I feel like I'm on the highwire at the circus.

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There's so much happening---and I am nervous and full of anxiety.

Last week I was informed the program I work with at school was cut (Ohio budget cuts). I had a nearly stress-free job with minimum students. After years and years in the regular high school classroom I was given a job that fit me. Now it's gone beginning next school year. I must return to the regular classroom---this time in junior high. I am excited because the subject matter is highly interesting to me---but I am scared because of the change. I never thought I would have to return to the classroom. I spent over $6000 to get the job that was just cut---a job I only had for four years. I have never taught junior high age students before. I hope it works out alright.

I got an article I wrote accepted for publication in a book. That's good. I am happy about that. I was just informed last week from the publisher on this.

My youngest son (who like me has Asperger's) accidentally destroyed a major portion of the model roller coaster I was building out of balsa wood---all that work gone. But I didn't get mad at him. He didn't mean to do it. That happened last week.

My mother is having minor surgery this week. I am concerned because she is extremely nervous about the procedure.

At a local area church this weekend during a songfest, I performed three numbers on the organ. Everyone loved it. They loved the uptempo (theatre organ style of yesteryear) style I play. A person from another church wanted to hire me to become their church organist. This person offered me a salary. This seems good, but I am already attached to my home church where I am the church organist. I am happy there. But they do not pay me---and that kind of hurts my feelings. Other churches pay their musicians. Why not my church? But I don't want to leave my church. It's where I have attended since I was a child. And then a couple board members from yet another church said they were going to talk to their church about considering me to be their organist. This is all causing me anxiety. I am happy they all liked my playing, but the temptations they have offered me are causing me stress.

It's just been a different week. The biggest issue is my change of job next school year. As excited as I am about being able to teach a subject area I love, I cannot imagine this new teaching assignment. I hope I don't get overwhelmed with all of it. I failed to mention that also because of the budget cuts, another specialized area was cut, and I (along with the rest of the subject area staff) are supposed to teach that area in addition to our area. But, I am fortunate to have a job---I just hope I can do it well.

I feel like my life is on a highwire at the circus. One stumble and I may fall. I don't want to fall. I have been lucky in life so far. I am nervous that my luck may run out.

Hi Glider. I think it's very understandable that you're feeling nervous- you certainly have a LOT going on in your life at the moment.

Firstly, congratulations on getting your article published. That's an achievement to be proud of.

I'm sorry that you mother is having surgery, but I'm glad that it's minor. My own father suddenly required surgery a few weeks ago, so I know what an anxious time it can be for the whole family.

I'm also sorry about your roller coaster- I know that your roller coasters are very important to you. It's great that you didn't make your son feel guilty over the damage. Anyone with kids knows that sometimes things can just happen without anyone really being at fault.

It's a great compliment that other churches are seeking you out, but it's understandable that you feel a sense of loyalty to your own church. Perhaps you have attended your church for so long that the other members take you somewhat for granted. Still, I imagine that it's hard to disregard several decades of shared history, even if it does mean forgoing a salary that you could be earning elsewhere.

As for the teaching job, I'm sorry that you won't be teaching just your special gifted students next school year. Still, hopefully you'll be able to use your expertise to extend the more able students in your junior high classes and thereby enhance their learning experience. If things don't work out as you wish, perhaps you could consider applying for teaching positions at other schools with gifted programs- your skills and experience may well be in demand elsewhere.

Anyway, I hope that you can maintain your balance on that highwire until you feel less anxious and that you're able to enjoy your summer vacation- we teachers need our recreation time. Best wishes, Jenny

You certainly do seem to have a lot to deal with at the moment. Hang in there.

The program you presently work with at school has been cut for next year, but your students' needs will not have changed in the slightest way. So, take what you have learned for their sake along into your new assignment ... and you might just let your church know of the other offers and that an honorarium would be much appreciated.

Thank you Jennyishere and Leejosepho---I appreciate you helping me.

Your comments and suggestions are very valuable to me---hopefully I can get through all of these issues in my life. I get easily overwhelmed with things. Your understanding of these things means a lot to me. I can say I am looking forward to summer vacation here in Ohio when school will be out until August. Our school is in financial difficulty and some positions have been cut. I am lucky to have a job next year.

Thank you again for caring,
glider18