I really, REALLY hate myself...

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…for being such an insanely thoughtless, careless, hopeless, disorganised dimwit.

I have chucked £300 down the drain recently. Just like that. For someone on benefits that's a big sum.

I could f*****g weep, to be honest.

I can't look after myself and I don't actually want to carry on living. I am a deranged individual (even my parents say this) and I am behaving erratically and like a nutcase when I am out. People think I'm either nuts or a pervert, I can't tell which. I think people are out to get me.

What a f*****g twat I am.

So you had a rough stretch, acted out a little bit and now you recognize it.... maybe change your behavior a little bit. Clearly you know right from wrong, so just be a little more vigilant.

I think everyone acts out a little from time to time. Don't be so hard on yourself. Sorry you're feeling down.

No, it's that I'm constantly being told that I am thoughtless and careless by my mum. She has told me that I should just go and kill myself and have done with it, as it would be easier.

I sent a camera back by special delivery. I then lost the slip, which has just cost me £300.

Your mum is horrible!!


Plus, it's just money. It doesn't matter. Rise above it.

First off - I DO NOT like you mom! What a heartless, evil thing to say to your own child. Don't you dare listen to that woman. She may have given birth to you but that alone does not make one a mom. You deserve better.

It sounds like you are a bit freaked over the lost slip. Give yourself tonight to shake it off and try looking for it again tomorrow - hopefully, it just fell behind a bookshelf, under the fridge, between other papers... I've found missing bits in all KINDS of places. If worst comes to worse - it is only money. It'll pinch this month and it will be a lesson learned. Maybe a call to invest in some organizational tools - simple things like a magnetic clip for the fridge for things that must be dealt with NOW.

Be kind to yourself! It's just a bump in the road - and none of us can avoid those.

It sounds like your mother isn't helping the situation.

Have you considered moving to your own place? I'm not sure how easy that is over there or what you need though.

Toxic parents suck! Honestly, Tequila, I have been reading your posts on here for awhile. You have always struck me as a mellow, easy going kind of guy with a brand of humor all your own. Your mother sounds toxic. Period. I suppose she can't remember making mistakes or misplacing things, h'm? We can be awfully hard on ourselves. We don't need any help. Allow yourself to forget about the money. Like draelynn says, you will be broke for this month, that's all. Your mother has given you negative affirmations for a long time. It will be difficult, but not impossible to reprogram your thoughts. You deserve to live just as much as she does, too.
PM me if you need to talk, OK?

hartzofspace

Full story goes something like this.

I had a lens error on my six-month-old camera. It needed fixing.

The retailer told me to send it to an address in London. A Nigerian, to be exact.

This was two weeks ago. I sent it Special Delivery and have heard nothing since.

If I had kept my receipt like I was supposed to have done I could have been refunded the cost of the camera (£300).

Because I lost it, I can't do that.

Plus I'm suffering from depression anyway, that, whilst not entirely debilitating is quite badly affecting my ability to function as normal. I am extremely disorganised at the best of times.

So I feel like such a moron.

It's Ok to feel like a moron. I do too, especially after I've done something stupid. While being depressed, I make some real errors. Like paying my utility bill twice,and then they wouldn't refund the money, saying they would apply it to my next bill. Stuff like that. What I am saying, that life is about living and learning. We can spend a lot of time beating ourselves over mistakes, but there are just as many opportunities to give ourselves a pat on the back for doing something correctly. Can you think of 5 things that you did right in the past month? List them here.

I've been in similar situations, and felt the same way. The only advice I can give is this: don't dwell on it. Think of how you can make the situation better instead (to the best of your ability). If you keep thinking of yourself as a screwup, you'll just create a self-fulfilling prophecy.