Need help dealing with grief

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I know I haven't posted on this board in a while, but I've been having issues with grieving, and I'm hoping you guys can help.

In February of last year (2009), my grandmother died of a heart attack. I guess you could say I went through a "normal" grieving process. Slowly and gradually adjusting to her death over time, while at times feeling sadness around the time of events (Thanksgiving, Christmas, her birthday, first anniversary of her death, etc.), especially during the first year. The second year so far has been a lot smoother emotionally than the first. Up until about 5 days ago.

Last Wednesday when I got off of work (at a mall), I saw an elderly couple walking the mall that reminded me so much of my grandparents (my grandfather is still alive, BTW). The resemblance was that close. Since that time, I have been unable to get the image of them out of my head, which is hell for me since I'm a visual thinker to begin with. There was also mall music at the same time, and the song that was on won't stop playing in my head either.

I have had multiple crying spells every day for the last 5 days because of this. One minute I'll be totally fine and going about my business, and the next, out of nowhere, I'll start seeing the image of that couple or hearing that song, and I'll just lose it and start crying.

I am not at any time trying to do this consciously, it just re-pops into my head for seemingly no good reason.

I also know that certain things that remind you of the person you lost can cause a momentary grief reaction, and I've had a few of those as well. But up until now, not to this extent, and certainly not for 5 straight days.

I guess what I need help with is these 2 things: First, why am I having this reaction to a reminder for 5 days straight? Can having a reminder replay in your mind over and over again for 5 days be considered a normal grieving reaction? And why now, almost 2 years later, when I've been fine for months now?

The second thing is, I know that many of us on the spectrum have a tendency to be obsessive over things, like our interests and also things that have happened to us. Could this be coming into play here at all? And if so, what, if anything, do any of you do to get a distressing image or song out of your head?

Any help you could give would be much appreciated. Thanks.

I also need help dealing with grief, as well. To some people, a favourite rock band could be like a family, and I'm still dealing with the Pete Quaife thing.

I'm also dealing with the fact that my aunt and grandpa passed away almost a year apart from each other. They both came to my parents place for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Canada Day and my Grandpa's birthday. The thought of those two empty seats sends chills down my spine.

I don't know whether it's anything to do with Aspie obsessional tendencies, but for what it's worth, I think that this is normal. I was similar about the death of my grandfather, who died over seven years ago now. I was devastated for a few years, in fact, and could not think of him at all without feeling like crying. Now, the grieving has passed, and as you can see by my commenting here, I am okay to think on it. But still, on rare occasion, something can act as a reminder, and the sense of loss returns. When this happens, I try not to indulge the emotion, not to wallow in it. I will acknowledge that it's there, and rather than cry about it, think of something about him that makes me smile. And then, before that smile can turn into a renewed sadness, I try to move on, do something else, let the pang pass. "Negative" emotions do not have to be unhealthy--there is nothing wrong with feeling sad; it's how we react that can turn it to something bad.

I know that it's hard, but I think that all we can do is accept that all things pass, even those we love, and try to hold the warm moments from the past in our hearts and heads. Sadness does not have to turn to despair. I hope you can find your way out of this loop soon and be well.

Losing my grandfather 19 years ago was quite an earth shattering experiance. Sadly I probably will soon be grieving the loss of one of my maternal grandmother as it appears to be slowly becoming the case that she is suffering from heart failure as she keeps going into ventricular fibrilation for no apparent reason and her blood readings indicate that her body is highly inflamed against some kind of infection which no doctor appears to have figured out. At first it was temporal arteritis but it wasn't now its something else. Not terribly impressed with the professionalism of the local health practitioners but thats for another thread.

In some respects I've already prepared myself and grieved partially already as she has began to decline in her mental faculties over the years I have been away from my family up in the north of England. Whereas my grandfather's death was a completly unexpected and shocking event that caught me off guard. This time I seem to have advance notice.

I actually cry for and feel most upset for my cousins who never really knew her when she was in her prime. The ardent femminist, the political activist, a campaigner for social justice and equality. The person who drew scorn for marrying a jew (my grandfather, back in the day anti-semetism was quite rife in working class london) who was involved in the marches against nuclear arms, the gulf war etc

She defied the gender stereotypes of her generation, she married someone who was from a taboo culture, she argued and stood for what she believed in. Thats the person I want to remember. Not someone half conciouss in a hospital bed in the late stages of dementia who has no idea who you are, in some respects her health deterioration is what is going to spare me and my family from having to endure seeing her meet such a fate and I guess in some respects thats quite an awful think to wish.

Thank you so much for your support guys. Interestingly, as soon as I hit the "submit" button to post the thread I started to feel a little better, maybe because my feelings are now out in the open and I don't feel as alone as before then. I'm sorry for all of your losses as well.

Kaybee, that sounds like a good idea. I think i'll try your suggestion if this happens again.

I'm glad to hear it, chocoholic. Just sharing or venting can be very therapeutic sometimes.

Laz, I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. She sounds like an amazing lady.

Grief comes in waves.

as anyone who has lost a loved one or had a broken relationship. It just hits you then leaves you in waves. I'm sorry Theres not much you can do, except ride it through with the support of loved ones.

I will celebrate the lives of those people that I've mentioned, plus the lives of many other deceased friends, family members and icons this Christmas. I will celebrate instead of mourn and I'll keep my emotions under cover like I have been doing for most of this month. This is going to be a fun Christmas. I will keep my emotions buried until the end of the month and than start a fresh year, next month. Cockney power!

There has been many times where I see an elderly man that looks so much like my grandfather. I remember going to the grocery store and in the PB area I looked up and saw this elderly man. He looked so much like my grandfather. There is also an elderly couple that lives few doors away from us. Sometime in the spring I saw him holding hands with a little girl, perhaps his grand daughter and immediately I was crying. A month ago I was at a pet store and outside there was an elderly man. I see elderly men on the metro train as well and I get so sad. I lost my other grandmother in July 2009. But my grandfather's death is still so hard for me to deal with and he died Nov 2008. I want him back so much. I have days where I just sit in the house a lone and just talk to him as if he's still here. Yesterday in fact I talked to him. I have my own office at work which is great. I want to hear him and see him again.

Oh...great. I'll still be crying about the passing of Pete Quaife in two years. I can hardly wait.

I'll have to warn my mum of the support that I need, ahead of time and give her plenty of time to get the message on Facebook or in an E-mail, when Mick Avory dies, so that the mourning process won't be as drawn out as it has been for me, this year.

I think the initial grieving process is in a situational class by itself, and then there are the occasional "re-visits", of course ... and then I think one occurrence can open the way for yet another after years of "emotion dehydration" still needing to be wetted by more tears ... and therein I find a dilemma:

Letting it all out at once seems to possibly be life-threatening, and letting it out too little at a time can seem to just make things worse. So, and while trying to not even wonder how much might yet need released, I just let as much of it as possible flow as best I can whenever it does come.