There is nothing for me here...

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Ive wasted so much time and effort trying to live a merely "adequate" life. I work for barely over minimum wage, i live in my mother's basement, im a classic "failure to launch" i dont have a girlfriend, i dont even know how or where to start.

its like the old saying "$hit or get off the pot". ive been sitting on the proverbial pot for so long that my leg muscles have atrophied. Im coming to realize that no matter what i do, a life of adequacy is a luxury i cannot have.

i never knew how to socialize, so i was an outcast in high school. by not having that socialization, i never had those tools in my adult life, i wouldnt have the first clue how to start a relationship beacuse i never had one to begin with.

i am trying to rid myself of my pride, trying to humble myself, i believe self-esteem is bad, but i believe that we as society should be building each other up, encouraging each other. I try to find good in people and build them up, encourage them (IRL). All my efforts have been met with rejection, i am always feeling a sense of unwelcomeness, including at the church i used to attend. they tend to look down on single 24yo men. I was assumed to either be gay, or a complete fool who doesnt know how to run his life. im not gay so that kind of narrows it down doesnt it?

Of course, im self-diagnosed seasonal affective. here we are the dead of winter, a week before valentines day and i have nobody. The heat may be cranked to 79, but ive never felt so cold.

Why do you think self-esteem is bad?

Self-esteem is loving yourself while not putting yourself above others.

Pride is loving yourself but putting yourself above others.

That's how I see it.

On topic, have you tried a psychiatrist? You really shouldn't give up. You're denying yourself any future chances by doing that. You should also try simply enjoying what you have, rather than focusing on what you don't.

Honestly I don't think you can rightfully consider yourself a failure at 24. If you're not happy with your job, now would be a good time to start considering getting training for a career you would rather have.

Why don't you go to one of those christian singles mixer things and see if you can find a girlfriend there.