i just can't deal with the embarrassment anymore.

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i am very annoying. people can't stand listening to me or being around me, and they only spend time with me when they want something e.g. sex or company ...or to boost their own self-esteems by cheering up an underling.
only it doesn't cheer me up because i know exactly what they're doing.

i've said so much ridiculous s**t. i've scared away nice, intelligent men who wanted to date me by being selfish, a bad listener, disgusting, self-deprecating and weird.

i went to a party the other night with my date and he never wants to speak to me again because of the way i acted. i went around asking everyone if they would let me have some of their booze because i was already tipsy and desperate to get drunker to feel as happy and social as everyone else did at that party.
instead i just talked his ear off about how i think i've got the spergs and how i'm really weird and socially inept. and he just got up and left in mid sentence.
he started being very cold to me and i don't blame him, i know how annoying i must've been. when he tried to nicely confront me on AIM about how i bothered the people at the party and him a little bit, i blew up at him and he deleted me on facebook.

and guess what? he's one of about 5 guys who became so disgusted by my messed up-ness that they just exited my life in an instant.

i can't deal with the embarrassment anymore. all i ever think about is the stupid things i've said. and how much people probably want to choke me.

i keep telling myself if i stay strong, keep my head up, and smile people will like me but the blunders never end. i can only pretend to relate to others for so long before they get a whiff of my stupidity.

i'm so lost. i'm wondering if anyone else has screwed up THIS badly...

I think that alcoholism is a bad thing. If you want to socialize more or function in existence with this drug you may benefit from a councilor. People have there ups and downs and learning from experiences makes people improve.

Perhaps you have AS...and then again, perhaps you don't...perhaps you are best described by some other label.

I realize many individuals feel vindicated when they know they are different, everyone thinks they are different, and they are given a label by which they can easily sum up their differences to others. However, if you are so embarrassed by your behavior then I think the label at the moment is irrelevant.

The issue is, you have social problems that greatly impair your life, you are aware of what they are, and because of that awareness, you can take some steps to address them, and improve your life.

For example, if you know you talk too much, try listening more. Try pausing for feedback, or the other individual to share their views in a conversation. Don't try to tell the person everything on your mind in one sitting. They don't need to know everything about you all at once. Use socialization as a learning experience. You can learn a lot about life and expand your horizons by taking the time to listen to others and hear their thoughts and perspectives.

If you know you say inappropriate things...to be quiet honest, this can be a difficult thing to address, because what is appropriate and what is inappropriate varies from situation to situation, and individual to individual. However, you might give yourself the chance to stop, think and better analyze the situation and the person you are talking to before you speak.

From a fellow aspie that has been on a rollercoaster of depression these past few weeks, I think having an ASD is a poison pill to our social interactions and the minute we let our true aspie show, we kill ANY chance of making a friendship. Our brains are geared towards logic than emotions, our brains aren't like an NT's brain that can handle emotions and socialization.

I don't know I see people with autism do both in real person. A tendency to just say whats on ones mind but then there always is the mentality like other people do of whats up dog and other discourse. I think hyper-awareness of how one thinks along with others perhaps not thinking that in-depth as to how they think just are different might be the cause. Ultimately maybe the A.S is different from autism like HFA. This is so complicated when thinking through labels. How am I supposed to think naturaly if I think logical is a natural innate pathology for instance and emotion is still present then it is simply emotional logical. Do people at times feel left out and then they try to reason as to why they feel more different and then agree and form a group bias rather then pure logical analysis?

This is baffling!

Nathan Young

Logic can work to your advantage in the matter. There are actually logical reasons to why people act the way they do, however to understand, you have to abandon the concept of logic as it applies to an immediately functional sense and start thinking of it in an evolutionary sense.

I can relate to this so much. When I was first navigating the social world, I scared off countless guys because once I had a very warped view of how a relationships and dating were supposed to go. I scared off this one guy because I became crazy about him and almost stalkerish because he danced with me at this party...and assumed he wanted a relationship.

You should not give up though or get down on yourself, but rather approach similar situations differently in the future. DO NOT use alcohol as a social crutch (this took me quite a while to learn this) because although you may be drunk at a given time, others may not be and they will remember your actions. Also, it makes you more impulsive, less likely to think before acting and more likely for you to make decisions you'll regret. If you're at a party, stick with one drink and sip it slowly, or don't drink at all (although this can be hard). You will have better conversations and will be less anxious if you're not tipsy.

As well, look at your deficits as an opportunity to learn. If you say you're a bad listener, you can always work at it. One rule of thumb...at social gatherings and especially on dates, people LOVE to talk about themselves so focus the conversation on them. Ask questions about their job, things they like to do for fun, hobbies, and about the atmosphere around...ask how they know the people at the party.

trust me. People have "screwed it up" worse than you have. You are never unworthy of redemption.

Not every guy you meet has to be just for relationships. Alcohol is horrible as 'social crutch', I really reccomend leaving the party scene, it's not good for someone who's socially awkward.

A diagnosis is just a label, the symptoms are more important than it. There are loads of guys and girls who are really socially awkward, you should try to emphasize with them instead! Alot of guys go to parties just to take advantage of girls and nothing else. Hang around places where girls/guys have more in common with you.

Panera has worked for me in the past, but bookstores are in general a good place to go. Concerts work well too. I think you'll find that others with disorders like yours make the best friends. Most of my close friends had either ADHD or HFA.

And yes, you will face stigma for any mental disorder, especially in dealing with public institutions and selfish people. Aspergers is the 'it' disorder right now, so the stigma for it is probably worse than most other mental disorders.

While I can't make a diagnosis, the situation you are describing is incredibly similar to one of my friends with the disorder, and probably milder than issues I have had in the past. The way your posts are constructed is similar to those of my friends with Aspergers/Autism.

And it's not uncommon at all for kids with Aspergers/Autism to get involved in the party scene. Thing is, they usually get taken advantage of/made fun of/or become outcasts within the clique.

Lemme tell you what my friends in the party scene are like:

One guy would not even talk to a girl because of her mildly bad dental hygiene. My other friend (and the closer one) will not even be around girls who weigh over 130 pounds. When these jerks are plowed out of their minds and are too drunk to see, they 'hallucinate attractiveness' and talk to girls they might not normally consider. (My friends explanation when he spent a night stalking a girl who was 145 instead of 130. That, or he realized that being completely driven by your hormones is a bad idea. After a year, he still feels that he should bring this up every time we talk to remind us that he would not consider this particular female under sober circumstances).

Guys like these aren't even worth a second of your time. Maybe you are just looking in all the wrong places.

Are all guys in the party scene like this? No. But the smart, socially affluent ones (Described on this board as type A by one of the female posters) will wait for you to talk to them first. And they tend not to be the guys who party hardest If you learn to be proactive, and talk to the guy first, it will increase your chances.

Honestly, I'm not sure if you have a full grasp on your actual situation with the guy. Or issues you yourself confront. Relationships take time, and it can be really frustrating having to work at the relationship. But it's worth it. That's my problem too, I screwed up a relationship with a wonderful girl because I pressed the issue and started getting too close for comfort.

And I'm still kicking myself for it.