Things you hated about your childhood.

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I thought it would be good to make a topic like this for people like me who had a pretty bad childhood and were never able to truely resolve their problems.


I think the thing I hated most about my childhood was how I was always getting dragged into other people's drama without a clue as to what was going on. Like when my Mom and step-dad got divourced (twice I might add) and were always screaming at each other around their kids. Then there was the "who do you love more?" crap they pulled on my sibilings, and I remember how my Mom would try to get me to say hateful things to my step-dad and brainwash me into thinking he was a horrible person, and I remember how when I used to visit my step-dad he would make us kids do things our Mom told us not to just so she would get angry at us. And of course my step-Dad never paid child support and we ended up loosing our house, then my step-dad came and took my half-sibilings (who were his real children) away and left me and my Mom without a house for a couple of years, and we ended up staying at other people's houses until my Mom got a job and we finally got our own.

I think it wasn't long after that, that I stopped believing in "family bonds", and vowed that I would never get married and have kids. Heh in fact I remember one time as part of the "Who do you love more?" crap, my Mom was yelling and was asking me "Do you want to live with me, your step-Dad, or be put in foster care?" I chose foster-care, and didn't get my wish.

My childhood was not a bed of roses either. Mainly though the physical abuse from my father and a few kinds of emotional abuse at fitst being treated lke I got AIDS or cancer for 7 to 8 years and then it was my sadistic father beating me for not having the interests that neurotypicals have among other stupid things and the last was being beaten with an encyclopaedia and my mum shouting do not look for sympathy, the next time you lie about your work then you can go and find somewhere else to live. the year that was 1979. She refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing to this day. I was also bullied at school till I would not meet new people. So. that was sheer hell at school,even most of the teachers were a bunch of w*kers. Yet I did not bunk off school. My siblings were not all that nice either after 1974. Living with my family it was like living with people who were not even related to me. There is a word for this prejudice I experienced even if they did not know, It is called Aspiphobia. That was the reason of my father being violent towards me. My mum used to call me a lazy bastard for having no skills and she always said that I did not try or anything. My family still insists being treated like this is quite good. They must be certifyable lunatics. My mum still used to go around moaning to people that I carried on like she was the wicked witch of the west (out of the Wizard of Oz). I think that things would never been any better if my mum never seen that doctor who proposed that ludicrous vaccine stuff (now proven wrong by a lot of credible scientists). I was born far to early even my mum instisted I was not autistic let alone Asperger syndrome. I only found out about Asperger syndrome in 1988. When I left school I only had six qualifications that were not worth the paper they were written on. The effects of this lowered my self esteem to zero. I even went to college to study science mainly chemistry to do something about this as I wanted to be a research chemis. I even taught myself chemistry specialising in organic chemistry soon after.

You know what the funny thing is? I've always found complete strangers to be nicer then my own family. The thing is as much as I hate my Mom for all the crazy drama she's put me through, the one thing I can say is at least she does understand I have Aspergers. Everyone else in my family and school always gave me the same treatment you'd give a serial murderer or child rapists, which I never understood why. It's like I was always either severely hated or completely ignored. The only people that were ever nice to me (and I mean genuily nice, not butt-kissers) were some of my teachers.

I've also had people who seem to think there's nothing mentally wrong with me other then I'm just some horrible evil person who acts weird as part of my evil plot to upset "normal" people, and seem to think the best way to fix me as a child was to degrade me and beat me into being "normal".

The worst thing about my childhood was trying my hardest to work with others, such as marching and symphonic band, just to be ignored for my honest contribution. I really loved being in the band too.

Most of the issues I had in childhood revolved around my parents divorce. Shuttling back and forth between the two parents homes, constantly moving, going to a different school every year and being the new kid, dealing with assh*le step-father, additional remarriages, etc, etc. Not really intentionally abusive, just having to have everything revolve around my parents needs and drama. It was not a child-friendly household and it was always all about THEM and their needs. I spent a lot of time alone due to lack of friends and suffered a lot of very serious/borderline suicidal depression, but it pretty much went unnoticed due to their own issues. I am totally astonished that I managed to get through it somehow (drugs and alcohol really helped for a while there when I hit my mid-teens).

The worst thing about my childhood was, and still is, not being understood and having no-one to talk to about my interests.

just not being like any kids in general and being stupider than most kids

I hated being at the bottom of the family hierarchy. Everyone in my family was held a higher "rank" than me. My parents were very authoritarian, and my sister is way older than me, so she ended up being more like another authority figure than a sibling to talk to as an equal. I tried to talk to my grandparents, aunts/uncles, and other relatives, but they pretty much brushed me off, saying it's supposed to be that way. So, authority of all the adults in my life was bearing down on me, and there was nothing I could do about it. I kept asking for a dog or cat, so I could move up at least one step in the hierarchy, but my parents said: "we will never have a dog or cat in our home". (Didn't they want me to move out of the lowest rank?) Needless to say, I kept wishing for a medical device of some sort, that could accelerate my growth/aging by twenty years in a few seconds; basically, I wanted to fast-forward myself straight to adulthood.

What did I hate about childhood? Let's see:

Ages 0 - 9:
- Anger management issues
- Being physically assaulted by my dad, and then told horror stories about kids who had it worse
- Feeling like I was just a bad kid, or that no one loved me
- Fighting with pretty much everyone else
- Extreme boredom at times
- Having to remain in school until 6:00 PM before I got picked up
- Not getting along with teachers

Ages 10 - 13:
- OCD
- Seizures
- Being harassed by other kids in school
- Constant fear of dying in my sleep
- Depression
- The nagging feeling that I wasn't suffering enough

Ages 14 - 17:
- More seizures
- Being sexually harassed by this one girl
- Depression
- Suicidal thoughts
- Not having any friends
- Being hungry and dehydrated when I ran out of food (This was self inflicted, mostly. It's a long story.)

Actually, I can't say I'm glad I'm not a kid anymore, because my life got dramatically worse at about the time I entered adulthood, and many of the problems I have now began then.

I hated being called a child. I hated that word. In fact, I hated children because I didn't see myself as one of them, even though I looked like one.

I hated my grandfathers drunken rages where he would grab the shotgun and we would all have to leave. But I did enjoy going to the hotel or Mama Nells house for the night. I really liked the summer we spent in Florida with my Aunt Willie. I was very dissapointed when I couldnt go to the school there my mother had made me go to an interview for, took me to this place in Tampa to buy uniforms and a BATHING SUIT because the school had swimming class. On a side note, once when I was 16 my grandfather who we lived with shot at me because I told him that despite all his ideas about Rock N Roll, Robert Plant is indeed white. Yes, but he missed. I went to my friend Cindys house on the next block, called my mother and she TOLD ME TO GO BACK HOME. No no, I called her therapist and got her on the phone for an emergency. Anyway...

I hated going to school back in the other place yet again because we had to move back, because it was a small "Christian" school (I'm not even Christian now yet I recognize that they were not)and they TORMENTED me. Over and over. Everybody made fun of me. I had no friends at all until I got in with a group in the 6th grade. Other outcasts like me. I don't think they were Aspies, looking back, cause there was no recognition then, but we just all fit in. We were each strange in our own way. There were no official Aspies then because it didn't "exist". Sort of like midwifery in the state It's there. Midwives come and help you, but they aren't licensed or recognized at all by the state. It's not recognized so it doesn't exist. I had my last three babies at home with midwives. And I'm an Aspie. If we were sucked into some time warp, I do believe this state would explode along with all psychotherapy.

I hated when in 5th grade I had confided on the phone to Tonya Smith who I was so thrilled that she called me, that I liked Truman who was in the 7th grade and that morning before school when I was at my locker they all jumped on me and dragged me up the stairs, two flights, chanting TRUE MAN TRUE MAN TRUE MAN and dragging me by the arms. He came out of the boys bathroom and they said "She's in loooooove with you Truman" and he laughed and walked away. Then he turned around as they had let me go and I was crying and trying to get up and said "Hey, wanna go out Saturday night?'" I froze because I DIDNT KNOW. At that time I couldn't recognize real or not real. I looked up at him and said "Really?" He said "Yeah, there's a 4H fair and I need an entry!"

God it sucked to be me.

BTW, Truman owns a body shop now in the city I used to live in. I took my car there for an insurace estimate once about 10 years or so ago. He looked horrible. I did not. He was very defferential. I needed an insurance estimate and did NOT plan on using his services. He didn't know me from Eve. I was dressed very nicely in a taupe linen button up dress, choclate flats and a chocolate bag. Hair up, makeup on. I didn't do this for him. I did this for ME.

I looked decent then because I was taking care of myself and going to the tanning bed and all that. I looked actually hot. At my age. Go figure. Anyway, Ole Truman was just acting all nice and Maam ing me left and right and I told him call me <my first name> He did and I was slightly flirtatious, but not overt. (It took me FOREVER to learn the difference) and then when I got my estimate he said is there anything else I can do for you? I said well actually yes there is. He said Yes Maan? I said What are you doing Friday night? He said well nothing! I said Good, theres a 4h fair and I need an entry. And I walked out and didn't even turn back to look at his face. I'm sure he didn't remember, but I bet you one day he will.

PaganMom

(such a b*tch but it takes hard work and practice)

Pagan mom... WTF, Robert Plant is white; LOL.

My childhood had its good and bad elements. Because this is a thread that emphasizes the bad, I'll disclose mine since I've been thinking about my childhood lately, as I'm having trouble interacting with people as a result of my history of being alienated and mocked.

0-6 years
-Hearing my mom scream at my dad; my dad not coming home at night and me crying because I wanted to play board games with him before going to bed. Coming to hate my dad because all of the mean things my mom said about him, and maybe because he was seldom home.

-My mom raging at me when she got angry; doing things like grabbing my face and pulling my hair, digging her nails into my wrists while yelling at me. One time I was hyper and got syrup in my cousin's hair, and she stripped me naked and locked me in my grandpa's room, and yelled that I had to stay there forever because she couldn't trust me to behave the right way around other people. I cried and cried, and my grandma came and let me put my clothes back on, and called me "poor thing."

-Not getting along with the kids in kindergarten or first grade; hitting and pinching other kids because I was overstimulated and hated being at school. Being sent to the principal repeatedly for being disruptive and doing things like cutting holes in the glue bottles. Because of my customary bad behavior, my first grade teacher was very terse and impatient with me.

-Falling in love with my next door neighbor Shannon, who was 4 years older than me and very pretty. I was obsessed with her, so much so that my parents were concerned by how much I talked about her. She spent every day with me for a while, but then got sick of me and wouldn't let me play with her anymore. I was heartbroken. She was my first crush, but she and the boys who lived across the street would play pranks on me and do stuff like spin me on the merry-go-round and not let me off... douche-nozzles.

6-11 years

-Getting teased at school for being hyperactive and inappropriate. Oh, also getting teased for picking my nose. Being ostracized by nearly everyone, and becoming the kid whose name was used as an insult. Kids would actually call each other MY name when they were trying to insult each other.

-Having a massive crush on a popular guy who treated me like s**t. He would frequently make fun of me for picking my nose, and apparently for not having a brain. (Although it is incredibly unlikely that I don't have a brain). He also called me ugly a lot, although I don't think I was really ugly. I was just clueless and wore a lot of leggings with garish neon shirts, and had about five scrunchies in my hair every day.

-My parents finally getting divorced and me having to go to an after-school program because my mom had to go back to work. My dad staying with me some nights at the house when my mom was at evening school. I was incredibly anxious about her being gone, and I would sit in the window and cry until she came back. Every night, I was afraid that she would end up dying and not come home. I would cry and say "where's my mom?" over and over again until she came back, and when she did come back I would run to her and squeeze her.

11-14 years

-Starting middle school and being at the bottom of the social hierarchy. The teasing got worse as I had not yet learned how to behave in a socially appropriate manner. I would say random stuff and become hyperactive and have laughing fits. I would fart in class (gross, I know) and not care that everyone knew it was me. I would wear clothes that I thought were cool, but really weren't. I also had a lot of pets that were rodents and I let them chew holes in my clothes, so I got teased for that. In addition, I had white scars all over my arms and legs from scratching mosquito bites off, as well as split ends and greasy hair because I never washed it. Even though I was pretty, I didn't appear pretty because I had no idea how to take care of my appearance and hygiene yet. I was a total f*****g mess, looking back.

-Getting suspended from school for physically retaliating against kids who made fun of me.

-In the 6th grade, being beat up on the bus by Monique, a 16-year-old 8th grader. She tended to give me hell anyway, but then some kids made her think I had called her the n-word, when I had never even heard the n-word before. She sat next to me on the bus and punched me all the way to my house, and broke my plastic skater ring that had glitter and dice inside it... I STILL miss that thing damn it.

-Moving to a small town and a different school district when my mom remarried. Being teased even worse in the new school, after being hyperactive in one of my classes. This girl made fun of me because I was acting like a dumbass, and I threw some scissors at her arm and got into HUGE trouble. I told everyone that I had "only been trying to hit her with the handle," which sadly enough was true. I really did not think about what I was doing at all. Her arm ended up having a one-inch gash in it, and I almost had to go to a school for "problem kids." I also almost got put on antipsychotic drugs, and sent to the state hospital. Luckily, my dad prevented these things from happening to me.

-Fighting horribly with my mom over the things teenage girls fight with their moms about, and her involving my stepdad in it. He actually accused me of "trying to hurt my mom on purpose," and would do things like come into my room when I was half naked and slam me against walls. He, like my mom, would grab my face and pull my hair. (What is it with these people?) I had to escape down the street and hang out with these middle-aged hippies who lived in a renovated schoolhouse from like, 1920 or something. They had 6 dogs and 6 cats, and pigeons and hamsters and horses and ferrets. They were pretty awesome, but my mom and stepdad tried to stop me from going down there. My stepdad actually threated to drag me up the driveway by my hair if I tried to go see them. One time, the hippies actually lied to my mom for me and told her I wasn't there when I was. Eventually, my mom kicked me out of the house and told me I had to live with my dad, vindictively telling my dad it was "his turn to deal with me." Then she got mad when my grades went up and I stopped getting into fights, and wanted me to live with her again. I never moved back with her, and she says to this day that me not moving back with her was the worst thing that's ever happened to her.

14-18 years
-By this time everything was better. I was living with my dad and had wayward companions and boyfriends to rely on... not much bad happened. There were only isolated incidents. When I was a senior in high school, this one guy nicknamed me "ugly" for some reason, which brought back hostile feelings considering this is a name people called me in elementary and middle school. I also got suspended once in high school, for telling these ladies off because they wouldn't let me buy some cheeze-its while class was in session. All I was going to do was eat some cheeze-its and go right back to class, and I was starving and I saw no problem with what I was doing. So I called them "f*****g b*****s" or something like that, lol. I was really stressed at the time and only got suspended for one day, and I felt a lot better after I had a day to just hang out at home and paint.

I hated being bullied, 6th grade was the worst year of my life. Sweet 16 was also hard for me too. My anxiety got worse and my family started getting mad at me about it. They quit caring about it and punish me for it.

I hated being treated different, I hated how I lost two years of my life in special ed and I never got normal kindergarten or 1st grade. I hated being one of the oldests in the grade because of my summer birthday and I hated having a summer birthday. Kids got to do cupcakes in school for their birthday and I never did.

I also hated puberty and the fact I was ahead of the kids in it and I hated being tall.

I hated how I had to wear Junior clothes and couldn't wear girl clothes anymore by age ten because of my height. Very few still fit me. The rest be too short.

I also hated how I couldn't go on some toy equipment or rides because of my height. I was happy when McDonalds changed their playland policies. Now it was kids up to 12 years who can play on it instead of height restriction. But I couldn't go in the ball pit because they still had the height restriction.

Being sent to my room for crying, having medicine balls thrown at me, by my dad, being in Special ED, my stupid teacher's aid that I had from grades 1 - 3, school in general and the fact that the boys next door hated me, because in thier words, I was slow and I spoke with an accent.

You know, maybe it's just me, but I don't get all the hatred for Special Ed. I mean to me the years I spent in a Special Ed school were the best of my life. Before going I was very depressed and even a little suicidal, but in the Special Ed School I met teachers who really cared about me and tried to help me build my self-esteem, students who actually understood what I was going through and weren't all trying to gang up on me and hurt me to climb up the Social Ladder, and I actually had fun in the Special Ed School. We got to go on trips to go bowling and swimming and eat lunch at a park, we had fun projects to do like Fall Festivals (which I was too old to perticipate in, but the owner kids got to help set it up and run the booths which was fun), and you got to buy candy from the School Store using points instead of money! I mean as long you you got through the day without misbehaving you got points to buy something from the store at the end of the day.

Special Ed School was pratically my salvation and kept me from turning into a psycho that would kill myself or kill somebody else. Yeah I've had "normal" people try to tell me the school was for ret*ds and criminals, but I was like "screw them", because I got more out of that school then I EVER got out of mainstream school. Special Ed can really help you if you look at it as a positive thing instead of a negative thing.

Being bullied by the teachers and kids at school. I only had two friends back then who would bully me around other people..

I one had a person I thought was my friend in Middle School, but was very two-faced to me. Like one day he would be laughing and cutting up with me, and the next he would be harrassing me and joining in with the other kids in hitting me and cussing me. The thing that really stuck in my head was how one day I thought he was being nice to me when he gave me a book called Tales to Tell in the Dark, then when we got to Science Class he was yelling at me and demanding that I give him the book back, and I could never understand why.

I think after that I decided that I didn't need friends from school, because everyone has the potential to be a two-faced back stabber and nobody in school even knows what friendships and relationships are really about. So my attitude after that was if somebody wanted to talk to me and they were interesting enough, I'd hang out with them at lunch until I got bored with them and ignored them. I never allowed myself to call anyone from school my "friends", and if someone made any attempt to hurt me then I completely dropped them from my list of people to show concern over, and sometimes when they REALLY ticked me off I would find sneaky ways to get back at them.