taking over me

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forgive me for using the title of an evanescense song but it desribes this perfectly.

torch 3 is taking over i can't do anything anymore it demands my attention 24\7 i can't sleep, [actually that was always a problem] i can't draw, i can't play games, watch tv, or anything that would interupt it, heck writing this message is hard.
but i don't want to lose it but i want to be able to do other stuff but i'm afraid of losing it again. soon my thoughts will be controlled what else will i not be able to do. it's coming down to the only thing i can do is listen to music and that's it.
fighting it just give me a headache.
i'm scared i'll be slave to this.
next i'll leave here because torch 3 gets held back.
i'm not trying to be over dramatic i'm dead serious.

i am not sure i understand what you mean. what is torch 3?

a story i keep in my head i put this discription on another forum

it is also the way i keep torch 3 running i do so by discribing events in my head to myself and then i get a visual and i can even make the characters talk and with their own voices as long as i hear what their voices sound like i can then figure out what they would sound like saying other stuff. i told this to my mom and she said that she can only picture stale images and nothing animated, me if i want to picture saix going beserk and then have a fight with uh marly then i can actually watch the fight in crisp flawless animation. and it seems my tv has good graphics too, i had to say.

i hope this explains it.

yes it does... One of my friends writes stories in this way. he cannot sleep. talk or do anything until it is finished.. while he is working and for a while afterwards he loses his focus on the story. are you active with other things like a camp, school, or a job.

I think being able to do that in your mind is pretty normal i watch videos in my mind ... during daydreams i can watch wideos hear the sounds.(for me if i hear somthing i can change the voice and hear whatever has been ssaid in that persons voice. During the night (i am not sure if this is 'normal') I can feel my dreams and sometimes i can taste and smell in them.... as long as i am fimiliar with the tastes and smells.


i misread your post so i edited it

Sounds cool. I've had dreams in cinema. It is a very nice experience, because the actual screen of the mind is like a low quality I-Max. It is very hard to follow, things are constantly rewinding and plot lines are switching consistantly. My suggestion is to relegate the whole thing to your subconscious, then act through your daily life in a trance while your true mind is constantly abuzz with the project. I've lived significant amounts of my life in this way, and it works well enough.

to raph522
no i'm not active at all i usually sit in front of my computer all day in the dark.
and this story never ends it's a constant ongoing story and has been for 7 years it just jumps in anytime and it is actually making me mentally exausted.
if i could just make little stories that would end i'd do that but this one has been the same story pretty much.

i'm not sure if it's normal cause the rest of my family can't do this i've asked them.
it demands all my time and i'm not daydreaming i am always completely aware of everything around me if it was daydreaming then i would be able to do other stuff but i can't.

when i think of the story i am pretty much forced to focus on it or i get this uneasy feeling, a nice little headache and my anzity goes up, it's like being a drug addict and if i start to lose it i panic.

my mom wants me to go back on the mean pill that took it away from me, i'm not going through that again last time i went to tears over the whole thing it was like something in me had died.

to subatai_baadur
it is cool and would be cooler if i had more control over.
this one is easy to follow since the whole story has been the same for 7 years the plot has stayed the same and there is no rewinding.

i can't put anything in subconscious. and most movement or activity intrupts the story and read over for what happens when it gets intrupted. in fact just typing this here interupts it and when i keep myself from thinking about it's like withdraw, maybe a little less intense as withdraw but i still go through like a panic which starts small and builds up slowly the longer i go without it.

i tell my parents this when they say i should take the pills but they don't know what it's like to go through a panic like that they think they understand but they don't. and right now like i said earlier i can't think of it right now and i'm getting a stomach ache and my heart is pounding so hard that it actually hurts.

i'm sorry if it sounds like i'm not taking advice it's just that i can't control it or stop it.
and i figiure i've got 2 options

1. think about it and eventually i won't be able to do much of anything, at this rate that's what it feels like.

or

2. try and force it away and go through panic attacks.

at least option 1 puts my mind at ease but it also might mean i wind up in a mental hospital.

When I was making songs I would tend to obsess over it. Nothing to the level that you are describing, but it would pretty much consume all my non-working hours. And it ate into my sleep time, I would stay up till 4,5,6 in the morning, and have to wake up and get to work at 9. I couldn't stop it though, I had to find the right notes and the right parts to the song.

I haven't made a song in a while, so I haven't done this with music in a while. I was kind of like this with a Math idea I had in my head, I would work on it compulsively every hour that I could. I even did work on it in classes, when I should have been paying attention to the professor... but it was hard to change the focus of my brain.

It's probably better to be passionate about one thing though, then to not have passion about anything and just live a boring life.

If it comes down to making something creative and interesting to you, or going into panic attacks and not making anything interesting to you. I would choose the creative path. At least as long as its a viable option to take, sometimes life demands other things. I would love to sit and just think about everything that is on my mind, work on music, play an instrument, study math, play video games.... but I have to work and pay rent and buy food... so I can only focus a part of my life on the things I enjoy... if I didn't I would become a bum and then not be able to even live at all.... which means no other things I like at all... so I strike a ballance. Though I do get distracted with my own ideas at work all the time... hope I don't get fired.

well the only thing that i'm making creative and interesting is my story and that isn't good cause i'm an artist at heart and i love to draw even if my own drawing dissapoint me, but i'm not doing that at all. everyday i keep telling myself i need to get back to drawing but i keep puting my book back down because once again torch 3\my story starts demanding my time and to avoid a panic i give in, which makes me wonder why i haven't done so now i feel so sick and my heart is beating a mile a minute heck i can feel my heart beat without trying to.

i've given up so much for it. next i'll not what to have a friend because talking interupts it. i keep asking myself what will i give up next music video making, surfing the net, or even talking on here. unfortuntely my life is pretty much meaningless i don't do anything i don't go anywhere [not that i want to] i don't what a job that i'm at for several hours and in that time i can't think of torch 3\t3 at all and i feel miserable and anxious all day.

and right now i'm thinking that xemnas died for his obsession and i see myself as similar to him, i'm thinking that my story might eventually lead to my death once it takes over and it finally i give all i have left. maybe then my parents will understand what it was really about and how much i have dedicated to it.

i can't let mom see this post that's for sure because if i start talking sucidal i go back on the pills, the story goes away, and i go through a withdraw type thing.

and to think i started this thing because i was bored one day, i was lying on the back seat of the bus on a tuesday it was september i think, and all the sudden i started thinking ever since that day it's been demanding more and more.

Does drawing help your story at all? If somehow you can get the drawing and story working together as one cohesive creative whole... I don't know... it must be difficult to have your mind so consumed by this. Even though in a way its a good thing, but if you can't do anything else... that's no good either.

It seems like you get much inspiration from video games. If you stop playing video games... what will happen then...?

oooooooooh i think i get it now... i used to do that with one of my stories.(lasted 2or3 years)
do you find yourself thinking about the story less during school season???

I think this is related to activity. you do somthing else to take your mind off of it, like chores around your home... my story did not last as long as this one, though, so i am not sure if this would help.

to pugly

yes there was a time when the story didn't demand so much of my time and i was drawing every scene that i liked, different characters, and trying to figure out designs for new characters but now i can't anymore unless the story gives me a break.

video games and tv fuel the story sense it is kind built on the foundations of othe stories which is why i have at least 100 or more characters, some are mine but the magority comes from all sorts of stuff, same with alot of the plots.

i get more insperation to draw from reading fan fics, if something pops out like marluxia with orange hair, which i want to draw and i've been telling myself this for at least a week now.

to raph522

no the story is a constant thing i find it becomeing my main focus no matter what unless i'm in a very loud place because noise interupts it, which is why i hated church because i couldn't think about it and my anzity would go up and i'd get a stomach ache.

yeah kinda doesn't help unfortunatly because it being off my mind doesn't help to much and i'll just go through a panic sort of thing, where i get headaches, stomach aches, and my heart beats to fast causing pain. i compare it to a person on drugs cause it's about the same.

i have some good news, torch 3 has backed off today and i actually drew a picture.
it's just a little pic of sonic crouching but i don't care it's something i haven't done for a while.
i just hope i get more days like this.

*dances*
xemnas: D.C. quit it you dance horribly.
*stops dancing and glares at him* meanie.
xemnas: *grins*
*jumps on him*
*a huge fight breaks out on the floor energy and other missalanious weird attacks go flying everywhere. the battale soon ends with me inbeded into the hallway wall*
xemnas: that's what she gets for making characters stronger then her. *walks back to his room*
ouch *falls on floor*

Thats good... perhaps its just something that will go in fluctuations. Some days will be better than others I guess... just don't let your "bad" days keep you down too much. I know I have days where I don't feel like doing anything... except listen to music or concentrate on why I have so much trouble doing things.

Those days eventually pass for me.

yeah but i hope these days stick around cause i'm hoping to draw more tomarrow.

oh and here's the little pic i drew nothing much just sonic.



i'm amazed i did so well after months without drawing. heck i'm amazed i actually drew something.

Hey thats pretty neat. I am not used to seeing Sonic in those body proportions though. Its a cool interpretation of the character.

Reminds me I really need to pick up the sonic game on the Nintendo DS.

the style i drew him in is called anthro which is why he has slightly long arms and legs.

i don't have a ds i thought of getting one but not to many games apealed to me.