Food issues

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I am sick and tired of people commenting on how skinny I am and being told I am too thin. There are people out there who are thinner than me and I am too thin? So I'm supposed to be fat? Do they even realize how insulting that is? It makes me not want to eat and want fight with my body even more to stay thin and keep the number down on the scale. If I was too skinny, I'd be wearing a size 0 or a size 3 or a size 5 in Juniors. I will never get than thin because my body isn't built that way and I would have to be skin and bones to fit into a size 0 and I bet that would leave damage to my body if I did that. Plus I get the nausea feeling if I get too hungry and I am beyond starving so I have no idea how anorexics can go with very little food and deal with that sick feeling in their bellies because I sure can't so I have always eaten more than them.

I also am sick and tired of my husband saying I am not eating enough food. Hello, has he forgotten how little I ate before I was pregnant? Now since then I have been eating a lot more and still do and my weight is going down like crazy since I have given birth. I am down to 131. I eat three meals a day (plus some snacks and some candy) and my weight is still dropping and my husband gives me a lecture about food. He says I am not eating enough and I need to eat more but I always get full when I eat and I never feel hungry until I am starving so I forget to eat and I lose track of time because five hours can seem like only an hour. Even my mom says I am never hungry. I've always been this way. I could go a whole day without eating if my mom or dad never made anything and they expected us to help ourselves. But nope I ate when food was served to me or when my mom take us out or when she decide to take us to fast food saying "Who wants McDonalds?" I also have difficulty with food choices so I tend to eat the same things over and over because it's easier than deciding what I shall have and then I end up not eating because I couldn't make up my mind or I am in the grocery store for two hours trying to decide what to buy.

And I told my husband it's very normal to have your weight drop fast after giving birth but my husband told me I was too thin and it shouldn't be happening to me. But I am sure the number on the scale will stop dropping because all our bodies are set to be at a certain weight. Even if a woman is eating healthy and working out and losing weight, it is going to stop at a certain point because her body be where it wants to be at.

So I eat lot of chocolate when I see it hoping it help put on some weight and I still dropped. I blame it on breast feeding and I can eat normally and not worry about gaining weight. I was also engorged so I think that's why my weight also dropped because it went away and my body is finally figuring out how much milk to make so that adds less weight on me because it's not making as much milk like it used to. My baby only drinks two ounces each feeding.

Argh I am tired of all the food lectures and being told I am not eating enough, how much do they think I should eat? It gives me a great excuse to eat sweets instead since it's so much calories and that should shut my husband up and everyone else. There's the extra calories and maybe my body will make the fat and store it and the weight will go up on the scale. Then they tell me that stuff isn't healthy for me and the baby. Then shut up. Maybe I will just start keeping my weight private and start lying about how much I weigh. Maybe when I go to the doctor's office, I will start putting on some heavy clothes so the weight be up higher on the scale since they don't make you strip naked or even tell me to take off my shoes. That adds about another three pounds.

I am starting to hate food for real and seeing it as a lot of work to eat because it doesn't come to my head unless I am starving. That's when I know I am hungry. I think I am doing pretty good with eating but all these lectures and criticism makes me hate food and want to eat sweets just to shut them up. I love sweets anyway but have always limited them. I have actually realized I need someone to give me food since I have a hard time remembering to eat and deciding what to have. I need my husband to do it but he is at work so he can't do it everyday.

I sort of have an opposite effect, I eat a LOT, and don't gain a pound
I have never gone over 130, ever

on that note, I think some fancy cheese will end this day