The way I feel

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So I work in a clinic doing vital signs and basic assessments and treatments under the supervision of a physician's assistant. The hours aren't bad at all and the pace is manageable. The only problem is I feel this growing sense of hatred for everyone who walks into the door for treatment. Some people really annoy me when they do minor things like not fill out the paperwork properly, or tell me straight up what they think I should do for them (I mean why see a doctor if you know how to treat yourself?). But what really gets under my skin is when people come in smiling at me like we're best friends. When it's obvious that someone needs medical help, only then do I not feel hateful towards them.

I think people can tell that I'm not enthused to be around them when I'm treating them. I try to be systematic and thorough, but I don't think I am hiding my feelings very well. I feel like I would somehow be violating myself if I were to act reciprocal to other people's expressed emotions, I think I'd rather cause myself physical pain. I know, I'm probably in the wrong job, but like it or not, I have to perform this job for the next 10 or so months.

If you've found yourself in a similar situation, how did you go about dealing with this on a day to day basis? Was there a way you could conceal how you felt?

I work in social services, not medicine, but I also work directly with people in need on a daily basis. I get frustrated with clients regularly, but do also have some clients that I 'click with' and/or can be successful in helping and that is what keeps me going through the bad days or bad situations. I've also found that approaching a situation with a difficult client as a learning experience can be helpful. I am not a people person by nature, but have learned so much about the human condition and dealing with people over the last few years I've been in social work. In retrospect, I can say some of my nightmare clients have given me more than I've given them in that they've helped me sharpen my people skills in a 'baptism by fire' sort of way.

If you find your feeling towards your work doesn't improve over time and you continue to be frustrated, you might want to sit down and think about what drew you to the field in the first place. Was it that you wanted to work with people or something else, like, for example, that you enjoy challenges and problem-solving? If it's something more along those lines, then maybe you'd be better off in medical research than working directly with patients in a clinic. There may other opportunities for you to use your talents and education that will be better-suited to your outlook or personality. A change in direction in a career path can feel like a set-back at the time, especially if it's a change that'll require you to get additional education, but sometimes it can really be for the best in the long-term if it means a chance at doing something with your life that suits you.

I really think many people with Asperger's can work in almost any field, as long as he/she can find the right niche within that field. And, from personal experience, I can say that sometimes finding one's niche can take a little trial and error. Not sure if that helps at all, but best of luck to you.