how to establish appropriate touch boubndaries and know them

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My friends boyfriend Dylan (both also aspie) is ok but he definitely has serious boundary issues not just with Chloe but with me too. A little while ago when all the blurred boundaries with Chloe started she thought to get to know each other it would be a good idea to get into our underwear I felt uncomfortable about it but did it anyway to try and make peace and also to be "friendly". Anyway he was trying to assure me that it was all ok and then he put his hand on my thigh I felt so uncomfortable but I didn't know what to say so I said nothing but I wish I had. I don't think it was him being sleazy I do think it was more him not knowing appropriate boundaries (due to him being tactile and having Asperger's) but that being said I still felt very uncomfortable. For me the good touch and bad touch is an area I have a lot of trouble with. How do I handle it Chloe keeps saying that he wont remember the incident, that he didnt mean anything by it etc (that is possible).

you cant be friends with girls simply cuz u end up messing around with them sooner or later.

i agree and i wish i had not gone along with it Dylan is too touchy feely for me I find it uncomfortable I don't with Chloe she uis different.

if ure fine with it just go with the flow, dont take pressure or her having hands wherever. its her choice. dont feel bad about it, just see how it goes. tell her to stop being so pushy if ure not interested or want to do so.

WEll I have made it clear that with her it is ok but not with him as they say different rules apply for different people he makes me feel uncomfortable coz he is male and I don't know him she doesn't.

Why didn't you just say "this makes me uncomfortable, please don't touch me there". It's your body and you have the right to say no to anything that makes you uncomfortable.

What lead to the three of you ending up in your underwear? What does that have to do with getting to know each other?

With regard to doing things of this nature, there is nothing wrong with saying "No, I don't want to do this". The reason for doing this sort of thing shouldn't be "I'll go along with this to be friendly" because it's not just friends sort of stuff.

Yeah, it sounds to me like he was trying to get a threesome going and was being creepy and indirect about it.

I am not good at saying I don't like that or please don't do that I think it goes back to when I was a kid and mum would say oh so and so doesn't mean anything by it and stuff like that. The underwear thing was about Chloe making me and Dylan feel "more comfortable" I have told her since that it did anything but that and that in future I want no part of such a thing. For me I am easily pursuaded to do things that I dont feel comfortable with or feel are wrong I am the old easily led kind of person if enough pressure is put. Do I feel he was inappropriate yes but creepy deliberately no I actually don't think so like I said he is tactile and also asperger's so the boundaries for him are blurred as well but it still made me feel awkward. Chloe has known him a long time and says he isnt "like that" and that I was making him out to be a criminal I believe her but that being said things still need to be made very clear to him.

Frankly, I wouldn't worry about your relationship with Dylan at this point. The situation seems rather confusing to me, and I don't blame him for being confused and crossing your boundaries inadvertently. I would be really worried about your relationship with Chloe, though. Her boundary issues seem to be really problematic. I fear that she will get you into a situation that you will really not want to be in.

I agree with Yensid, Catster29 if Chloe was the person who initiated the situation, she may put you in similar situations in future. It's not really normal to strip down to your underwear with just friends, unless it is totally non-sexual (example in a changing room). It would be easy enough for her boyfriend to think you understood what stripping down to your underwear can mean.

Do you have other friends than Chloe that you can spend more time with?

Im feeling very anxious about the whole thing even though it happened a while ago it causes me to get panicy was Dylan being creepy no I don't think so did he overstep the mark for sure. I have made it clear that I wont be involved in any similar things underwear or nudity at all in future when Dylan is around. I like Chloe but her initiation did and has caused me anxiety coz like I said my good touch and bad touch radar isn't very good.

If you're unsure, it is always your right to say that you prefer no physical contact. If they can't accept this, you need to get away from them.