I made the decision to drop out of university today.

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I may have the intellectual capacity to successfully do it, but at this time, I feel I need to tackle my multitude of issues before I add school to the mix. I am severely depressed, extremely anxious, extremely perfectionistic, VERY afraid of being scrutinized or evaluated in any way, (hence me missing countless tests/exams/papers) and have extremely poor self-esteem. I find I am unable to sit down and focus on anything. I can't eat, can't sleep, can't do anything. All of my friends live in another city.

My days are spent with my mind going around in circles, obsessing about various things that are harmful to me. I daydream about escaping, being abused or raped, getting drunk and doing drugs. I had plans to do all of the above after my exams, but I stopped myself. I sleep all the time because my dreams are more pleasant than reality. I had an elaborate plan in place where I would make money sleeping with guys on craigslist and then fly out somewhere and never come back. In short, my mind was in too much of a mess to be able to concentrate on anything.

The sad part was that I was getting 90s before my depression set in.
I was happy and optimistic until I realized how disconnected from everything I was, and how lonely and isolated I got.
It built up to the point where I am now in panic mode and can't do anything.

People have been saying, suck it up...get things done. I'm not that kinds of person, I have a very low snapping point.
And I've snapped. I can't do it anymore.

I'm so ashamed of myself. I'm at my parent's house right now and although they are being supportive I feel like the biggest piece of s*** in the entire world. I let them down, I let society down and most of all I have let myself down.

I am now going to be a welfare bum working at Tim Hortons because I deserve all the b**tching at that I can get for not being blind to reality and not sucking things up like everyone else does.

I am in EXACTLY the same position as you. I went to a big time university for almost 3 years but I just snapped and dropped out last month. I do have a sociology degree from there but that was easy and I didnt even get close to finishing my psych, the one I actually wanted to accomplish. Are you planning on going back or finishing it up sometime?

Anxiety, depression, low low self esteem (body image, social skills, getting dates with girls but then never hearing from them again..the list goes on) were attacking me most of the time but I just kept pushing through. I used pot, alcohol and occasionally harder drugs to suppress my anxiety and make me more lively at parties for about 2 years. Being drunk and/or high every thurs-sat for two years gave me a social life, I had 'friends' but they were just ppl I partied and get ridiculous with. i trickeed myself into thinking i was having lots of fun with ppl where in reality it was me just interacting with ppl drunkenly all the time.

Now I see everything was great before because I was using the effects of booze and pot to surpress anxiety and it also gave me a crowd to hang out with....now I have nothing. My good friends are scattered around the country, all of them go to big and well known universities while I just sit at home...just wasting away my days and waiting to get on medication so I can be well enough to at least work...i am a parasite on my parents- im 20, no job, not in school, living at home doing nothing and its exactly as you describe, its horrible.

I know how you feel, I thought it was all over and that ive failed my rents and myself too! BUT! Just realize that just because you arnt on track as you planned doesnt mean you failed. My whole life I thought I was going to grad high school, go to college and graduate in 4 years with a degree that will land me a job....totally not the case. Work on yourself first, take it slow by first getting help (meds or therapy, prob both since you said your parents are supportive)and finding work... Save up for a year or however long you need and when you are ready to take on school again it will still be there. its not like your credits will be erased and you have to start from scratch...Who said you need to graduate by the time your 21-22? I know tons of people who take 6 years to get a degree either because they are lazy or because they realize its better for them if they take it slow at their own pace. many of my classmates at my former uni were mid to late 20s and some were even in their 40s-50s. You can do it, you just need time and help is all. Trust me!

@anneurysm and tangomike
I completely understand! I'm sorry you have both had to go through all that. I just left school about a month ago as well (I'm turning 22 soon) and I'm back at my parents now. I feel like I'm totally useless and a complete failure most of the time. It is really difficult. I know that this is what I need right now, but I don't even know where to start now. I was also doing pretty well before things started spiraling and I just feel so stupid now.

I also hate talking to people and having them ask where I'm in school now and stuff like that. Thanksgiving was really hard. Spending time at my boyfriend's parents is hard and having to answer people's questions. I'm taking time off and applying to transfer for the fall to a school much closer to home. I'm considering doing part time instead. I'm meeting with my psychiatrist weekly and he is going to set up a study skills group and/or support group soon (hopefully).

It is a really tough thing to do and it is really courageous. It is definitely not the easy way out and it is really mature being able to make that decision and do what is best for you and not just what is expected of you.

I told my parents (after telling myself) that leaving school was not quitting, it was not giving up. Leaving school was refusing to give up. It was me saying that school didn't have to be so hard for me, it didn't have to be that miserable or that stressful. That I could do well in school and that I refused to accept that things would always be that bad.

Good luck to both of you!

(If either of you want to pm me to talk about this further, feel free)

Also, people need to keep in mind that universities have been historically designed for young people that come from very, very affluent families. I feel college puts unrealistic goals on the young people going there. Many young people do not have enough to eat, not enough family support, no good housing, or even have the ability to purchase supplies needed for the class.

Many colleges let you take a semester or a year off and then come back. I think you should apply for temporary leave (and not necessarily drop out but its alright if you already did).

I think it is needed to rebuild your self worth. Maybe you can volunteer to do housework for your parents? Maybe work on a small project? How about volunteer at a library or homeless shelter?

Just do some little things. There is no use beating yourself up anymore. If you do not like where you are right now, keep moving forward.

It was a good thing that you recognized your limits and that you needed to se your priorities straight.

I've thought about giving up on going to school and going back to work at my old job, but I preservered and stuck through it. I'm a semester away from graduating and while I'm not going to my dream school - I never had the grades, it's an major accomplishment in my life. Things could have been much, much worse. I really don't have much to offer as advice goes, but it proves to me that while my social life can be better and I wished I was never an aspie to begin with, I have drive and heart to see that my goals or milestones in life are completed.

So hang in there guys, take some time off or find a different school you can go to. I wished I was never at this hipster and ditz-infested hellhole named San Francisco State and my major is male-dominated but things happen for a reason and I've meet people and explored myself in the process. I wished I went to Cal Poly or UC Berkeley instead.

Hi, I sympathize with you. I hope you take some time out, recharge your batteries, then come back stronger than ever. The University isn't going anywhere, and all the opportunities in the world will still be waiting for you when you've got through all this. Good luck and try to keep your head up.

it sounds like you're blaming yourself for not fighting it out on your own - "i have let everybody down".
for starters, you have worked very hard to get where you are, nobody carried you in a sedan chair to uni.
but i hope that before making the decision to take time off, you also consider reeling in all the support you can get from your uni. with a diagnosis they should be easily able to let you benefit from their support policies for students with disabilities (in the uk you are granted extra time in exams, f.ex.).

maybe things are growing over your head ( like you said, it is not the intellectual capability that holds you back, as you were enjoying your subject and receiving good grades ) and you need somebody specialised in helping students in your position - you mention in your profile you are interested in mentoring, consider becoming a mentee/protegee, .

i hope you do not give up before considering all your options, and after exploring them are totally convinced that dropping out is the decision you will regret least in a few years time.

but if you do, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, ,
as the father of one of my boyfriends said to him on his decision that uni was not the way he would like to approach his field of interest (engineering) :" the only thing that i want for you is to be happy and content in your life and if this involves you becoming a garbage truck driver, because this is your dream, then so be it!"
wise words - his son followed the vocational route into mechanics and engineering and is nowadays working for a large global company and you can find the listing of his patent that was developped by him and his colleague at said company on the net.

SO THERE - carve your niche, carve it now or a bit later and believe in yourself - if you cannot right now, surround yourself with people, who do, your family and friends and us on WP for a start,

it sounds to me like you should consider an antidepressant(not necessarily prescription natural works too) and several life changes. Your friends are in another city? Is it all one city that they are in? Maybe you should move there and get a job. You can transfer your credits if you need to. Drinking and partying won't help. I made it through college but I had several things in place and am now struggling to get my 2nd BA due to family issues. I live far from family have two Autistic but adorable children and am trying to figure out how to launch a career.
The first time.
1. I lived near my mother
2. I had a job where I could be by myself most of the time
3. I only did as much as I wanted socially
4. Boyfriend was far away so not much stress there

I had a 50 dollar allowance for food a week. For the most part I bought cereal/oatmeal, 99 cent instant meals, peanut butter and jelly with bread, drank water, and etc. I went to every free meal thing I could on campus and never turned down a meal. I bought all textbooks and paid for school with financial aide. I joined a church and some clubs to keep me connected. I also lived in the dorm and tried hard to spend most of my time studying(my special interest). Take one relaxing class: art, music or something similar a semester.

College is not for everyone you need to do what makes you happy. If living where your friends and family live is what you need to do then do it. You can take classes online(what I'm doing now) or at a community college. And you CAN get financial aide for ONLINE classes and not deal with being around too many other people. The only thing is you still have assignments and tests but you can chose where you get them proctored sometimes.

<---- @ 21 left college half-finished, now @ 32 i'm finishing it.

Just because you've given up doesn't mean you can't try again.

(hopefully it wont take you as long as me!)

If its class-related stressors you can look up any online courses your univ. may offer. I took my first online class this semester and its amazing how easy and stress-free it is. Sure, its a lot of reading compared to sitting in a lecture but its soooo nice to be able to do things at your own pace.

You seem to be going through a classical 'burn out' phase. Take a semester or two off and truly relax, get your stuff in order, relax, review your career plans and take it easy.

Good choice in taking time out. I'm having a gap year for pretty much the same reasons as you've left college. I'm hoping that a year is enough...!

Don't feel like you're wrong/inferior/stupid for trying to look after yourself... You can return to studying years later if you feel the desire and ability to do so. And nobody has the right to punish you for trying to make things work for yourself. You've tried battling through college, it didn't work, you're now trying something else. Perfectly logical

Good luck... I hope you can get counseling and any other therapy that helps, and that your friends/family show you support.

I'm so sorry. But you need to take care of yourself right now. From what I've seen in your other posts, you've had quite the semester. And yes, there are a lot of things to be disappointed with, and good reason to feel down, you can only take one step at a time.

I don't normally share my biography, but right now I will break the rules. I dropped out of college when I was utterly depressed and overwhelmed, but returned a few years later. I later got my master's.

Good luck to you.