Holy freaking crap what a horrible New Year's Eve

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I'm just now recovering from a meltdown. This has been my worst New Year's Eve ever. In the morning, I had gone to my aunt's house because I had expected we'd all spend it there, with my aunt, mother, grandmother, cousin, etc. But my mother and my aunt had a falling out over money (my mother lives at my aunt's house and my aunt asks all the residents for a contribution to the rent and utility). So, angrily my mother (and I) left the house before noon to head for my father's house where I live. To understand the context of the following you need to know that my father is a degenerate alcoholic incompetent unemployed moron, who also suffers from obsessive compulsiveness. Basically, whenever my mother is in the same room as he is, he cannot act normal. He just babbles and rants and raves and speaks out ALL his frustrations in the form of incoherent gibberish. So that's exactly what he's been doing for hours, as he's drunk again.
About half an hour ago, I couldn't bear it all anymore and started shouting and crying that I wanted a normal family, and that I wanted to interact with normal people, and not deal with incompetent degenerates, who can't even interact like adult people, and that I wanted to live on my own and not depend on others, except I haven't found a home for myself yet. I cramped up entirely, and as I have just finished my first week of work at a factory doing production/assembly work, the stress of my episode has intensified the muscle strains and minor fatigue I was already experiencing.
My mother has already left because only then my father would shut up, and she couldn't bear to see me so upset. So she left with the dog through all the fireworks that's being lit right now, and I hope she'll be safe.

Right now everything sucks and I only wish everybody else is not having such a horrific New Year's Eve as I am.

So sorry you've had to deal with all of this. Try to get some sleep and just remember - I'm not sure if there is such a thing as a "normal" family. Yours does sound particularly challenging, but all families have their stresses and issues, even the ones that might look perfect from the outside.

Hopefully if you can keep going with your job you'll be able to get to the point financially where you can create a peaceful space for yourself. Having a calm, safe home environment really helps with anxiety and meltdowns. I know it did for me and for my AS son after my divorce.

I'm sorry you have to endure such BS right now. I grew up with pretty much the same kind of family and I credit it to saving my life. WHY? It gave me something to focus on... getting as FAR AWAY FROM THAT as I could. I didn't know who I wanted to be but I did know that I didn't want to be THAT. Eventually I came in contact with a computer and my life hasn't been the same since (it is my longest running focus). I worked my butt off to buy my first computer; then when I went into overload I'd go immerse myself in programming or learning something new from computer bulletin boards (it was pre-internet). I owe my whole career to that decision

Sadly you have the family you have and you won't get very far changing them. Instead set your sights away from that BS and use it as a motivation to get the heck out of that situation to one you can control.

Good luck

I've learned with time, that by raising no expectations or preparing myself for the worse, makes it easier to ignore and not to let what people say or do upset me.

I have spent an entire year laid off.

The last time I spent a lot of time laid off (7 months for me after 9/11) I reinvented myself. I spent 8 hours a day getting ready for a new job in a slightly different field and applying for jobs. The important part is to try not to let it get you down. You can always start a business doing what you're good at.

A few tips:
-Make your resume focused to the job you're applying for. Remove/down play anything that doesn't apply. If you're applying for different kinds of jobs create separate resumes/cover letters/etc for each.
-Make sure your resume has ZERO mistakes/typos/etc.
-On online job sites update your online resume every day; even if it is just to make cosmetic changes. This keeps you at the top of the list.
-Stay up beat. Nothing kills a job interview like being a depressed 'Debbie Downer'
-Learn as much about the company that you're applying for and the job you're apply for as you can so that you won't have to ask awkward questions. Smile but don't over do it. If you can get the interviewer talking he/she will think you're confident even if you don't feel that way.

Thank you all for the replies, especially authormum.

I regret I ended up spending my New Year alone, with no one to wish Happy New Year to (for the first time in my life, I should add). I wasn't in the mood to phone anyone right then. I went to bed shortly before midnight, and despite the noise of the fireworks, I was asleep by 12:30 AM.

My mother visited in the morning, so it was nice to see her at least.

jedaustin, I normally have a relatively good rapport with my family, with the exception of my father, but I can usually at least count on them. They're still my family, and I especially love my mother and owe much to her. But, the reason I freaked yesterday, is that for a while it appeared as though the situation was going to revert to how it was 3-5 years ago, because my mother was considering moving back into my father's house. And that would have meant a return of all the squabbling and arguments and nonsensical conversations/situations. And THAT, in turn, had been the reason I had suffered stress, depression, subsequent apathy when I was around the age of 17-20, making it very difficult for me to focus on studying for my exams, and twice finding myself unable to prepare for them. I was afraid that, if that old situation were restored, all the stress would return for me, right now when I feel I'm taking my life into my own hands finally. But I agree, I must break away from this.

Todesking, sorry to read you spent an entire year unemployed; I hope you'll be able to find a good job for yourself very soon. I know applying for work can be difficult, and I only owe my current job to a classmate in my language course who knew the company where her aunt works, was looking for people.

I also wish you all a Happy New Year.