I don't know what to do anymore, and I can't take this.

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I am 21, I live in Michigan, and I want to get out of my house, away from anywhere familiar. I am in a situation that can only have negative consequences in whatever choice is made. I am stuck at this house with someone I cannot co-exist with. My step-father is a terrible person, he takes every chance he can get to verbally abuse me, my brother, and my mother. He will take any anger absorbed through the day found in inconveniences and insults from outside sources, and he will take his anger out on us by looking for things that aren't 'perfect' in effect by us, or he'll even make up things just for the chance to scream vulgarities at us and insult everything about us. He is the only person to ever make me so angry, yet I am kind enough to not beat him to an inch near death, anything I could say or do to THAT MAN in anger would only make things worse for my mother and brother, and of course myself.
Recently, it has come to my attention that my brother is going to chicago to teach for about 3 1/2 months. That leaves me to take over my brother's position to work for my step-father in the heating & cooling business for that duration, and if my brother gets a perminent teaching position that would make me have to work longer for THAT MAN. I already get enough demoralizing verbal abuse when I am at the house, but working for HIM would make me have to deal with constant abuse all day everyday, I simply cannot take that. I would rather die, than take anymore of that.
I've talked to my brother about THAT MAN, and he tells me to shut up and forget it. I try to make my mother understand that THAT MAN is a bad person, and that allowing HIM to demoralize us like that isn't healthy, but she makes excuses for his actions, like a common wife in denial that they're being abused, or even... a bad parent that would make excuses for their bad child in that sense. Her failure to grasp the situation with all given logic leaves her as part of the problem and I have decided that I don't want much to do with any of them anymore. I want to cast them out of my life, by leaving their presence forever to somewhere away from them.
I was diagnosed late with Aspergers Syndrome, and until my final diagnosis I was constantly telling my mother throughout school since elementary the problems I had in class, but I was always yelled at for my excuses and told that I was lying about it. All I got after so many years was "I'm sorry" from my mother, the same 'sorry' you get if someone bumps into you, they should be begging my forgiveness on their knees, for every problem I've had has been caused by my mother and step-father's neglect. My brother was normal and he was able to function quite well with anyone. Nobody knew what Aspergers Syndrome was, even after I was diagnosed with it, the schools didn't try to do anything with it, and neither did my parents. The only attempt made was that I was put is some classes that they use for other kids that can't function as normally as most others, and it was the worst atmosphere for anyone with AS. My brother was given a jump start in life, I was given an anchor to slow me down. There is no question that I need to get away from this hell hole of a family, but how is what I'd like to know.

I cannot drive because of some nerve damage I was born with, I have about $1500 in my secret savings, and I need to find a way to get out of here and start my life over in a better place. If I chose not to work for my step-father, I'd be kicked out onto the streets aways. So it is better that I just leave. I need to find a plan that could get me far away into an affordable apartment somewhere, and a job that could help me save for school and then beyond to a career eventually. It hurts to say, but it is truly obvious that I have nobody that cares about me in any real way. I am intelligent, and I can safely say that I am more intelligent than anyone I have met face to face, and I choose to not belong here anymore. Help me out, please. If it isn't too much of a bother.

Hi, Dougse85!

It is a really great idea to go out on your own and get out of that abusive situation. Once you cast that anchor off, you can fly! Also, to deal with the hurtful behavior of others, I have turned to God. The Bible clarified everything for me very well and is a source of surprising wisdom and clarity. It has helped me to go on and become /happy/ in a world filled with demons.

Because you cannot drive, I'd search for an apartment that is within walking distance of where you work. $1,500 gives you a great start. You will wind up using a lot of it to pay for the security deposit, which is usually first month's rent. However, this is THE time to rent, so you might get a place without a security deposit if you're lucky! Also, you will need to buy basic things like toiletries, a bed, etc. I still sleep on a blow-up mattress which has lasted for years, so you don't need to spend a lot up front. Since you do not drive, you do not need to worry about auto-insurance. You'll hopefully get health insurance from the job. Also, you probably want to work and live somewhere near a grocery store too. I'm just brainstorming here. I did this SAME THING in Atlanta -- started from nothing but a credit card and a dream in Marietta!

It's totally, totally worth it. You are the perfect age to do this, too. Not too young, not too old: absolutely perfect.

I'm excited for you! Please keep us posted on your progress!! !

God, that sucks!!

I can sympathize a little because I too am stuck in my house, am 22, and cannot drive.
Fortunately I do not have to deal with any abusive family members, but it is still driving me crazy!

I know how freaking scary it is to go out on your own.
Can you live at the YMCA? I think they have cheap rooms. Can you put an
ad in the paper to share the cost of a room with someone? That will be cheaper.
Can you maybe even live in a youth hostel (like $20 a night) for a week or two while looking for other opportunities?
There should be numerous opportuniies for a young single man to live affordably if you're not looking for too much luxury.
You should live near public transit system if possible.
If you have AS you could contact Voc Rehab in your state and they may
be able to help find you a job.

Good luck, you are very brave, it is probably possible to do but scary as hell I realize, but it sounds like you need to do it

Kate

Keep telling your step father you want to work with him. But say you
need more money so your getting a second part time job at night. Do that
and hopefully as your money builds up the part time job boss will say "hey
we need you full time" You then look for a place to live close to work and/or
cheap. Then make the move. Tell your step father your sorry(incase you
have to come back) and move out. Just enrolling in school would allow you
to barrow money for school. Generally you do not have to save money for
college. They will allow you money for living to. What is your staus with
college right now?

I found out that my brother will more than likely get a permanent teaching job in chicago at the school he'll be student teaching for those 3 1/2 months, after he's done with that student teaching of course. I will be able to move in with him for a while then. That would be convenient considering that I plan on going to a specific tech school that is near there, plus there is public transportation in chicago (unlike the remote area that I currently live in).
I guess I'll have to find a way to endure the remainder of the year, and I'll be sure to be free from the demoralizing world of the past. After I'm done with that tech school, I'll then leave the country for where I have a job reserved in a certain company (they liked some of the patented work I showed them, and they want me to liscense it and other stuff I've done off to them). It may sound so simple or unrealistic from how I typed out the process in getting there, but the details in between are well considered and just too much of a bother to type all of it on a post (like why I'm going to that school before I accept working for that company).

I always try to truly look objectively at a problem before I judge and so should you.

Here are the steps you take to go out on your own.

1. Get a job. Or get a second job. Suck it up and work your balls off and save every penny. $1500 is not enough to start a life with.
2. Come up with a plan. This is fun. Get a map and throw a dart at it, wherever it lands is where you've decided you want to move to. This is half of your problem: where are you going to go.
3. Save and save and save. You want as much money as possible for when you move out on your own. I'd say at least $5000 would do it. Graph it out on paper- figure out how much you make every week to end up with $5000. Turn it into days. That way, you can say "XX more days then I'm outta here!"
4. From here, it's a countdown till ignition. With this new perspective (believe it or not) you'll suddenly be at peace with the world- instead of fighting the world around you, you'll be happy to know that everything around you is all going away in XX days. Someone piss you off? No problem- in XX days they'll be out of your life so screw 'em.

Here's the kicker-
5. When D-Day arrives, open the box and look at five grand cash. Now you have enough money to tell everyone to piss off.

At this point, you will have a clear perspective of your situation. With enough money in your hand to walk away from the life you currently have, ask yourself "Should I stay or should I go?"

If you decide to leave, you have the cash to do it with. From here, you:
1. Pack up all your stuff. Sell the stuff you don't want to bring with you or burn it.
2. Put all this stuff into storage somewhere. Beg, borrow or steal a car and put it all in storage and only you have the key.
3. Pack a backpack and a suitcase and off you go- buy your plane or train ticket one way to wherever you're going.

When you get there, rent a one bedroom apartment- you want your own place. Of course you should have lined this up already online months ago. Two month's rent plus security deposit... $900 to $1500 spent.

Next you'll need furniture. About $1000 should do it. Salvation Army, flea market or auction- you can find a bed, dresser, couch and used fridge for about $1000. You also need a TV and a DVD player. And a computer.

Next you need to go clothes shopping. Since you're a new man, you need new clothes. Bring $500 to the nearest Old Navy or Gap or whatever and buy yourself some new duds.

Then you need to go food shopping- $50 a week should be enough, hope you know how to cook.

By now you have less than $2000 left, which is enough for you for another month or so. Keep in mind you gotta pay the rent in four weeks plus the electric bill, phone bill, water bill etc.. which is about $100 more a month.

Call the storage place and have them ship all your stuff to you... this should be about $500. (No one realizes the hardest part of moving is physically moving).

Next, get a job. Any job, anywhere. Go to the closest Walmart and tell them you like being underpaid. They'll put you right on. Or Burger King or whatever. Hey- millions of people work there and know what? They hire on the spot.

From here it's all about math. Will you make enough to pay the rent (300-500), utilities (100), food (200) and other (200) a month? Probably. If you work full time even at minimum wage you can squeek by on your own.

And since you already bought new clothes and new furniture and since you have your own place you're set- all you gotta do now is work and pay the bills. In short, you'll end up just like any of the hundred million other Americans.

Ya see? Moving out isn't as glamorous as you thought! If you want to do it anyway, follow the above steps.

PS- If you decide not to move out, you'll end up with five grand cash in your hand. Go buy yourself a convertable or a jacuzzi or whatever- at least get something tangable out of this experience.

I agree with everything ladakh said except this last bit.

If you decide not to move out, keep saving. You ARE going to want to move out eventually - and the more money you have to do it with, the better. Things usually cost more than you think they will.