Why am I this way?

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I am 21 years old, and live here in deserty Phoenix, AZ. All my life, I knew something was wrong, and I knew that I was different than others. I didn't make my first real friend until I was in the 12th grade. I never really had any friends before that, and was just my lonely self sitting in a corner. Also, I never had a girlfriend, kisses, hugs, never been to my high school prom, or any of that matter.

I live with 4 roommates, who are your normal typical college kids. They don't really do anything that I am interested in, obviously. I live here because the building looked real nice, and it has talking elevators, which I thought were cool. Also because I passed their credit check, as to which I do not have the best of.

I owe everyone including my one friend a lot of money. I run my own business, but currently having trouble finding clients, and not so sure if this was a good route to take because I don't succeed well socially, and my business involves a lot with dealing with customers.

Rent is coming up in 3 days, and I have a total of $1.57 in my name. My AT&T bill is coming up, on the 2nd, and I have no money to pay that. Without the AT&T up and running, I am not able to get calls from customers, and if I am not able to get calls from customers, I am not able to pay rent. I feel that I am in a catch 22 and do not know where to go.

I can't go back to school, because I owe a huge remaining balance on my account. They won't let me sign up for any classes unless I pay them all the money. This also invalidated my financial aid, so I won't be getting anymore money to pay for school.

I have no one other than my one best friend to run to, my family doesn't support me, and if I were to get into a fight with my best friend, I have no one to run to. I do not know what to do. I just feel trapped, and even had suicidal thoughts before. I live on the 8th floor of my apartment building, which is not a good thing to have those thoughts, and live on the 8th floor, with a balcony overlooking the street.

I really could use a friend, and I had a crush on a wonderful girl, but unfortunately she is taken. I am not into girls who are your normal "ditzy california girl"....I am looking for a smart girl, who isn't a toothpick either, but not fat either, I can't even explain it!

I just got a speeding ticket, and just paid the city their share, and glad I got that off of my chest, but unfortunately, that is also the reason why I only have $1.57. The ticket ate through my entire savings (I know, it is very sad that I only had $200 in my savings account).

I don't think I have anywhere else to run. I am in a hole, and there is just no way out. No one is there to hold my hand and help show me the way. I don't think I can survive without some guidance, and someone to tell me in the face what to do, and help me do it in the process.

So they say why not get a job? I do not want to work at some ghetto McDonald's job, and letting my computer skills go to waste, because no one will take me because I don't have some degree or certifications. I setup entire networks that were running on Windows Server 2003, an entire domain controller, when I was 14 years old....I don't need no stupid degree, I know what I am doing...but companies don't care, they only care about some stupid peice of paper with your name on it saying you can cheat on a test and have a lot of money to go to school to get said paper. I setup Novell networks as well, though most don't use Novell anymore.

you are among many [legions, really] with similar stories to tell. when my life ground to a halt in a big train wreck, homelessness was my final destination, and i stayed there a while before i swallowed my pride and moved back in with my parents and eventually joined the military for a serious life "reset." sometimes it seems that hitting rock bottom is unavoidable. sorry, i don't have any answers for you in terms of changing the direction of your life- life is a ride that some people have more control of than others. i had no control over my life ride, i just had to go where it wanted to go.
BTW, welcome to WP

I feel for ya, man. I can relate. It's a tough kinda cold world out there but we have to get what we can take, even if it's not what we'd pick 1st or even 8th choice. I'll tell you, you Never know what's just around the corner, if you're willing to continue on in this walk called life. well, I never coulda guessed. besides the probs you can't deny that life is beautiful. I can relate with the woman thing. my take on that is, you never fully know what it might be like with someone. w/ <3 I've dodged bullets

I'd hate to tell you, but if that ghetto mcdonalds job gets you money, then you may want to consider getting that job.

You were smart to pay that off. I put a speeding ticket off once, forgot about it, and ended up getting arrested for driving on a suspended license, when I didn't even know I had a suspended license! It cost me over $1,500 instead of $150.

As far as being in a hole, I've been there over and over. Life goes on.

You may have to lower your job expectations temporarily. I once worked as a telemarketer just so I could eat....and the job made me physically ill. Here is the best part of it - my manager said I just wasn't trying hard enough. If I tried harder, in a couple of years I might rise to his position..... (I didn't put it on my resume, but I have a Master's degree in Business. I just kept reminding myself that it was Temporary.

This happened to me also. But I was told once I pay the balance, my financial aid will be reinstated. (I was going for a second degree.)