Help me please

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Hi, I really need your advice and opinions to my story as it will help me a great deal. I am not an aspie but I have been living with one for almost 3 years until recently.
I used to date and live in Guatemala with my bf. We kept having countless of misunderstanding and fights. He always seems so possessive and accused me for things that I did not do. His assumption of things tortured me mentally. He was also abusive and I later found out that he was cheating on me through the internet which I found conversations of love exchanges and even internet sex. I suspected he did it outside as well but I had no proof so I did not accuse him of it. However after I found out about his affairs which he never admitted it or apologized, I still forgave him. He wanted a child with me and so we moved back to my country to have the baby.
When we first got here, we had to live with my sister. I was four months pregnant and only had a part time job. I got my bf a job in a friend´s company and he had his work pass. During the next few months there were countless of fights. I heard rumors from people who worked in his company that he was flirting around. I tried ignoring them and did not make a big deal out of it. My bf often came home late even when I was waiting for him at home. After several conversations with him, his excuse was that he was not comfortable in my sister´s house. When our baby was born, things were fine for 2 weeks before the arguments started again. He still kept away from us like he did not enjoy the time with us. We discussed things and decided to find an apartment on our own. He said he would find extra jobs to help me pay the rent but in the end it was me who had to come up with the money to move out and he help a bit. Everything was fine for 2 weeks after we moved. Then he started the same routine of coming home late. It was during this time I also found out about the Esperger syndrome and I asked his mother who then confirmed it as it was heditary from his father. I told my bf about it and even asked him to read more about it since he was always on the net and perhaps get self help this way which could improve both of lives for better understanding. He did not do that. Instead he kept doing what he did.
I had to get to jobs to pay for the bills and had engaged a nanny to take care our child. That made him come back even later. I have always tried spent every time I could at home every day and shuffling my two jobs and I was hoping he could spend more time with me but it never happened. He spent more time on his internet and outside the house. Again there were many fights but his sneaky actions got me started to suspect he was seeing other woman. I found out later it was more than one woman. I did ask him if he wanted to go separate ways but he did not want to. Although I suspected his flirting I only hinted and did not accuse him of doing so. My son was 8 months old when I found out I was pregnant again and told him. In that instant he said I was trying to trick him! Immediately I knew he was having an affair outside and after sleeping with him, I felt that he really had another woman. Finally one morning I woke up to check his phone which was off or on silent mode whenever he was at home. Because of seeing him sneaking messages several times, I decided to check it. I found a love message and I called the woman up with his phone. She told me that they have been seeing each other for 3 months but has not slept with him yet but he told her he loves her and she the same. She knew he had a son but did not know about me at all. She then promised not to see him anymore. On the same day, few hours later while he was in the shower, I decided to take his phone again to call this girl just to be sure she would not pick up his calls, she didn’t but there was another message only this time the message was from another woman and contained proof he was sleeping with this woman. The first woman was Chinese and the second a Korean. Funny how my bf would make fun of these races and discriminate then yet he was going out with them! After he got out of the shower I question him about this Korean woman. Immediately he exclaimed that he loves her!! How could he love her and love the other one too?? What does an aspie think of love? He seems like he says the words ever so easily to many women at the same time, doesn’t he really know what it means?
Because he got caught red-handed, he left the house and left me with our son. He did not give us any money for the month and we had to vacate the apartment! It has been slightly over a month since that happened and to date he has not asked how his son is. He told his mom that he is angry with me and lied that he is living alone when he is not. He is living with that woman now. I should be more angry with him for doing this to me and my son!! I don’t understand what is in his head!
I admit that some things are partly my fault. I only found out he had this syndrome 4 months ago and at that time I was so busy working to pay the bills for him and my son to have a comfortable home and I only recently found out that an aspie doesn’t really appreciate respect or commitment. They like smiles and hugs which I stopped giving at times due to fatigue and frustration from my bf´s behavior. Him coming home late made me mad plus I suspected he is cheating on me. But I did try to show my love in the past, by touching him, which i didnt know then that an aspie doesn't like to be touch...I always thought that he didnt love me instead... Plus I suspected his affairs and was afraid and angry to get close to him as I knew I would find out one day. Truth is I do love him still. I always have depite our differences.
So please tell me, does an aspie fell guilt? Does he know that it is wrong what he did? If he does then why won’t he admit it? Will he ever admit it? Please tell me what could possibly be in his mind. It´s driving me nuts! I do not want to judge him too quickly. I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and think it could be this syndrome that is like that and he is not aware of it. Am I wrong? If it really is an aspie thing, then I am willing to forgive him as I still love him very much and for my children´s sake. I am 4 month pregnant with his second child who he claims is not his as he said I had affair with someone else and is not his. He knows I am faithful. Why say this hateful things? I always have to be the bad one…
Is it normal for an aspie to flirt or be unfaithful because they can´t see how they hurt others? I read that aspie doesn’t like lies then why has he been lying to me or others? Everyday I am trying to read more about the esperger syndrome to understand better but I still cannot understand what he is thinking of. Please your opinions will help ease my disturbed mind. Is he waiting for me to call him instead and beg him to come back? What am I to do? Should I apologize and beg him to come home? Is he worth it?

Didnt read the whole thing but from what i gather its a lost cause. the AS things you mention are not written in stone and vary from person to person, so it shouldnt matter in the end. Dont make a decision on wether its his AS or what not but on wether he is good enough to keep or rotten enough to throw away.

Well, people with Aspergers (some of them) lack atheist of mind which is basically the ability to step into some one elses shoes and see how they feel.

As for whether you should end your relationship or not it's up to you.
If a man truly loves a woman, he isn't unfaithful.

Think on it

I agree with the previous poster. AS or not... leave him. Based on what I've read here, you'll be better off on your own... and so will your baby.

You need to take care of yourself and your children. Aspergers is not an excuse for this type of behavior. There are many men with AS who are faithful husbands. Obviously he does not repect you. You and your children deserve better. He needs to support his children. When the 2nd baby is born have a paterninty test to prove that they are his kids and take him to court and make him pay child support. Move on with your life and for goodness sake, don't have any more children with this man.

Thank you all...at least I know that his behaviour got nothing to do with AS. And that there are faithful AS out there. It answers my question. Thank you...

Honestly, AS or not (and to be honest, based on what you said, I doubt he has AS), I think your boyfriend is a jerk and I would have left him long ago.

i dont know...but my bf sure isnt...

point is that its got nothing to do with AS....he is unfaithful and thats it...problem is he loves himself too much than loving anybody else...ive come to a conclusion that he loves being a womanizer and with that, I cannot help him...i can tolerate the personal behavioral differences but not the womanizing part...thats a disease of its own..

AS is not an excuse for cheating and abandoning a wife and child.


What you need to do is get a lawyer, get his ass in court to have him pay child support, divorce him and secure absolute custody of the kid and kick him out of your life.

Love him or not, you have to choose who you love more : him or your kid. There is no other choice.

Yes I agree.. I was blinded by the fact he has AS and I wasn't sure if his behavior had anything to do with it. Thats why I sought some advice here. I am so happy and appreciative to have all the opinions so I know where I stand now and what to decide on. I just don't like to judge people too easily and regret later on by making the wrong decisions. I love my kids more of course and I realized he's not worth it at all. Thank you once again.