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Jamesy
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20 Dec 2010, 9:43 am

At the moment i am finding things hard becasue of my aspies traits like for example lack of eye contact, monotone voice and lack of facial expressions. i like these traits in me and they are apart of me but girls in college etc have found this a real turn off and i even one girl behind my back say how my lack of facial expressions and montone voice creeped her out.

my farther is not helping either because he sayst things to me like "Go get a tie bride" and also "we will find a nice asian girl for you" I mean i do not even find asian girls attractive.

Can I have some advice on this becasue my qaulity of life is SERIOUSLY poor. :(



Chronos
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20 Dec 2010, 3:22 pm

Jamesy wrote:
At the moment i am finding things hard becasue of my aspies traits like for example lack of eye contact, monotone voice and lack of facial expressions. i like these traits in me and they are apart of me but girls in college etc have found this a real turn off and i even one girl behind my back say how my lack of facial expressions and montone voice creeped her out.

my farther is not helping either because he sayst things to me like "Go get a tie bride" and also "we will find a nice asian girl for you" I mean i do not even find asian girls attractive.

Can I have some advice on this becasue my qaulity of life is SERIOUSLY poor. :(


Sometimes an individual can't help if they have a monotone voice. A lot of guys just don't have that much of a vocal range, however eye contact is something you can learn to make, and you can also improve your facial expressions. If you want to improve the quality if your life, you have to be willing to step a little outside of your comfort zone sometimes. I have a friend who once told me that he'd never wear a suit because it wasn't part of who he was, and that he'd turn down a job from any employer who couldn't accept that. He grew up in a working class family and never wore anything nicer than dockers and a clean t-shirt at the time. However he eventually got a good paying job where he had to wear dockers and a button up shirt...that was fine. Then he met a girl he liked and wanted to take her to a nice restaurant but it required he wear a coat and tie. He figured he could do this for one night so he put on a coat and tie. Then one day the boss came to him and said they were doing company photos, and insisted everyone wear a suit. By this time, it meant just wearing pants that matched his coat, and suddenly, he was wearing a suit. He was still the same person though.

When I was in college there was a girl at my school who was actually quite pretty, and could have been a supermodel with the exception that she had a big giant wart looking thing right above her upper lip.....she wondered why guys didn't want to kiss her.



Jamesy
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20 Dec 2010, 4:26 pm

LOL that sounds funny.



Kaybee
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20 Dec 2010, 7:07 pm

As someone who used to speak in monotone but now doesn't (usually), I have to disagree with Chronos. It is possible to learn not to speak in this monotone and with practice, it can come naturally. I gather you're in college, so I would very strongly recommend doing what I did. It may sound unappealing, but it did wonders for me. Knowing that I had problems in the areas you mentioned above, as well as problems expressing myself, I deliberately set out to challenge myself to improve these things. One of the ways I did this was by taking a couple of communications classes in college. One class in particular, called "oral interpretation," was amazingly helpful for me. It was basically reading or memorizing bits of literature and then "performing" them vocally in front of the (very small) class, reciting a story or a poem or whatever we chose to do. Now, I know that it probably sounds horrible, but I can't stress enough how much it helped me with all the things you're complaining of. The difference was like night and day. I think not a single person who knew me didn't comment on the change and how great it was.

Alternatively, if you're really not willing to do such a thing, you could try practicing the same thing at home. Pick a story and go over it aloud repeatedly, with inflection, until you can do it easily. Then do it again with a different story. And again, until it comes naturally. Eventually, it probably will. It did for me, and I didn't believe it was possible.


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