Talking to people, depression and suicide

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I've pretty much had enough, aye. I'm sick of not being able to talk to people I don't know and fell insecure around normally. Especially males, I just cann't talk to them.

No-one ever says hi to me, either because they're scared of me of don't like me, because of the fact I don't know what to say around people so often I just don't. I can't change myself. I'm never, ever going to change. I'ts always been like this and will be forever more. I don't want to be like this. I want to be able to talk to people I like. I don't want to come across as rude. But I just CAN'T talk to people.

I've been in a sunken depression for months on end now, and it's not getting any better no matter how hard I try. My heart is hurting, it's all smushed up.

I don't know whether suicide is an option yet, but i'm not ruling it out, I hate myself, and everything about me. I don't know how easy it is to accuire a gun. Other methods are just too long winded or painful, i've had my fair share of pain. I'm not here because I want attention or people to beg me not to do it, I'm here because I need to talk about it.

For me, suicide is an option, but it isn't the only option.
I tried shooting myself once, but for some reason the the stupid gun wouldn't go off. I felt even worse after because I thought I was pathetic for not being able to use it right.
Right now, I'm glad it didn't go off, but I've always wondered what would be on 'the other side'.
I think you made the right choice to talk about it; I made a post very similar to this a day ago.
I want you to stay on here. I'll miss you very much if you decided to leave.

Don't kill yourself. I'd miss reading your posts.

I second that.

Hi Hale

i have suffered a decent amount of depression myself....pot has worked well for me(the only medicine i've ever had for it)....but when i think about popping myself....there are several things to consider...

for instance...the emotional state im in right now will change as human emotions do over time
(so therefore i cry and wail about...shake my fists at the sky type thing...and feel surprisingly better in the morning...if not a little sheepish eheh(this feeling good is temporary...just like the depressed mood....i *try* and enjoy both as much as possible))

what things i may as well experience that i havent yet b4 i pop myself...

also i try to increase being curious about the world & forget that people dont understand me or appear to be against me enjoying my existance etc

ie. looking at pics like this: http://www.biochem.szote.u-szeged.hu/astrojan/cropb.jpg
...and wondering how 10000+ of these could be done by 2 guys and some wire


if we are all going to die everntually thru some means or another....why not live it up as much as you can and try to decrease the monotony of life and increase primary experience etc...live as much of an adventure as u can...internally/externally...it matters not

also...try not to put put all guys (as an example) in one basket...u can put most things in the one basket....but for discerning people...there are always a few things that are actually worth the price of admission...

on the 'other side'.....in tibetan buddhism....they say u only get 7-49 days there (Bardo) b4 u are reborn and hafta start all over again.....ala groundhog day/nietzsche's eternal reccurance.....which would be a bit of a 'sigh' after popping urself

I agree suicide is a horrible option, if anyone dies that to me is very hurtful.. but at the same time, I know that telling someone not to do it without another good option can be useless. The whole problem is knowing for a fact your life is pointless and will continue to suck until you finally croak.. making you wanna skip to the end credits, like fast forwarding a bad movie. I know that to me, I don't want anything out of life except love and relationships with people. That is WHO I AM, a career, money, power, fame, any object or anything I could do on this Earth means nothing to me, all that matters is Love and People to me.. and yet the only thing that I want in life is the one thing I know I can't have. So who brings forward the better option than suicide?

i will...

i would agree with u in an unchanging world....but who's to say things won't change? since everything is evolving n all

therefore waiting it out to see if there is change that gives you some momentum towards something you care about seems like a decent alternative...

learn like u'll live forever, live like u'll die tomorrow

I once tried cutting my wrist... didn't work though, I went across the stream instead of down the river.

Honestly, I hate the ideas of wristcutting and gory type of ways out. I don't wanna be found or hurt ppl or anything, so I just wish I could find 'a hole' I can go into and essentially disappear from existance. Maybe we all should rent a spaceship together and vanish.. or does that make us a cult? Lol.

definately up for the spaceship idea.....how fun would it be to explore the cosmos!

i wonder how 1000's of aspies together on a big ship would go....be interesting to say the least

i've found it easier to talk to people after i mention and explain aspergers. that i don't intend to seem rude and that it's better for them to intiate conversation than expect me to and about my trouble reading body language. i'm not as nervous and worried about saying something weird or stupid or not reacting the right way. i come off too strong if i don't tell them.

maybe most people will be put off by this fowardness, but the ones who aren't will understand you much better.

(you're an awesome commenter, hale, and i hope every thing works out for you and you feel better soon.)

But Hale_Bopp, I don't think it's you with the problem. I think it's all the selfish people in this world.
You seem like a genuinely nice person, and anybody who doesn't like you can go jump off a bridge. (Sorry if that sounded harsh)

Yes, you must live so you can amuse us! Muhahaha!

I knew a guy that tried to kill himself by shooting himself in the head. The gun went off and stuff, but half his face just got removed, you could say. Now he is in a difficult sitiuation for the rest of his life. He is disfigured.

I suffer from depression and tried to suicide option, clearly it didn't work. But trying suicide is not really a good idea. Your feeling will pass. If you do feel suicidal, go to the hospital and check in for the 3 day visit in the pysch ward.

And I second that also.

Is it people who are around you or people on the net as well that you refer to? It's awful that you feel this way. I know it can be difficult sometimes for people around you to interact with you as I have had this experience myself. It made me feel very lonely, but then I had depression at the time which didn't help. Depression, unfortunately, seems to have an adverse effect on the social skills of a person. And, as I have been through this myself, being an Aspie, this makes it even harder as our social skills aren't exactly the best in the world to begin with. And then when you don't succeed in socialising, it depresses you further. It's a definite catch 22 situation. What has caused you to be so depressed? The situation where you feel you can't talk to people or something else? Because really (easier said than done I know) you have to figure out why you are down and deal with this otherwise this cycle is just going to continue for you. I got my family to help me with it in the end as no one really wanted to talk to me at the time either.

I'm really sorry hale_bopp that you're feeling low. All that I can say is that I've been to the point of suicide, but invariably I do start to feel better. I think you should just stick to life and hope for the best. As you get older, things might improve... they did for me, I think because I grew to accept myself more.