It never ends

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I don’t know what to do i just want this to stop. One minute im happy the next im not. I start thinking about ways i could kill myself when i feel depressed.
I don't want to die. I get these feelings everyday. Im not going to kill myself.
I just really wish i could stop feeling this way EVERY OTHER MINUTE EVERY DAY.
it never ends

My therapist says it’s because i moved and i need to get used to the change.
But i have been feeling like this for a long time. I might get better for some time but always gets worse again

Before I moved she didn't take me seriously either and I pretty much felt this way then too.

I can’t speak to people I can’t be emotional; if I try to sound happy about something it feels fake.
If I don’t they think I’m rude. I don't even know if i do feel happy about anything
I can’t concentrate or think when someone asks me something or talks to me or talks at all.

They probably think I’m boring, selfish and arrogant. cause i never say anything (and only speak when i have to , so I only ask for things and i'm never social with the others, don't seem interested to be eighter)

They probably think i can't understand them at all most of the time and that i don't know anything.
they don't know me but i can't be the person i usually am around them. Not that I like that person either.

I can't speak to anyone about how i feel. Because then i have to speak to them. That’s the whole reason I feel bad in the first place.

i don't even want to write a post because I’m so afraid someone will think I’m stupid for writing it

I can't even tell my stupid therapist that she's wrong and that i feel really really bad. And that she is paid to help me not blab about how well I’m doing and then go home. i haven't told her i think about dying sometimes so I guess i only have myself to blame.

I don’t know what to do. Should I continue to feel bad and hope I will learn to be myself and to talk to people? Is there any point? I had this problem my whole life and I’m not making any progress so far.

Hey, pointblank. I don't think you're stupid.

Perhaps you could respectfully suggest to your therapist that you don't feel your time together is helping you so much, and see if there's a different approach you could take. Therapists tend to be geared towards NTs, see.

And you can always ask for help here; well done for doing so, it sounds like that might have been difficult for you. I know I'm not good at asking for help. It's definitely a good idea to discuss things here, it's like having a great big think tank to help work with your problems.

If you wrote down how you feel, would your therapist be willing to read it? Sometimes that's easier than talking. But it only works if the therapist is willing to read.

Maybe you are meant to be a writer and you have never realized it until now. You have these horrible emotions because they are simply showing you how to convey it in the form of literature. Some people are born to write, that is there form of communication with the world and it makes them feel better once they realize this.

You should print out what you've shared with us and give it to your therapist to read, and hopefully she would understand.

i have a piece of paper i made for her to read. Im gonna give it to her tomorrow at my appointment.

I have talked to her. I didn't even need the note and I haven't felt bad once Today. YAYYYY!! !
I have also talked to the staff and we have made a plan. I got two hugs yesterday too

Great to hear that things are going better for you!

Even though you didn't use the note, it may be that writing it out helped you to get in touch with things enough to be able to talk about it. You might want to remember that and journal (either publically or privately) about things in between your sessions to help you clarify your thoughts and feelings and be able to express them more clearly in session times.

Terrific news and here's a virtual hug for you as well: *hug*