how to 'get over it'?

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I'm doing well and *mostly* over what was done to me by the errant public health nurse (previous topic, no need for details), which was inflicted upon me some time ago. Yet, at times, in private, I can be gripped with panic/terror from her mistreatment of me. I am very cognizant that overcoming trauma is hard. But I'd expect, or wish, that I could forget quicker/better and just move on.

She was chillingly brutal and ignorant, painfully 'not getting it' and endured ongoing suffering as a result. I know, and have been reassured, that she is NOT worth the bother, but I can still hurt. My dear friend, always so kind, had suggested, long after-the-fact, that I telephone her, explaining (yet again) that she really hurt. That was when she was at her worst....and reinflicted that stab. I cried, she mocked me and then yelled. Beyond unprofessional on her part. Doesn't matter, but, btw, her clinic did nothing upon my report and she retired. So ironic in that I never needed her and certainly not her services! Worse, she's was not at all qualified to be in that position:

http://website.lineone.net/~vex/How%20T ... 0Abuse.htm

She was woefully unqualified and rather a Nurse Ratchet character - so bossy and treated me like rubbish. She was the one who said Aspies are 'not mainstream' and that I'm not to contact 'them.' Granted, she's nuts, but there are/were many Aspies/ASD individual's in my family - she insulted me to the core of my being. A nazi I can have 'waves' of recovering trauma - wrecking my sleep. It's better now, but I need it to go away. I had a very nice (!) male counsellor - he helped a lot! But there's still that lingering residual. Sigh.

You know, I'll soon earn my PhD - just hard to realise I let her do this to me. Anyway, apart from all above details, how do you all 'get over it' when you know, factually, a given individual is way out-of-line? It can be difficult for Aspies to realise that certain people are *not good* and don't own up to their own misbehaviour.

Very hard for me to accept any individual can be so ignorant and lack accountability. Beyond time for me to forget her. The Therapist Slayer is mustering her strength........

Getting over it does happen - but it can take a lot of time. I went round and round on certain school incidents for 30+ years.

You can't undo the event. You can't fix her or even inflict fitting retribution.

Best case scenario - as far as you can, focus on the moment and your next step.

If you catch yourself looking back at it - and you will - grab yourself, give the critter a smack, and turn your head so as to look at NOW and where your foot is going to land.

Repeat as needed.

Philologos makes a good point; for a while, you need to literally snap yourself out of these thoughts once you become aware that you're treading ground again. I don't know if you realised, but you went right from telling us that we didn't need to know the story, to telling us the story... I'm not giving out, just saying it shows a bit of what you mean when you say you can't get over it. That must be very frustrating for you & for your friend trying to help you.

I met a woman quite recently who did nothing the whole time I was around her but talk about certain things gone wrong in her life. I thought it was a recent thing & that I was doing the right thing letting her vent, but over a period of 2 days (a cumulative 10 hours of her talking about herself), it became clear that she was retreating old events and past injustices from years ago- but the memories were so clear because she just kept on going over them, trying to make sense of the whole thing. Which is impossible, because you'll never have all the facts. Even if you rang up the people involved, others' memories aren't as acute because the incident never affected them as much, and all it does is add more fuel for the fire. And I know writing letters/ seeking closure is common WP advice and in theory makes good sense, but a certain subset of NTs seem to see it as crazy behaviour, so it's avoided imo.

The best thing you can do with toxic memories like this is starve them of oxygen; if you've told the story to a few people already, don't repeat it or discuss it with anyone else, and try not to recreate the story in your own head as much as possible. Summarise it in one sentence, that's all it deserves, and then file it away. Repeat as often as necessary until it doesn't bother you!

You are a very beautiful, creative, intelligent and capable person.
You have overcome larger hurdles before. Nobody ever said learning is painless.
In my experience, learning who and what people really are can be devastating to the heart.
It didn't kill me learning such travesties, it only awakened a part of me that had room for improvement.
Life is a restless path, not a destination of rest.
With every change, there will always be friction.
The only real proof of life is growth and change.

Congrats on your bravery - some of us don't have such fortitude.

I wouldnt feel bad about it. So many professionals out there know little about autism, yet try to help people with autism, and at best they are ineffective, at worst... well you know.

I think that in time you will come to realise that that woman was ill-equipped to be of any help, but was convinced she could be of help, and ended up finding out she wasnt as competent as she had hoped, and to save face, turned it around on you.

It is hard to believe that such a thing would happen, but it does, and I think in time you will learn not to take it personally. I know it is difficult when you put your trust in someone and they let you down, and hard to understand why someone behaves like that, but it is not really important to understand it, just to know in future what kind of person to avoid when looking for a professional.

if the angel gabriel alit on my doorstep and told me where to get off, i'd take it seriously. anybody short of that quality, and i'd tell them where to get off. my sincere wish is that you could find it in yourself to do likewise to merely mortal mushheads.

I doubt that she's worthy of your suffering - still it (perhaps) might help you to see her as a mere mortal (as mentioned above) who obviously has some issues which she's taking on you. I reckon that SHE's the one in the need of counselling. Does she care what you think of her? Likewise, whatever such people say should discarded as petty, subjective and obviously wrong. Our worth doesn't depend on some subjective, illogical, whimsical and distorted misinterpretation of our qualities. Why should she matter, since she's so obviously ignorant and cruel?

From my experience ignoring such people, and NOT allowing our own thoughts to have power over us might help. Observing them as they arise, objectifying them and seeing the impact they have on our emotional status, face them and then move on - no matter what they say. Offence is usually "taken" which means we can refuse to take it, we do have the power to say "NO".