I feel so alone...

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Sometimes I feel so isolated like I go through everyday not really there. I find it hard to stay happy. I feel like I can't relate to anyone, I wonder what life is supposed to be like. I can't let anyone in because I'm afraid, so I just go on like everything is fine. It's not like anyone notices anyway. They're all too busy with their own lives. I've had a recent breakdown where I just cried, let out all the bottled up emotion. Sometimes I feel like a total screw up. My mind drives me crazy. Sometimes I wish I didn't think at all, or atleast didn't over-think things.

I understand how you feel. I often feel that way myself. It's difficult to get to know people and make connections, and even more so when you feel alone and isolated, because people almost seem scary when you're used to being alone. It's also hard not to over-think things when you are alone with your thoughts all the time. I don't really have any advice, except to perhaps find people you can talk to on the internet, right here on WP.

For me its a very difficult thing to cry. When it does happen tho I think you tend to feel a little bit better afterwards even if not during the actual crying. It is unfortunately very difficult for people to notice when someone is going through something. I don't know if you've seen that video they play where they show footage of people walking by a guy who looks very sick and lying on the ground outside with people passing him by and most not saying a word. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't seek help and that people don't care.

How come you feel you're a screw up?

I could have written this post myself about a year ago. So first and foremost, you have my utmost sympathy.

I can't tell you how many times I've felt this way. The hard truth is you have to make yourself relevant. Just try minimal interactions--baby steps. Say anything appropriate (you can draw from the context, maybe a comment about a class) to someone near you, and if you get lucky it might become a conversation. Maybe you'll find something you can relate to. I've gotten some acquaintances this way. If the interaction doesn't go well, you haven't really lost anything.
And if you do make some acquaintances, be proud: you've progressed. Heck, I'm personally proud every time I have a successful interaction.



A lot of people hide their sadness, and in its own way, it is a noble thing to do.

I'm struggling with the first two points myself, so I can only empathise there



I once had this to the point where I think it could have been called a disorder. How I overcame that was simply refusing to think about things I knew I shouldn't think about. Once you start doing that, the urge to obsess surfaces less and less. It's a matter of brute will power.


Good luck.

I go through pretty much the exact same thing...so don't give up just yet. I know its hard I have already attempted suicide and have thought about it many times since. I mean honestly I prefer to have my breakdowns alone because i do not need to deal with what people would think of it. I mean really you just have to accept who you are and manage with that...a lot of my anxiety comes from worrying about what people close to me would think....but sometimes you just have to do what feels right in the face of criticism. this is what I believe and am trying to condtion myself to take in and actually act on.

Thanks you guys. :') It's nice to know your not alone even if you feel like you are. I appreciate the sympathy,
I guess I feel like a screw up because I keep making the same mistakes. I only realize how I've messed up after and then I try to make it better and it just gets worse. I worry so much, especially on things I have little control of.
I kind of feel like I'm on the outside looking in. It's hard for me to let people in for fear they will just leave. They will see this mess of a person and feel it's not worth all the work. I find I go through periods of depression.

Yeah, it can be frustrating. People give others too much flack for things that are usually inconsequential. Its not like your a drug dealer, or rapist or abusive to your spouse (I know you're 17) you seem appreciative and respectful even tho people care and would have replied if you were just in need and without those traits.

Life in general can be frightening, there isn't a decisive path just a way of being that you can usually put up with to make you happy (not as bad as it sounds). There isn't a specific way for it to be, people usually wing it the best they can but people around you who care (even if they don't show it the way they should) try to put paths in front of you to make you happy and you must take what you want out of them.

Forever Lost?

The sun sets in the gaping dark eternity.
Where the simplest of pleasures are lost in an endless sea of misery.
Leaving an ache deep within and yearning
to remember what makes a smile appear on the lips of a loved one.
Comforting words are as elusive as whispers in the wind
and the only thing that remains is the bitter cold.
Loneliness as complete and paralyzing as a child losing its parents.
Falling, falling . . . Fall to the ground
so many times do not know how to get up again.
Looking for a way to continue on, but to no avail.
The chaos is the only continuous state
within this desolate place.
Reality fades in and out with the
virtual false charade that this
world pretends to be.
Can see through the haze
but sometimes question
"Could it be?"
Then I blink and the haze clears
to reveal the broken state of my soul.
*Can someone be alone around people?*

I constantly feel the same way, and it is so overwhelming at times I think it is going to literally kill me. I constantly get cut off in mid sentence, or am excluded completely out of conversations. I get bumped into when there is open space all around me. Getting someones attention is always exhausting. I have many people I consider friends, but I can't talk to any of them, and sometimes when I try to I get interrupted and the subject changes. Being ignored is a day to day occurrence for me, and I always find myself wondering who would actually noticed if I just disappeared. I sympathize whole-heatedly, and I can assure you, you are not alone in feeling this way.