Help me?

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My mother says I am a lazy worthless stupid f***ing piece of s***. I agree completely. My stepdad says I should kill myself. What a fine idea. One lady told me that she was just gonna beat the s*** out of me every single day until I turn into some thing that knows how to work. She was even sweet enough to demostrate. I have been called a b***h, a slob, a stupid ugly baby, a fatass and many other fine things... by my own family. Merry f***ing Christmas and happy birthday!
I am barely 16 and I feel like I'm 90. I keep having panic attacks and I've constantly want to just lie down and cry like a two year old. My feet have been killing me for days. I've lost interest in all that stupid crap that used to amuse me. Why am I even writing this? I have no idea why I'm actually asking for help. It's not like you guys are going to walk to Ohio and fix all my problems. Your just gonna say something nice, I'll feel better for a minute, then everything will go back to where I am now. That's what always happens! This is the 5th time I've turned all suicidal and nobody even gives a freaking damn! What a fine way to start the New Years! I GIVE UP! I am so literally sick and tired of trying to keep up with life.
I am currently feeling so absolutely dead inside that I've honestly lost all will to live. In the past 24 hours I have cut myself, almost ran away, and thrown away some of my most prized possessions. Anyone have any online support groups they'd like to suggest? I'm really scared I'm gonna completely snap and just do something thats really stupid.

Have you contacted the authorities where you live? There has to be someone you can turn to. Some kind of agency that's taking care of kids who get abused by their families. I really don't think you ought to let things go on as they have, especially as the last time you were screaming for help on WP is not that long past. From what you write, I think you need help NOW and it might even be better to be stuck into some kind of boarding school or orphanage or whatever places like that are called where you live than to stay in your current environment.

Seriously, GammaGeek, you need to get away from those people. They are wearing you down. If this goes on, you will completely break down one day. At 16, you may not yet be legally entitled to move out and live on your own, but some kind of shelter where you don't have to face your family anymore sounds like a better idea to me than staying with them. You NEED a breather and they are unlikely to give you one.

Pack up what you think you'll need for the next week or two, grab the papers you'll need and go talk to a teacher, a therapist, the nice lady next door, your shrink, ANYONE you can think of who might be willing to help you. The least they can do for you is to point you towards the people who can actually help you. If there is siblings or pets you are unwilling to leave behind, take them along. I don't think anybody ought to stay in that kind of place and there has to be some kind of shelter where minors can hide away from their abusive parents for a while and sort themselves out.

Everytime I ask for help, the situation gets worse. They always say my problems aren't that important and to suck it up. Then they tell my parents and they get mad at me. I can't go through this again, but I don't want my mom to get in trouble.

Who have you been talking to this far? Where they people from the authorities or where they relatives, neighbours and other "unofficials"?

edit: I'm asking seriously, not trying to prod you anywhere, because I think understanding the details of your situation a bit better might help me figure out what you could try that would be more likely to get you help and less likely to get you in trouble.

second edit: If you don't feel like disclosing this kind of detail in public, send me a PM. You are also welcome to tell me about anything else that troubles you. You are right, I can't walk over to where you live and make things right for you, but sometimes just getting another opinion from someone who is not emotionally caught up in things can be helpful and open your eyes for new possibilities to deal with things.

I've told my friend, school therapists, my old therapist, my psychiatrist, my grandmother, a priest, everyone on this website and that's about it. My school therapists made the situation so bad I had to drop out and be homeschooled and my mom threatened to send me to an asylum. The quacks just say she's OCD and that I can't really do anything about it. The others just told me the usual hang in there stuff.
I'm feeling calmer now, but I still am kinda dopey from the panic attack I got when my mom went coo coo on me. I still thnk I should go to a online group or somthing about the suicide thing. Any suggestion?

Hi Sweetie,

I'm so sorry u are experiencing this at home. Home is supposed to be a safe place to hide from the world, not a place u need protection from. I found this website Northeast Ohio Teen Helpline, and they will be able to listen, and give help. Also, I don't know if this is something u could look into, but I believe here in Canada a teen can go on assistance/welfare/social security at the age of 16...so, if u feel that u would be better off caring for urself, u could always investigate how to move out on ur own and where to get help from. A group home or foster home may also be an option, but my knowledge of how such systems work are minimal, especially in the US. Feel free to PM me if u wanna talk or if I can find out anymore information for u. This breaks my heart for u, and I want to help.

I'm sorry I can't name a useful online group to you, but I'm from Germany and the few sites I could name are all in German and thus unlikely to be of help to you.
Have you tried google? Something like "support group <name your most pressing problem here> <add the state you live in>" ought to give you something to get you started.
The website of a major hospital might also be a good place to start looking. In many cases their psychiatric wards list self help group and organisations in the same region as the hospital.
If there is a university where you live, you could go there and try to find the psychology department. (Don't worry about "getting caught". you can always say that you just want to take a look what university is like and whether you might wish to study at one later, but most of the time, people at a university simply don't care that much about who walks around there and why.) A friend of mine studies psychology and took me along a couple of times and there was all kinds of leaflets and posters in the corridors about lectures on various conditions and many of those are open ot the public as well.
There might also be some kind of office at the university that offers psychological support to their students. Even though you are not really within their responsibility, they might be able to point you into the right direction and supply a phone number of somebody who might help you.

Would it really be worse to be sent to an asylum than to stay with your family? Is there anything specific that you are afraid of that might happen in a place like that? Or are you just scared of leaving behind the life you are used to?

Fluffydog's idea of being with a shelter is a good idea. I'm not in US but in my country, those children who's homeless or father and mother are separated or for whatever reason, the children have to be there, end up being happy, confident, even well educated, sociable, etc. I believe if you go there or any place like that, you'd feel safer and happier. Worth considering.

I've been trying to find some support groups online since reading your posts, I'll keep looking. You can give a hotline a try, but I don't totally advice it (this is from personal experience) but they're not mean or anything, if you think that reaching out and trying anything may help you should go for it.

Also please post anytime you need someone here to listen.

Hello GammaGeek,

I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. These people you describe are abusive. No one should be spoken to or treated this way. It is important for you to find someone to tell who can help you as soon as possible. Maybe a friend or relative you can trust, a teacher or some other person at school, a clergy man/woman, or even the police could be someone to help you get assistance. You could try checking a local phone book yellow pages or google something like - "help for teen" with the name of your town Ohio.

If you feel like you are going to hurt yourself and need help right away, can call the police or a hospital 24/7 and tell them what's happening.

Please remember - when people talk to you like this or hurt you in any way they are the ones who are wrong. Not you. No matter what's been going on, you do not deserve to be spoken to or treated this way.

Wishing you kind and loving people in your life.

Look, I can't leave my mom. I know this sounds stupid and childish, but I kinda need her.

Before she got married, we were dirt poor. I wore the same holey shoes for years. I remember my mom work all night long and half the day to support us. We rarely saw each other, and she slept most of the day from exhaustion. That's the same woman who now will scream at me and ground me for not picking up enough trash. The quack says that although I've matured rather quickly emotionally, I still have that basic, childish need for a loving mother since she was gone most my childhood. He also said that til she accepts me, I never will accept myself. And my mother is NOT that kinda woman.

As for her husband, he just bought me a flat screen TV and iPod touch. I guess I kinda owe him the favor of insulting me for a year or so. My dad bought me the same thing he bought me last year for Christmas and my birthday in a different color (absolutely nothing), so Paul rubbing my face in that.

I'm kinda more worried about the whole cutting myself and such. When my mom overreacts, I do to. Once I do calm down, I see how irrational I was acting. My mom freaked out over the fact that my room was messy. Does that bother me? No!.... okey maybe a tad, but not enough to drive me to suicide. That would be silly. So why is it that my mother can make me feel so worthless so easily? Yes it is her fault, but you gotta admit there's probably something wrong with me too.

Don't know how to help you, then.

That isn't really all that true, or at least not in the US. One of my ex-girlfriends lived in the US, and she had a very abusive father, and she insisted that a very high amount of those not of legal age are raped when put in homes. I ended up reading about it and what she said seemed to be correct. However, while a "home" or "shelter" isn't a good idea, this situation is not good for you. If it continues, it might indeed entirely break you. :/ This is rather upsetting for me to read as I tried to come up with solutions for so long, with my ex, but I came up with nothing but "abducting" her, as in her being willing about me doing it. I was stopped from entering the country, for a random, non-criminal reason, though, so it didn't happen, and the years of abuse she had been exposed to led to her being very self-destructive, breaking up with me, over and over, and finally being unfaithful to me, which made me permanently end things with her... not saying it'll end up as it did for her, with you - just started thinking about it. I don't really know what to suggest. :/ I'd wish you had a friend you could stay with, but, just if you do... realize that guy "friends" basically never are real friends, and I'd heavily recommend against staying with anyone but a female friend. If not even that is possible, though, then the only thing I feel I can suggest is getting emotional support from people who truly understand you, like on forums. I hope things will turn out okay for you. :/ PM me if you want to, considering that experience I have had, in regards to this...

Funny with the presents he bought... how typical. So common of abusive people to buy presents. -_-; As if it fixes anything.

GammaGeek, OMG! And they wonder why people shoot up their family or their school.

I am going to give you a piece of advice. I don't know if you are religious or whatever.

I would suggest that you go to the local Catholic church and tell the priest what you have told us.

They have huge resources for helping people even if you are living at home.

I am not a Catholic but I know if you ask them for help they will never give up.

How much trouble would my mom get in? I am a baptised Catholic, so it wouldn't be too hard to convince her I was exploring the Catholic faith. Paul however will tell her I'm out getting stoned or high or whatever and she will believe him because she always does. He says I'm fat, so I'm now obese. He said my only friend was a bad person, now everyone here calls her Satan and I can't ever talk to her again. He said I'm a hopeless loser, now everyone laughs when I say I want to earn a PhD because apparently I'm an idiot. I miss when my mom got excited about my all A report cards. I don't even try anymore for that; she's pissed off whether I am passing or not. It 's HIS fault, but she won't let him go. She was never like this before she got married.

From what you have written on WP so far, I agree that the problem is mainly your stepfather, not your mother. But she lets him do all that stuff to you and that doesn't sound right to me either. Maybe she does not fully realize what is going on. Some women simply don't realize what kind of guy they are sharing their life with, amazing as that may sound.

If this is the case, your spending a week or two somewhere else might open her eyes. Currently, she most likely believes that you will stay with her no matter what, even if it means you have to deal with her abusive partner. Even running away for a day or two might not make her realize how serious all this is for you.

So I'd still propose that you temporarily leave the family. Plan for a week or two. Make certain you have all the papers and things you need. Find a safe place to stay. (I agree that females are probably a better choice here then males, not only because of the taking-advantage-aspect but also because you seem to get along better with females at the moment.) If possible, make it a place that is dedicated to giving shelter to those who need it. Asking the local church for help sounds like a good idea to me. Even if they can't offer a shelter themselves, they will most likely know of a nearby shelter that can house you for a while.

Once you make your move, do NOT tell your mother that it's only temporary. Make her wait and worry for you. Make her realize that you are desperate to get away from your stepfather. Hopefully you will get your message across and she will understand that you need her help. If she doesn't, you can still decide whether to return to your home or not.
While you're away from home, try to maintain your daily routines as well as you can. Go to school, eat on a regular basis, take care of keeping yourself in a presentable state. The more you show that you can look after yourself, the more serious I think your mother will take you.

And BeautyPact is right about the presents. A lot of abusive people think (more or less subconsciously) that they can make up for their behaviour by spending money on the people they are abusing. Many of them also feel like giving expensive presents somehow earns them the "right" to continue the abuse (which it most decidedly doesn't). That your stepfather gave you those presents and you accepted them does not mean that you have to put up with his insults and his cruelty. If he really started to like you, he'd change his behaviour towards you. (I don't mean to sound cruel, but in matters like this, I definitely don't believe in sugarcoating things.)

Last edited by FluffyDog on 04 Jan 2011, 10:27 am, edited 1 time in total.