Wow...Just Wow.

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I was reading some old stuff that I've posted in The Haven as a punker and going into that phase in 2007, through to September 2009. It all started when I confessed that I have to wear special underpants and than I've lost a friend and than things really went downhill from there. I've entered that black period within a week. I was complaining about the lack of support from my mum, my body, nobody loved me anymore. This littlething made me angry and that thing made me angry, getting into it with the people in my building and flashing the backward peace-sign at a bunch of teenagers at the local park on Canada Day.

This is also an update to all of these things. I wear disposable underpants...so what? My favourite Kink wore them since the 60s. I should have kept a positive attitude and done my research. A friendship ended with another member. That was no reason to turn evil and spike my hair. I don't do that anymore and I have a working class hero who grew up in a poor family as a role model now. The chosen one is the farthest from being evil that a person can be followed by myself these days. (I was complaining about being poor at one point in 2007).

I was on the verge of turnung anorexic. Nowadays, I strive to accept my body and my sweet Mickish face.

Mummy didn't love me. Of course mummy didn't love me. I wasn't being myself...Duh!

I got into a conflict with a man in my building who wasn't supposed to be living there and swore at him for treating me like I was ret*d. That will happen with a punkish attitude like that.

Last but not least....drum roll....I flashed F-Off in the British form to a bunch of typical teenagers in the park on Canada Day and Teresa - my ex friend walked off on me. It was 4 in the afternoon, my whole schedual for the day was distrupted and I didn't have my Afternoon Tea at 2:30. Time to go back to The 60s.

Now that I'm back to reality and being myself, I don't have these issues anymore. I have a role model that I'm like in body, mind and spirit. I haven't starved myself since the October of 2009 due to the fact that I now have a healthy body image. Everybody loves me now, even my family. I don't get into any fights with anybody anymore. I'm also listening to The Kinks and wearing my Mod clothes again, but in a slightly larger size than I did in 2006 before things went bad. I've done a lot of work on myself and this is all the changing that I will be done with for the next 25 years.

I was very depressed in 2007 and 2008. I went to get help in 2007 but I was turned away from my local Mental Health system. I was left to work it out on my own. I eventually did. It would have been nice to get the help. I could feel myself getting pulled back down reading those old topics. It was very strange. I had a lot of problems back than. They say that an abrupt personality change is one of the red flags of depression. I've managed to get out of it on my own and without the needed help in late 2009.

The Mod thing really does work better for CockneyRebel.