What should I do this Christmas?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm really freaking out because this year my Mum said I can come home for Christmas. Normally I live in supported accomidation away from home. I went for a 'test run' a week ago to check if I can cope and although I apperaed to cope on the night, I came home and had a break down. Mum lives in the same house that I have a lot of bad memories in, I know its stupid but I was attacked in that house, I tried to kill myself twice in that house, I hid in the house after I was viciously attacked in the street... The list goes on. I couldn't sleep for most of the night because I was so frightened.

The test run was okay because my Brother was there. He is going to my dad's for christmas so I will be alone with my mum and her partner who I don't get on with. I have tried to get on with him but no matter what I do, I am never good enough. I don't want to go to Mum's for Christmas because I know I will end up ruining it somehow. He's really strange and even talking too loudly or at the wrong time is enough to p**s him off. If he sais no to me coming in the future, that's it. It's his house and unfortunately I am not like his two girls. I am not perfect (as he sees them).

I don't think it is just the anxiety of going home that is upsetting me at the moment. A staff member who I am very friends with is leaving after Christmas to go to the other house (there's two houses) and it is really upsetting me. I am extremely freaked out by change and I am not coping.

I just want some opinions. Should I stay in my accomadation or go to my Mum's for Christmas? Either way I am going to ruin someone's Christmas :'(

_________________
I have HFA, ADHD, OCD & Tourette syndrome. I love animals, especially my bunnies and hamster. I skate in a roller derby team (but I'll try not to bite )

I would not go.

I am going to go. If he doesn't like me that's his loss. I've since been told that the whole staff member thing isn't happening, it was all just speculation (I hate speculation). All of the bad stuff happened a long time ago. I've got to get this into perspective. It's been about three years now. I have been promised that a member of staff is going to be on call at all times over the Christmas so if something does happen, I can come home. I feel a bit better knowing that.

_________________
I have HFA, ADHD, OCD & Tourette syndrome. I love animals, especially my bunnies and hamster. I skate in a roller derby team (but I'll try not to bite )