in Alaska. I was feeling so isolated that I just wanted out of AK, so I didn't get to try panning.
krex- I had a lingering suspicion that because the earth is becoming progressively more fuct daily my plans would somehow be messed up. Also, you have to work for a certain portion of the year to qualify for unemployment. Also, I need to learn more about aspergers and mind/body (where ever I go ,there I am). Any recommended reading.
ladakh - Never saw that MIM episode. It was a learning experience going somewhere totally new. It made me realize just how socially inept I can be. I moved back to MN where my family is. I'm 23 and I've lived in MN my whole life.

I'm living in St. Cloud in my parents house. They are a big part of the problem as I see it. I want to try to get to Minneapolis so I can kind of fade into the backgroud of a big city for awhile. Maybe eventually go back to school. The U of M has a Ecology, Evolution, and Behavior program aswell as a linguistics program.

I lived up in Duluth for awhile. I met a girl there that occupies my thoughts regularly. I have a tentancy to call her at weird times, some of them while drunk. She still will listen and is sympathetic as far as I can tell. I don't know if I should let this go or what. I have never had an intimate relationship before in my life. I tryed to have sex with a girl (not the one metioned above, it was after that) and I told her it was my first time and she didn't believe me. That kind of f**k that whole experience up. After that I was very depressed. I sleeped weeks away. When I finally pulled out of that and started trying to interact with other people and open up alittle. I befriended some new people. One of them acted strange around me and I told a roommate I though he might be gay. This got back around to him and he tweaked and adimately claimed he was not gay. I have gay friends and I have no problem with what other people want to do aslong as it all consensual. I ended up hang out with the guy again after everything cooled down and by that point my mind was going around the twist so much I thought I might be gay. I am atracted to women but I thought maybe that was the reason I felt out of place and wasn't able to start a relationship or even get laid. So one drunken night the dude started coming onto me (the one that claimed to not be gay). I am open minded so I decided to see if that was some hurdle I couldn't get over somewhere in my subconscious. Like my first encounter with a girl the first encounter with a guy didn't work either. And now I know that doesn't do it for me and I have even more dislike for Freud. I don't know if the feeling for the girl from duluth are integral to all this or what. What a mess I've made for myself. I don't try to burn bridges but they always seem to start on fire. Sorry about the ramblings. Any insight? Help in any for would be great.

I went to college at 23 (for 3 years). It was not perfect but it was a 100 times better
than staying at home with my mom. It allows you to get money either by grants or student loans basically you can live on while in school. It maybe too late to get the paper work ready for the Fall but I think you should act now and not delay. Get the
paperwork processing for the spring 2007.
I was older when I first slept with a girl it did not go perfect but I still wanted to try it again with her. The problem I had was it was very hard to reach orgasm. This
had nothing to do with a disorder or being gay. It was just a part of masturbatory
practice leading to over stimulation and the use of SSRI. Oh I use Prozac now and it does not have the orgasm delaying side effect (for me anyway).

Yeah going to school again is a must the way I see it from where I'm standing. Finding a job between now an then is a must too. My ma is threatening to kick me out if I don't find one quick. She can't or doesn't not want to try to relate to where I'm coming from. Will there be an upswing, is this a never ending downward spiral, to try to live free garantees imposed limitations from others. I wish I could forget to read between the cracks.

HI learner...fellow Minnesoootan here I went to high school in Duluth and college in St.Cloud(not a business major...can you believe that)I lived in Minneapolis for years but got sick of the "gangsters"so I have been migrating away from it...first uptown(to expensive)St.Louis Park...cheaper but still safe and only about 10 min from uptown..then Plymouth,ok but a little "suburbi"for me, and now I'm in New Hope...about 20 min from downtown but cultural diverse,fairly reasonable rents and ok safe wise(stillsome gangters but not in your face)


Duluth....sucks in the winter...lots of hills and ice and snow...yuck,but its beautiful the two months that arent winter(lol)...except its cloudy alot and thought thats nice on the eyes...less bright days...it was easy to get depressed,for me....I kind of have a love/hate relationship with the place(great place to hunt for agates,though!!)

Jobs....aghhhh...the whole process makes me literally sick to my stomach....what to wear,what to say,where to try,I tend to set my sites very low just to avoid rejection...ie...have college degree and working for 10.oo an hour changing adult briefs for DD clients(reach for the stars baby!! !)Actually,I know I'm helping the guys and I do like them but sometimes its a bit depressing...

I dont know what your work experience and interests are but I have found the best way for me to work around my sensory over-load issues, social phobias and fear of driving ...is to work over nights...there are alot of social service jobs that require no degree or a minimum PCA course that took me about a month to get(going fulltime)was really easy but most jobs dont even require this,anymore...unless you want to work in "retirement home" whiich I avoid like the plegue(the smells and very depressing)I really liked working with teenagers....they are desperate for people to work the "grave yard" shift and you have time to study but I never had the energy to go to class after staying awake all night...others there seemed to have no problem with this...an option anyway..
If you do end up getting a job in a pizza place or somthing...you should consider doing volunteer work at a social service or environmental agency and then you will have something to put on a resume if you decide to work while you fo to university...There are some cool people working door to door for environmental agencys in Minneapolis...you seem to have both the compassion and the verbal skills to do well in this area...

I am 42 and have a boyfriend (clear that up so you dont think I'm hittin on you)so if you want to PM me to talk feel free to...I would like to help if I can...been there done that(not very well,but... )might have some useful info ...

Many of my boyfriends have been virgin or "nearly
virgins...it is hard to believe in this society that pushs sex at us...but I did believe them.I dont think it was ever a turn off for me...its different with every person anyway, so the idea that some guy is "experienced" and there for better lover is a load of crap...A good lover is someone who shows curiosity,openmindedness,concern for the other persons needs and feelings and has the "passion" for the experience..."oh...ho hum...more sex" is pretty boring attitude in a partner...and being able to teach them what you like is better then some "casanova" who already thinks he knows it all(guess,what guys...different girls like different things....we are not robots who allrespond to the same "playboy forum clishas)If you had a bad experience with a female or even a few...dont give up...you were with the "wrong" person....a loving partner is not going to hate you because you hade some difficulty getting things "going" or got things "going" a little too fast....try,try again was specificaly coined for this very situation...and bless the young hormones that make this possible

poor social skills may put you at a statistical disadvantage but there are girls who like intelligent,funny,shy guys....they just rarely approach us ...open your eyes...they are out there waiting and dreaming about you(I'm off the market now...but I wish I had met some aspie males
when I was still in heat.... )

I'm hung up on a particular girl that I meet in Duluth. She was the first person that ever f*cking remotely understood me. Then after meeting her she went to Alaska to work. That was 2 years ago. I can't f*cking let go. And all this time I've spent thinking about it has probably distorted the clarity of those memories. I'm sure I've creeped her out with calls and letters over those 2 years. I feel I have to resolve this in some way but I don't know how. Listen to Sweet Illusions by Ryan Adams if you want to hear a song that sums up the last 2 years for me.

Its a weird feeling knowing what you need to do to get to where you need to be, but not having the motivation and/or incentive to get there. The trip from a to b will be filled with friends traped in circles (if any at all), false sympathy and commitment to systems and ideas I could care less about and vaguely even beleive exist. Nothing and no one stays the same so why should I. But how do I break this levy?

Anyone know any burn victims that need a penis? I got one thats not being used, well only as a distraction.

Kill wh***y. Peace.

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy

I think I need to be medicated.

Too many puppies.
In foreign lands.
Too many puppies.
With guns in their hands.

All my family does is watch the idiot box.
Its depressing, so what do I do when I'm around them to not think about it.
I watch the magical spirit box that tells me what I should be and what I should buy and most importantly that every is alright in the world. Do not resist, go with the flow, be a fat stupid american and all your dreams will fall in your lap with out even trying. Your break will come, just hold out a little longer. Life is what you make of it. But all these stupid f*cks have made s**t or nothing at all and there no room for those that can't help how much they live. So what to do. I want to eliminate every bit of false hope I see. True hope is in the eyes of those that have forgot how to cry but still where their hearts on their sleeve. I can't make it work. If I have to look into the eyes of another empty soul I'll become whatever they are. Any that will not be good for anyone. If I give up and I'm still breathing humanity will suffer, I promise that. Is it me that no one understands, or do I just not understand anyone. Its a tough life when you're constantly waiting for everyone to catch up. Or maybe Its like when you hear a song and you can sing along while its playing, but can't for the life of you remember what the words are when its not. I want to belong. I want to help. I want to contribute. But when I am around those that do they don't let me. Being able to hold two contradictory ideas in your head at one time is supposed to be the sign of true genius. What happens when you're so good at it you can't convince yourself to proceed with anything. Its also a bit little what Orwell ment by double think. Knowing whats true, but knowing that their are those that fear, no hate, the truth so much it make everyone else hate it too.

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy

Find yourself a girl and settle down.
Live a simple life in a quiet town.

Your friends have shown a kink in the single life.
You've had too much to think, now you need a wife.

Well here we go again, you've found yourself a friend, that knows you well.
But no matter what you do, you'll always feel as though the truth has failed.

How did humanity get so low. How did it slip. How much further down will it go.

everyone ignores me. i can't do this without help. no one understands. people ignore what they don't understand. can no one see me. if no one sees me do i not exist?

Yeah people with aspergers are not going to win any awards for supporting
their fellow man in need. A few aspies can understand parts of other aspies
lives but thats about it. My thoughts are trying to get real support you need from
other aspies is going to lead to you not getting the support you need.

That girl you have a crush on is she an aspie? Im guessing she is not. Meaning
do not feel bad if you do not get the support you need here.

------------gotta run my sister just walked in--------------

learner i know exactly how you feel/ im probably alot older than you and im STILL a virgin. i haven't even had a blowjob. the only action my penis has seen in all of my 26 years was when i was hitchiking and the fool behind the wheel insisted he play with my penis for the ride. yeah. so don't think its so bad bro just know that i am out there somewhere.