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luvsterriers
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22 Feb 2011, 8:42 am

I know I probably shouldn't feel sad or be in tears over someone else's parent who is really sick, but this is different. One of my co workers (He is an actual Dept of Justice employee) well his dad is 90 and is in the hospital. He had to drive 4 hours to Roanoke Virginia. His dad's condition isn't good. His dad has pneumonia and heart issues. Exactly what my grandpa had. I don't know if his dad is responsive or has tubes everywhere. Jonathan is my co worker. His dad has same name as him. His dad is exactly one year older than grandpa. Jonathan left to go to Roanoke Fri night.

Mom dad, Timmy (our West Highland Terrier) and I are coming up to see my 91 year old grandma this weekend. She has lived alone since my grandpa's death almost 3 years ago. My other grandma died nearly 2 years ago at the age of 94. We are leaving here Sat morning and coming back home Mon morning, so I'm taking Mon off. I sent my leave request to Jonathan and got his out of office reply. I thought at first it was strange since Jonathan was on a cruise from Feb 4-14. I thought maybe this is the Fed Gov saying to take Leave without pay for their employees. No Fed Govt employee has to do that for now, but they may have to do it in the future. Then Jonathan left me a message saying about his dad's health. Is it normal to feel sadness over someone else's sick and elderly loved one?

From what I also understand about aspergers people is that they don't feel anything. Often at funerals aspergers people don't show any tears or sadness. To me seeing someone in a casket no matter how old they are is so sad. When I saw my grandpa in the casket I was bawling like a baby. WHY is it so hard for people with aspergers to be sad? It's simple really, right? Dead loved one in casket, it's sad! They aren't around to hug you or kiss you or talk to you.


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Mindslave
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22 Feb 2011, 9:55 am

I used to cry all the time, but after a while, having a mother with black moods and cold indifference takes its toll



jackbus01
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22 Feb 2011, 10:10 am

luvsterriers wrote:
...
From what I also understand about aspergers people is that they don't feel anything. Often at funerals aspergers people don't show any tears or sadness. To me seeing someone in a casket no matter how old they are is so sad. When I saw my grandpa in the casket I was bawling like a baby. WHY is it so hard for people with aspergers to be sad? It's simple really, right? Dead loved one in casket, it's sad! They aren't around to hug you or kiss you or talk to you.


Are you saying that you know some asperger people that were not crying at a funeral? is there an anecdote here?
If think asperger people don't feel anything then you really understand very little.

It sounds like you are understandably very sad because this person reminds you of your grandpa. It is normal because although you didn't know this person, it brings back memories.

Your sadness is normal. You will be fine.



luvsterriers
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22 Feb 2011, 10:19 am

I just read somewhere that its hard for aspergers people to show emotions. Or perhaps people don't like to show sadness at funerals because they want to cry in private.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt131397.html


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emlion
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22 Feb 2011, 10:20 am

not showing emotion =/= not having emotions.



jackbus01
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22 Feb 2011, 10:36 am

emlion wrote:
not showing emotion =/= not having emotions.


Exactly, the two should not be confused.



MXH
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22 Feb 2011, 11:04 am

I'll be honest here, your friends dad is probably going to die from this. Pneumonia and elderly people dont mix at all. Try to conform your friend to this thought smoothly and be there for him when it falls through. I wish both of you the best.


That out of the way and back on topic of all my relatives that have died when I was old enough to understand the concept of death ironically the only one to really affect me was my firstt brother who only lived for 3 days. Neither my real grandfather, stepgrandfather, moms aunt, dads uncle, 3 close friends over this summer have I had more than something as simple as "well that sucks". And of the funerals I attended and cremtaions while I did feel sad I didnt show it much at all.



luvsterriers
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09 Mar 2011, 9:26 am

My co worker's dad is doing ok. He will be moved to a physical therapy place where he can gain his strength. He's very lucky.


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