I just need reassurance from SOMEONE

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On this forum's info, it says to get "reassurance from friends" or something. But although I love posting here, because I know it will be seen by someone like me, I don't have any clear cut people who know me really well or anything. That doesn't bother me, though.

This is what bothers me.

I feel unappreciated. I have a brilliant uncle and fantastic parents, and I should feel lucky that they're in my life, and that they can help me, but some things are just too abstract to tell them. I feel as if nobody really sees me for who I am, and are too caught up in making fun of me or making fun of my friends to really see if I care or not.

People bully me. Not really awfully, but they do. Stuff like calling my name, watching me turn to see who's called me, and then they giggle to themselves because they've attracted my attention. They tell me how they heard I kissed [insert class member's name], and they just like to wind me up. My friend gets it worse, and I hate it when he gets bullied, because we're the same really.

I hate how he can just take (he's an Aspie too, by the way) that abuse without shrugging. I just want to confront them because of the things they say, but when I try, they just laugh at me even more.

I want someone to tell me I'm not an idiot, because everyone else seems to think I am. Everyone else wants to see me suffer and see me get worked up.

I had an awful day today. It wasn't anything in particular. I just found out I was an Aspie very recently, and although it's opened a new area of understanding for me, I've been feeling under so much pressure. I need to succeed in maths to get into game design, my ultimate goal, but I'm useless at Maths, and in my opinion, didn't get a good enough mark in Honours maths, and I feel as if I'm going to to fail at my life if I fail Maths.

The pressure, frustration and stress manifests itself as self harm. I cut myself with compasses, and I punch my forehead and I hit myself with books when I feel as if I have disappointed myself, or let someone down.

I just had an awful day, where the feelings of stress and pressure just built and built, and eventually I felt like I was the one to blame, where I know I wasn't.

I hate to bother people like this, but I am just so angry, so stressed, and feel so awful that I felt I needed to post this.

(By the way I got 62 per cent in Maths)....

-Maladroit

It's totally okay to share things like this at the Haven. It's what this place is intended for.

I know how it can be really difficult to keep your temper when people are harassing you. It's not easy to change one's behaviour towards things like this, but your friend's attitude sounds more helpful to me. There was a certain point in my life when I couldn't take the bullying anymore and become physically aggressive towards a classmate. That got me into a lot of trouble, but it also got me thinking. In the end, it allowed me to react more laidback to taunts.
What I figured out for myself was that they would go on bullying, no matter what I did about it, but that I could get myself into trouble if I reacted to it. After that event, I remained outwardly calm and didn't give away much of what I felt when they bullied me, then after school went home and told our dog what had happened and on the bad days I cried into his fur. After a while the bullying became less and there where less days when I had to use the dog as my last refuge. That in turn made me more relaxed and I could take the taunts that still occured more easily.
I know this won't work for everybody, but there is ways to deal with this kind of treatment.

I can reassure you that you will have less experiences like these after you are no longer in school.

Maybe not much comfort, but hopefully a little.

I used to be a perfectionist too. It's not a bad trait to have. It's easier to fix than the other extreme.

You are not the only one. I feel the same way, though less extreme (not all the time, and I do not hurt myself, although I used to have a habit of whacking my head on things). People pick on me because I get a reaction, and I take them seriously if they are making a joke. I know that I am right, I know that I should not listen to others' opinions, but it makes me miserable. But sometimes I feel superior.

Philosophy is my way out. The wisest people have inevitably been alone, have no one to turn to and made fun of/hated by the masses (neurotypicals?). They show individuality when everyone else joins the group. You, and I, and many, if not all, aspies are like them. It is not be fun, does not make us happy, and most certainly is not be easy. But it is better to have philosophy - the truth - than to be miserable for nothing. I saw a poll somewhere around here asking if aspies would rather be right or happy, and most said right.

I take reassurance from many of the wisest men throughout history (back in those days, women were not given a chance).

Otherwise, I reassure myself. See if you can manage that, it is hard, I have not (yet) perfected it, but learning to be alone could be a very good skill.

If mathematics is not your strong point, try out some other stuff. You may not succeed in video game designing and if you are not good at the basics I do not see how you could succeed. But if you find what you are good at, go for that instead and you will probably enjoy it much more.

You are certainly not the only one and I'm sure you are not an idiot. You sound way smarter than the classmates you describe.

When I was a child, my sister would tickle me relentlessly. It was one of the most frustrating things for me. My parents wouldn't intervene. I begged her to stop. Looking back, I don't think any of them meant to hurt me, they just didn't realized how much it bothered me. I had no other option than to learned to control my reactions. It was hard to do! I remember clenching my teeth and tensing my muscles to get through it. And it worked. She had a short attention span and after a dozen or so failed attempts to tickle me, she found other ways to entertain herself.

I can't give any advice on the perfection issues - it's something I struggle with too. And I never had bullies at school - or more accurately, if there were bullies at school, I never noticed (too busy being in my own world).

I hope your days get better.

People can be so cruel. they are cruel because they don't understand. Your friends obviously don't care what people say they like you for you. I know its hard to ignore people when they are so cruel and harsh. but you have to its the only way I learned that lesson the hard way. I've always been the oddball in my school because I don't have any of the same intrest as the people around me most of my free time goes towards taking care of my autistic brother. I normally just ignored what people said about me but if they said something about my brother id get really mad get into a fight and id be the only one who got in trouble not them.. I had to force myself to ignore them. please don't hurt yourself anymore I was a cutter for almost a year I know it makes it seem like it hurts less but its not really helping you tell your uncle or your parents about it you have people who care about you and want whats best for you

I went through the same thing when I was your age. Things got better for me after I graduated.