Parent understanding problem

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Hello everybody,

This is a pretty good forum that you can talk your troubles away.

Anyway, you know how your a sensitive person and always checking to see if your parents are happy and not angry at you. Well, I guess that I've ticked my parents by doing that. I don't like to make them angry, and when they're angry, It kind of shocks me and frightens me. Even if they are just raising they're voice in order to prove a point. I guess I should start to consintrate on why they are fustrated insteed of getting upset at the fact that they're fusterated in the first place.
This article that I've found on Wikipedia.org (one of my new favorite sites) should explain it more.


Emotional peculiarities
A person with AS may have trouble understanding the emotions of other people: the messages that are conveyed by facial expression, eye contact and body language are often missed. They also might have trouble showing empathy with other people. Thus, people with AS might be seen as egotistical, selfish or uncaring. In most cases, these are unfair labels, because affected people are neurologically unable to understand other people's emotional states. They are usually shocked, upset and remorseful when told that their actions are hurtful or inappropriate. It is clear that people with AS do not lack emotions. However, the concrete nature of attachments they might have (i.e., to objects rather than to people) often seems curious, or even can be cause of concern, to people who do not share their perspective.[26]

Failing to show affection—or not doing so in conventional ways—does not necessarily mean that people with AS do not feel it. Understanding this can lead partners or carers to feel less rejected and to be more understanding. There are usually ways to work around the problems, such as being more explicit about one's needs. For instance, when describing emotions, it can be helpful to be direct and to avoid vague terms such as "upset" when the emotion being described is anger (some individuals with AS would interpret "upset" as mere annoyance, or even nausea). It is often effective to present in clear language what the problem is and to ask the partner with AS to describe what emotions are being felt, or to ask why a certain emotion was being felt. It is helpful if the family member or significant other reads as much as he or she can about AS and any comorbid disorders.[27] Sometimes, the opposite problem occurs; the person with AS is unusually affectionate to significant others and misses or misinterprets signals from the other partner, causing the partner stress.[28]



They told me that they had to deal with this for 3 years (when I lived with my father),
and they can't stand this kind of fustration anymore and at the same time, they want to help me.
I told them that I'll work on it, but I guess they think that I not working on it or want to?

It's difficult. I've worked on some of the habits already, but I guess this one is permanit.

Should I show then that paticular article and tell them that I'll try but I can't promise anything?

What should I do?

_Eric

P.S. I apolizige for this post being a little too long, but I like to get somethings off my chest.

Thank You.

I think you should try to explain to them that you cannot always tell if someone is happy or sad but you do not want them to be angry.

also, if possible don't worry about asking their moods unless you think you caused it..."i'm sorry..... did i upset you". If you keep asking them when they are angry, they may get more upset... (maybe, i don't know your parents so i am not certain)

Oh, thank you.

Sometime's I don't know when do be sorry. I guess when someone tells me that I've upset them.

_Eric

Eric.....I think it would be very good for your parents to read the artical and if they really want to help you, to come here to learn more about others with AS at a more emotional level then a text book diagnoses can give.

The very wording that they have had to "deal" with your behavior upsets me and brings me back to my own childhood(not a pretty picture)You are not a deck of cards....you are an individual who experiences the world "differently" then they do....You are the one who has to "deal" with their inability to understand your perspective....as parents, that is their resposibility....The only way that they can help you is from a point of empathy not condimnation, they are responsible for educating them selves about your "perception or reality,emotions,cognitive differences", just as they would if you were a diabetic person who needed to have Blood glucose monitores and meals altered based on its level....AS is not a disease nor a psychological problem(though it can creat on if not adressed)but it is a physiological anomily that can be lived with more successfully if understood and excepted as that individuals "reality"....Only then...as a "team" with your parents...can you work on improving
the things about yourself that you WISH to work on (self-emprovement should be everyones goal AS or NT and not all onesided)

If you want you can have your parents read this....Coming from a 42 year old aspie(IMO)....
I did everything I could to try and win my parents love and exceptence(somethings I could not change no matter how hard I tried or wanted to....not all people can stand up from a wheelchair)
But my parents always seemed to find fault...it or I was never good enough or trying hard enough...when I turned 16 they kicked me out because they were tired of "dealing"and I began cutting,drinking,sleeping around,suicide attempts,etc...Dont let them repeat my parents mistakes