Best friend no longer a friend

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I noticed a few days ago my best friend James was no longer on my friends list on Facebook, my partner said it was probably a Facebook fault as James was still on his friends list, I finally sent James a message today to ask what was up and I got the following back;
"I'm at work at the moment so not willing to go into detail.
Right now all I'll say is that I don't hate you, I just think as people we've grown apart."
I'm feeling numb. I don't understand.

James and I became friends when we used to work together, I was also friends with a lot of other people in my old job, but I had felt I was drifting away from the others because as they all worked together there they were able to maintain their friendships, while I was not part of their working group and being unemployed I wasn't able to go out with them to maintain friendships. This has been causing me a great deal of distress - as you all know, it's hard to make new friends.

James was the one who I remained friends with, I could always count on him to go out with, he invited me to his wedding and asked me to consider being godparent to his first child, he was also a link to the others. I saw James just a few weeks ago when we went out clubbing, although he went home early there was nothing to suggest anything was any different. The only thing I can think of to have been an issue was that at his wedding a few months ago I was having a bad day and felt really uncomfortable in that situation, he picked up on this as he commented on it when we last went out, but maybe it was more of a problem for him than I had first thought.

I'm confused as to what's different, I had no idea this was coming, if it was because I was uncomfortable at his wedding then that's not something I could have helped and that almost makes it worse, if it was just that we've drifted apart then fine let the friendship dissolve don't deal with it by removing me from your life all together! It feels like I'm to blame, I'm dreading getting another message from him telling me why he no longer wants to be friends...but whatever he says...we're no longer friends.

What this now leaves me with is that I'm no longer connected to my old friends, I no longer have a best friend, and I no longer have any friends. I don't understand why he's done this, and I don't understand now why I'm someone who has no friends. I have no job, no money, no future, I live in emergency housing, no family, no friends...I mean really, I have my partner but I really worry that he isn't going to stay, so what happens if he was to leave too...what the hell would I have left?!

I really can't express how much this has upset me.

At lest practically every single one of your friends didn't leave you on the same day.

But I know how you feel. Even losing one friend hurts.

I wish I could help. I send my sympathies. :\

Sounds like he has issues. What an arse! Personally I would return the favour and block him.

Given as he knows I'm unemployed and struggling keeping in touch with my friends...yeah, bit of an arse to kick me when I'm at my lowest.

I second Hale-bopp- that was a bit cold to just delete you without even giving you a chance to explain.

Any chance the new wife might have had something to do with it? Just wondering...

That hurts, certainly. I have been on both sides of this. I have had people cut me out of their lives with no warning or explanation, and I have been forced to do this to people who did not understand boundaries. I hope that now the dead wood has been cut away, you can grow some new friends. Maybe he felt that he couldn't relate to you anymore, maybe it is the new wife; who can say? Painful as it is, there is now the possibility to meet other people. As Aspies, it is very hard to make new friends. But not impossible. I wish this for you.

There is a possibility, she never liked me (I've done nothing to her, just to clarify), but not sure why it would suddenly be a factor.

The only way that we could have 'grown apart' would be because now he's married, with a house, job, savings, pensions - he's being a boring grown-up and as I'm unemployed and don't have any of those things and have no interest in being boring by no longer going out with friends (he said after we last went out that he was getting too old for that - he's only 30, and that doesn't rule out us being friends). Donno, as I say I have no idea what's going on, 7 years of being best friends, for him to suddenly cut me out of his life like that makes no sense.

I think it's just horrible. Even if you're not really friends with someone, they can still have you on their facebook.

I think his lame excuse was to cover up something deeper. People do that to me, they are tossers. Karma will get them in the end.

You might have a point there, Bloodheart. Again, I can say this from the other side of this situation. I had a friend for a little over a year. When I met my boyfriend, she became whiny, clinging and insecure. Before that she was fun to be around. I began to feel as if we had nothing in common. When she would call, she was always wanting me to spend time with her when I had already made plans. And, she never had anything interesting to discuss; mostly negativity and insecurity. I got really tired of it. I had to walk on eggshells because she kept reading things into what I would say, or fancying that I "didn't like her anymore." I didn't know how to handle it, so I started ignoring her or saying I was busy. It can be hard to break off a friendship!

It's painful when you break up with someone. Time heals eventually. Keep your head up and keep being yourself.

This happened to me with a few people and, oddly, it was all around the same time but none were related as far as I knew. It's heartbreaking that it happened and heartbreaking that it doesn't make any sense. It's unfair but there's little that can be done about it. You just have to let it and him go.

i have found the opposite to be true, i think i have more meaningful friendships now than i ever had as a kid,

I know I haver to let it go.
Right now it does feel like a break-up, which is horrible.

I'm feeling very lost, now suddenly not having my best friend, or any friends. With no way of making new friends this makes me feel all the more pathetic, it means even less chance to socialise or to get out of the house, and I just don't know what I'm going to do now.

I know the feeling and I know what I said is much easier said than done. I've been there. It's almost worse not knowing why than it is losing the person. I can't really be mad at them but I want to be mad at them... but what am I going to be mad at them for? It's just awkward to figure out.

It's clear that he wasn't your best friend for a while. NTs don't make rash decisions like this. They'll sit on it for a long time and decide it's done long before they make it official. Usually we don't know until we've been cut off. An aspie friend of mine didn't know his girlfriend didn't love him until he came home from work and saw that her and her brothers had moved her out of their place. He really thought everything was going okay. He still has no idea what went wrong because she's never spoken to him since.

But removing someone from your facebook is a punk-ass way to tell someone you don't want to be friends with them. I think that's disrespectful of him but I'll bet that's not uncommon for people to do.

Making friends is harder when you're an adult. You can make friends at college. You have to make a point to go out with them for a bite to eat or some coffee after class. And you might want to consider special interest groups or if there's an association at the college that you can join. For me, making friends is not unlike the lottery. There's some effort on my part (I've got to buy the ticket) but all of it is really just luck. My church is a jackpot when it comes to this because it's full of non-judgmental, friendly people who want to like people (not all churches are, unfortunately). But a church community is only good if you actually subscribe to whatever that religion is and, even then, it's still a roll of the dice what kind of people are populating that community.

Something I recently did was move my family into a large apartment community. Living so close to so many other people has provided lots of opportunities for conversation, positive acquaintances and friendships. I've basically increased the numbers so my odds of forming friendships is higher.

I don't have any doubt that you'll make friends and, what's cool is that when you make them now, they'll be real friends who are actually investing emotionally in you. And I know this will happen because if your former best friend had felt that you'd offended or wronged him, he would've told you and you would've known. He wouldn't have just cut you off. So it wasn't you, it was him. So I have no doubt that you'll make some solid, quality friends in the future.

Maybe she was waiting to 'seal the deal' before putting her foot down? A lot of girls are jealous of their boyfriend's female friends.

(this is pure guesswork though- apologies to her if she's totally innocent!)

It is possible that because he is married now he wants to drop all of old friends. A lot of people try to do that to get a fresh start on their marriage. I knew 2 people back when I was in college and they didn't want to have anything to do with me after they got married.