How do other aspies manage to take care of people?

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I feel so weighed down by responsibilities lately. Which is actually amazing considering that I find everyday living quite hard enough already.

Where to start? Well my family's full of old, crazy or infirm people who need care. My dad's got cancer, mom's physically healthy but wouldn't use her brain (like I edit her performance review for her work), grandma is 92 and very feeble, my brother has schizophrenia and seems to be worse lately, my first son is on the spectrum, my second son is probably on it too, and I myself have poor health and very little energy to take care of people (let's not talk about my anxiety or autistic problems). And other than my kids, I don't really get along with any of them. The thought of taking care of various sick or old people who I really don't even want to talk to is daunting. I almost wish I'm crazier, then I can check into a hospital, get disability checks and ignore them.

I know people toughen up when they have to take care of others. I don't fancy being the power of attorney of 4 or 5 people someday and making important decisions for all of them and paying their bills. I don't know how I'm gonna do it. I totally suck at taking care of anything. My plants all died, my pets all died. My house is a big junk pile and there's dust bunnies everywhere. I never pay any bills or do tax or file anything important, DH does all that. I can't drive, I don't work, I have 0 friends in real life. How am I gonna do this? Especially with my brother, I don't even know if I can outlive him, given my various problems.

1. Kids first.
2. Husband second.
3. You third...the idea is you are your husband's second so it balances out.

You are not the primary care giver of your parents, brother, or grandparents. You can certainly help them, and should help them on some occasions, but your brother and grandmother are your parents fist responsibility, your father is your mother's second responsibility.

You can't do it all. You have kids, and they have to come first. In order to be a proper caregiver for them, you have to take care of yourself. I have a pretty messed-up family, and I have just had to let most of them fend for themselves because I can't do it for them. I have enough on my plate with working full-time and taking care of a family (husband, 3 kids, all have ADHD and one also with AS, 3 cats and a dog, 3 gerbils). If you don't have a full-time job you MIGHT be able to deal with SOME other responsibilities but I'd be careful. Put those kids priority one, and then your husband and yourself so that you can be the parents you need to be I know that from experience.

Katherine

Well things just got worse. Apparently my brother is having a relapse, and I'm his only family here. We've been visiting him everyday (He live alone in an apartment.) I don't think he ate any food for a couple days. Today I made him eat something in front of me. I think we'll figure out how to send him to hospital tomorrow (he's a pretty big guy). He's 42 and not exactly my parents' responsibility either, plus my parents live out of the country. I'm very stressed, but you gotta do these things because nobody else will. I'm afraid this is not looking good. Third relapse of schizophrenia, is that bad?