My Mother just made me snap, BIG TIME!!
Hello again, for the second time today. Just when I thought that rent check crisis was over, yet another incident today has pushed me to my limits....in fact, it brought me to the brink of psychotic!
You see, Mom was stopping over at the apartment to drop off some food she picked up for me at Wendy's, which was well and good. Then, she got compelled to help me clean up my kitchen area a little, which was also good...
But when she stays for over THIRTY MINUTES CLEANING MY WHOLE GODDAMN APARTMENT, that's just going TOO FAR! She clearly didn't say to me over the phone that she'd do that for me, so I clearly wasn't comfortable; I constantly kept thinking 'When is she ever going to leave?!' I mean, I'm grateful that she'd do this for me, but there is a limit that I can take. I value my privacy, and when she stays longer then necessary because of her f**king motherly urges, that just brings my blood to a boil!
I got so mad, that I had to erase a lv. 20 character that I worked so hard on in my World of Warcraft profile, just because I couldn't feel comfortable containing my cursing while she was present....
I really think I'm bats**t bonkers, freaking out over such a little thing like my mom staying longer then necessary. What do you guys think? Can you kinda relate to my situation?
Usagi1992
You see, Mom was stopping over at the apartment to drop off some food she picked up for me at Wendy's, which was well and good. Then, she got compelled to help me clean up my kitchen area a little, which was also good...
But when she stays for over THIRTY MINUTES CLEANING MY WHOLE GODDAMN APARTMENT, that's just going TOO FAR! She clearly didn't say to me over the phone that she'd do that for me, so I clearly wasn't comfortable; I constantly kept thinking 'When is she ever going to leave?!' I mean, I'm grateful that she'd do this for me, but there is a limit that I can take. I value my privacy, and when she stays longer then necessary because of her f**king motherly urges, that just brings my blood to a boil!
I got so mad, that I had to erase a lv. 20 character that I worked so hard on in my World of Warcraft profile, just because I couldn't feel comfortable containing my cursing while she was present....
I really think I'm bats**t bonkers, freaking out over such a little thing like my mom staying longer then necessary. What do you guys think? Can you kinda relate to my situation?
Usagi1992
i can relate, but you really should show some restraint.
i notice a lot of complaisantness among aspies here, "i cant do that, its uncomfortable cus im aspie" well, being aspie seems to mean -only doing whats comfortable. ever.- which isnt true. NT's live uncomfortable lives too, your mother would be one of them.
i know where you're coming from, but you really should have simply bit your lip, and actually thanked her for spending 30 minutes cleaning your flat, for you, when she doesnt have to.
maybe drop her a line. redeem yourself
and for next time, remember this, you may be aspie, things may be more uncomfortable to you than you others, but your also a man, and you can take some discomfort before you break down, if you really want to.
_________________
''In the world I see - you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center.''
Oh trust me, I've had my fair share of moments that I was super uncomfortable with, and some of them I actually managed to bitterly accept. But most of the time, yes, I prefer to keep as much unpleasantness from myself as possible.
And besides, I did say in my original post "I mean, I'm grateful and all...", so I do appreciate the fact that Mom did all that cleaning out of the goodness of her heart. It's just that, she could've made those intentions clearer, that's all.
And besides, I did say in my original post "I mean, I'm grateful and all...", so I do appreciate the fact that Mom did all that cleaning out of the goodness of her heart. It's just that, she could've made those intentions clearer, that's all.
but does she know? or did she get nothing but an impression of ungrateful grumpyness?
thats why i said drop her a line.
if you were all pissed off while she was there. "dont tell me, tell her!"
_________________
''In the world I see - you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center.''
I can relate to this situation. My husband and I value our privacy as much as platinum is valued on this planet. Or gold-pressed Latinum is for a Ferengi. We both hate it when my parents (my Dad and his wife, not my birth mother of course) show up at our place un-announced. It just bugs me, because they always wanna know how we're doing...etc... My world includes me and my husband, and a small circle of friends via our Doctor Who group online and offline.
I think you should communicate with your mother because she is not going to know she is upsetting you unless you tell her. Even none aspies don't always pick up on that stuff so they also need to be informed. I always tell my own mother if she wanted to move things around in my apartment. She actually asks me first before she does it.
And God is empty, just like me.
But yes, I have done some tidying up in the past, even removing some of the stains on the toilet...it's just that, Mom ALWAYS finds spots that I miss! You know, NOTHING I do, is GOOD ENOUGH for my mother's high standards!
but does she know? or did she get nothing but an impression of ungrateful grumpyness?
thats why i said drop her a line.
if you were all pissed off while she was there. "dont tell me, tell her!"
Well, there's another thing you need to know about my mom...she loves playing head games too, but to a milder degree then I. (I guess you could say I inherited it from her)
I feel that if I try to tell her that I really don't need that much help cleaning my apartment, she'll go all passive-aggressive and say 'oh...well I guess in future, I should only stay long enough to say hello, make menial banter, then say goodbye. I mean, it's none of MY damn business how you want your apartment to look!', and then I'll get the guilties...
So either way, I lose.
P.S. - when she finally DID leave, she had the absolute NERVE to say to me "Oh, one more thing, and *please don't get mad*...(um....TOO LATE!!)...but you need a haircut," and then made a date to pick me up tomorrow at noon, whether I like it or not, to get that said haircut. WTF is wrong with having long hair?! Does she really have to butt into every goddamn aspect of my life THAT MUCH??! !
*sighs*....I'll keep you folks informed.
Usagi1992
Well, it wasn't just that factor, it was that nothing was going right with me for that character that afternoon anyway. (stun effect after stun effect, etc.)
But at least I had the foresight to mail all my gold and stuff to an alternate character before deleting her. I mean, I hated having to do that, but I have rather strict guidelines for playing WoW toons. If I die a certain number of times before a certain level, deletion. If I get hit with repeated stun effects, deletion....you get the idea. The stupidest ever delete I did was with a level 18 hunter, and you know why?
...Because I had to wait 4 seconds to resurrect when I reached my corpse after 2 rapid deaths in a row.
It's a freaking miracle I still have my level 42 alive and well, with all my little rules.
Well, I didn't apologize, but I was able to talk to her about it calmly and rationally when we were in a supermarket 5 days ago. Biggest relief was when she didn't get upset or try to play head games with me, because I did state that I was grateful for her helping me out, albeit unannounced.
So we're cool, heh.
Well, I didn't apologize, but I was able to talk to her about it calmly and rationally when we were in a supermarket 5 days ago. Biggest relief was when she didn't get upset or try to play head games with me, because I did state that I was grateful for her helping me out, albeit unannounced.
So we're cool, heh.
If you can't say something nice...don't say anything at all...
And besides, I've deleted higher characters then that on a whim. Thank god for heirloom gear haha.
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