regretful about hoow things turned out with former friend

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At the moment I am staying at my parents place looking after it for them whilst they are away in NZ. Anyway a former friend of mine lives nearby and I drove past the other day and it brought back to me how much I miss things with her we were close not as close as my best friend and I are now but close. When i was younger in my early 20s i had been friends with her since we were 12. Anyway in her religion Christadelphian you can't "lie" at all ever. So one day I was telling her about a Jehovahs that came by my place and i told them no thanks i am a christadelphian. But because that was a lie i got ex communicated. Anyway so i sat near her house in my car a couple of times just to see what was going on and think bout things what went wrong i didn't approach her or anything. Today I saw her i better keep my distance from sitting near her place because i got the feeling i was recognised I have personalised number plates that makes my car more recognizable but in my country simply sitting outside someones house a couple of times isnt against the law. I am thinking of knocking on her door and saying look I am not here to cause trouble i just want to show you my new car because when I knew her she thought I would never got a licence I want to show her my achievement but I am not sure.

From the Christadelphian's "53 Commandments of Christ":

12. Grudge not: judge not: complain not: condemn not.

35. Be gentle, meek, kind-hearted, compassionate, merciful, forgiving.

What is her religion again?

oh for sure people often say they are really religious and stuff but when it comes down to it they don't practice what they preach literally and she is a case in point. Yes I made mistakes but not enough to justify what went down and i do really miss the friendship we were close.

Well, if she's still important to you, you could try a more positive approach than the one I took above. Why not e-mail her, tell her you're sorry (if you haven't already), and indicate that you think it would be totally in keeping with her religious beliefs to forgive you. That ought to at least get her thinking. If it doesn't, I wonder if you're better off without such an inflexible and unforgiving "friend."

I often do this type of thing to kind of re-experience a feeling and thus try to understand it better. With cars, I more sit in a grocery store parking lot or at a nice park. I'm big on safety so I like there to be some other people around, then I will have the passenger side windows cracked an inch or two and the driver's side windows just barely cracked. (one park in Las Vegas actually had drug dealers, so please be aware and alert)

I also like to take walks. I have learned that it is much more socially acceptable to walk in a large circular route rather than up and down the same street. Hey, I'm just a guy out talking a walk. Which is what I'm doing, even if I'm trying to think through (and feel through) a particular situation.

Maybe you could also sit and think (and feel) in the parking lot of maybe a restaurant you went to with your former friend?

And maybe you could write an email, send it to yourself. And on a later occasion think about whether you want to go ahead and send it to your friend?

I have written to her but not heard back I know that we won't ever be friends again and it is that I feel sad about I don't want to get into any trouble or anything hence why i will keep my distance but driving past her place yeah it made me sad and to think about what if. She has made her mind up and as far as I am aware things wont change from that.

I hate it when people unilaterally decide to discard us, no discussion, no input, no chance to apologize for whatever we might have done wrong. I have had this happen to me before and it happened again about 4 months ago, and I am beside myself. I don't know what to say, except that it really sucks.

~Kate

It does suck and I do regret it especially as I was at a time in my lief where I needed support not rejection. Today I am a much more stable person than I was back then I have work, a good friend who is also a flatmate, a drivers licence and basically I feel better about myself. If she had known me today by sticking around through the bad times I truly believe we could have been good friends still.

I heard from her today I was kinda surprised and a bit annoyed it made it sound like it was all my fault and that I wanted to be her friend again I don't. All i wanted to do was show her my car because my car means a lot to me and I thought she might like to see it thats it I never said anything about being friends again. I kinda don't know where to from here. This is what was said.


Hi Catriona,

What happened in the past will stay in the past as you know I don't hold any ill feeling towards you. With our friendship it went along time ago for me.

I am glad that you are happy and only wish the best for you.

Elisa.


Well im glad like i said all i wanted to do was say hi in fact I saw you the other day and like I said thought about things. I am sad how things turned out and I did enjoy our friendship when we were friends but yes it was in the past people change and like i said if you knew me now I am not that person you knew then but you made your decision. I would like to show you my car sometime all the same but like I said the ball is in your court. I am not trying to be "friends again" simply to say hi and keep in contact.

Chloe has moved in and I am busy with my work and stuff. Next year I am off to NZ and possibly america with chloe.

I am kinda sad by her reaction i suppose i mean if she "holds no ill will" then i would have thought she would want some form of contact not nessasarily a friendship.

Really, it seems as though she has some sort of superiority complex going. She's not very thoughtful though.