Being rejected by a superficial man

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Miyah
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29 Dec 2010, 9:15 pm

have known a man with high-functioning Autism for more than 6 years and we even considered a possibility for dating material for a good 4 years. However, he is extremely picky and rigid along with fickle. So, he suddenly dropped me like a hot potato and didn't tell me what I did wrong and suddenly ignored and avoided me because I was getting on his nerves. He also has this thing in that he will only talk to me if I would talk about super intelligent subjects that he approves of. He has also chosen another close friend over me for face-to-face interactions because she is more calm than I am. He also seems to make me feel bad for talking about certain subjects such as living on my own. He also often seems to play Jekyll and Hyde with me where he will seem like he's my friend on week and my enemy the next.

Anyway, he currently lives with a roommate with a brain injury who isn't doing anything for himself and has the tendency to rip into other people's backs including himself. The man with Autism has a load of problems including social skills and other independent living skill deficits. So this roommate pries upon him by talking about everything wrong with him and has often called him a "Screw-up," or "Whack job." I had told him to stop talking that way around me but he insists that how is talks is acceptable. And so long story short, I attempted to explain the situation to the guy who has been miserable around me.

His response to me was that he would be willing to sit down and talk to him and myself involved yet he didn't want to be my friend outside of this chatroom after this meeting. In response, I decided to leave that chatroom and never speak to this guy again because of the way he acted around me. However, he had evidently told others for me that he really wanted to be my friend but was always worried about hurting me. However, I took that as an insult and that if he felt that strong about it, he should see me instead about the issues.

How should I let him go without trying to spend my time crying about it?



TheWeirdPig
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30 Dec 2010, 12:57 pm

It's your party and you can cry if you want to.

This has been a long and hard relationship for you. I'm sorry it's ended this way. I'm not even sure if you really want it to be ending. I'm not sure if you can even figure if he wants it to end either.

Nevertheless, he hasn't treated you fairly. I'm sure that hurts more than anything else.

I hope this is supportive.



CockneyRebel
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30 Dec 2010, 5:12 pm

Forget about him and be your best self. a better man will come along.


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Greatsharkbite
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30 Dec 2010, 5:13 pm

I'm not saying everyone's will cry about a friendship/relationship ending, but I think most are bothered by it.

That said, you're not going to find a painless way to end things with this guy. This is either him being neglectful and hurtful of you--or you accept that he is so insecure, he'd accidentally hurt you in a MAJOR way to avoid hurting himself.

So in short.. he's either a jerk, or very immature, AS and all. If you consider friendship talking about things that only the other person enjoys at all times, stay friends with him. If you consider friendship in which you have to circumvent his neglectful nature and try to plead with him for a better relationship, stay friends.

He takes your friendship for granted, he didn't want to be your friend outside of a chatroom after you brought a problem to his attention?

It'll hurt at first guaranteed, you've known him for 6 years, but your best bet is to keep the distance between you and himself going as long as possible until he comes to his senses, or you phase him out/let go of him completely.