People imitating you?

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I wonder, do other people have this odd problem. Briefly, looks like some people around me (not all, thanks God) seem to be imitating, or absorbing, or whatever it is called - some of my traits. For an example, preoccupation with rules, being pedantic, being a spelling and grammar Nazi, insisiting of calling things with their proper names, fascination with things that give direct measurable output like scales and thermometers, etc.

I have my husband and a colleague at work who seem to have gotten a lot more Aspie-ish over the years. Now my husband, it's quite normal, spouses get to be like each other over time, though I got the creeps the other night hearing him argue with a taxi driver about the PROPER name of a street. Or hearing him sing weird little self-invented songs all over and over again, as I do. Or seeing him sort out his food in a way that is painfully familiar to me, I used to that, I don't do it any more. Or feeling the need to check the thermometer, though he admits himself that it doesn't matter at all if it's 73 or 75 degrees. And he's a NT through and through, actually.

But a colleague at work, that's another thing. One of those people that have no mind of their own and they live by other people's opinions and a NT, as a matter of fact.
So she used to cut her hair like me at some time. She used to take the same pills I did though she didn't actually need them - fortunately, she stopped doing that. Now she has somehow internalized my proneness to being pedantic and it is really scary to see a person who has no idea about, say, how a certain lab protocol works, argue over it just because she's seen me argue over how things should be done on a number of occasions. The difference being that I know why am I arging and she doesn't and it shows quite a lot. Also, I have some trouble with accepting authority which now I see she's trying to imitate too, not realising that she might get fired any moment now. For God's sake, the stupid woman even imitates my own annoying habit of not saying hello and goodbye. There are a myriad of other little things too.

Mind, I am not the person who would make people do things they don't like, on the contrary, I mind my own business and mess up with others only if they are really hard on me. I do wonder, am I pressing people around me into my own rigid thinking patterns or is this a random thing? Also, I do realise that I have a rigid personality and that I act in an odd manner and I do try to work on that. Why then shoud people imitate precisely the things I am trying to change about me? Why, for God's sake, should somebody consciously try to be ME?

Last edited by Severus on 21 Nov 2010, 3:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can only think of two people who have ever tried to be like me, and one of them did that because he could not find an identity of his own. Overall, I would say to just be careful you do not ever play into becoming anybody's "guru".

I am not saying that your observations are not true, mind you, but maybe in some cases you are simply more aware of your own behaviour patterns today than you used to be and thus you are more likely to spot them in others, thereby getting the impression that they are imitating you? Of course, it could be any kind of combination between these two and possibly even some more factors.

Hi, I've never had people emulate me to anywhere near that degree, but have had people copy little things I do a time or two and it gave me the creeps. For example I had a friend in High School who once took off or put on her jacket every time I did (and I did this several times in a span of about 15 minutes because I couldn't decide if I was hot or cold) and last night I was talking to a friend while wringing/messing with my hands and then noticed that she would hold her hands the same way I did and would change them to match mine within a few minutes if I changed them. I don’t think they did these things consciously.

As for why people would try to imitate you, have you considered that they may respect you? As you say it is rather natural for partners to become like each other and I would hope your husband likes and respects you. Maybe your co-worker does too. I’ve noticed many women seem to have problems with low self-esteem, especially ones that ware lots of make up and follow trends excessively. They seem desperate to be liked and accepted and will do anything to be ‘part of the herd’ so to speak. In doing your own thing you have set yourself apart and maybe she respects you for this. She may consider your odd behaviors signs of confidence and independence and assume that you have consciously decided to be different. If this is the case she likely wants to be independent like you but isn’t confident enough to be independently herself and thus uses you as a model, imitating the very differences you, ironically enough, are trying to minimize. She may not even be doing it consciously. I think it is fairly normal for NTs to imitate people they like (I think this tendency is the driving force behind fashions) and after all, why shouldn’t someone like you? You may be giving yourself too little credit

What SunConure just said made me remember that there is something in the human brain that is usually referred to as "mirror neurons". They help in figuring out how other people feel and in reading their body language, so I reckon it is quite likely that they work somewhat differently in Aspies than they do in NTs.

One of the things mirror neurons do is to make us imitate the movements and body language of people we like or respect. Some of the time it is not very obvious, it can even be restricted to the brain simulating the imitation of the movement and not telling the muscles to actually do it, but sometimes it gets to executing the mirrored motion and that may be what happened when SunConure's friend imitated those hand wringing movements.

Just a thought really, but maybe this is a part of what takes place in the situatons you two describe here.

Can't help it, i'm contagious .

Thanks for the replies everybody. I agree that my husband's behaviour could be explained in the way SunConure and FluffyDog said - bless him, he's had enough of my weirdness, I really shouldn't get annoyed over it. Blimey, I am like an ex-smoker, they are often more intolerant of smoking that people who never smoked.
As for friends or just people around you repeating your movements, I think that this is employed in the so-called neuro-linguistic programming (if I am not terribly wrong about the term) so as to make people like you and as a sign that they actually like you. Though, I myself have never seen it work.

The other case though - I think I really have to admit now that the colleague in question actually behaves in an outrageous manner towards me, she is definitely rude and a bit of a verbal bully, though she can't actually do any damage as I don't pay much attention to her antics and I don't really need to bite back , figuratively said - I know that only the sight of me pawing the ground scares the hell out of her. This makes the imitation issues look even more bizarre though.

leejosepho wrote:

Well I think that this must be the case.

Long time go my sister tried to copy me. Total failure because she had no idea who I am.

A possibility to consider - some of the people in question may have traits that put them at least on the spectral fringe - and proximity to you may let them lower the veils. Works likde that with me - certain people I reduce the level of acting.

Thanks, I think that's another very possible explanation. They only see the external display and since they don't have the same moving mechanisms, it comes out totally distorted and out of character.



Ah, I don't think so. At least not with the female colleague. I have known her for years, she is a common and garden NT who thrives on human interaction. But then, as leejosepho said and as I mentioned in the first post, she has no identity of her own and uses other people's opinions as substitutes. That would explain the fact that she chooses unwisely who to imitate, she does not have the resources to evaluate whether what she's imitating is good or bad for her,

Okay, yeah, I know her - that is, I have met people who take on whoever is closest at the moment.

I'd like to throw my vote in with Sun Conure's, at least in the case of your husband. I'm a NT who is married to an Aspie man. I have little bits of my personality that are a little bit Aspie, even though I score very high on the NT scale when tested. Being around my husband makes it more "ok" to express these quirks or tendencies. Here are a few examples: I hate it when people don't know how to pronounce words and I will sometimes correct them. I can be blunt to the point of being a jerk and that comes out when I'm around my husband for a long period of time. I think that I copy because the traits are already there and his presence gives me social leeway to do so.

The woman at your work sounds like she has emotional problems. I'd have to know more about her to shed light on what the specifics are.