I really feel... that I'm losing my best friends

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This is going to be long and messy.

Chinese language was one of my interests for a while, so I spent two years in China.

I came back unnanounced and surprised my friends. Sadly only two of them still live in the same city as me (we'll call them friend 1 and friend 2). Friend 1 actually said when I met him that I'd come back at just the right time because he'd finished his degree and we would have lots of spare time to do fun geeky things together. Unfortunately both he's been so busy with bands and work that I go weeks without seeing or hearing anything from him. One time I told him that I've been feeling lonely and that it bothers me when he forgets to reply to my texts. He was apologetic but nothing changed.

Last week I wasn't going to see his band play because I felt angry that he'd been ignoring me so long, but another friend (we'll call him friend 3) who is still at university in a nearby city came over so I figured I could at least enjoy his company. I didn't speak much to friends 1 or 2, but I didn't ignore them either, I just made sure I spent more time meeting new people.

A few days ago friend 1 texted me saying some of them were at the pub and invited me to join them. I foolishly revealed my hand and asked if friend 3 was there, letting him know that I wasn't going to bother going for just friends 1 and 2. He texted back saying he was p'ed off and wasn't going to tell me. I said that I was only joking and that since it was late I probably wouldn't go (I've been learning to lie).

Now I'm waiting. Friend 1 must realise that I'm upset about the way he's been ignoring me. If he doesn't care enough to make an effort to put things right then obviously he can't give me what I need and I'm better off without him. Friend 3 will hopefuly still be part of my life when he's finished uni in a few months, and maybe he'll act as a go-between. In october I will join some societies run by my local university. Trampolining is a definate.

Friend 2 is presumably still unaware that anything is wrong.

I've known these people for a very long time and they're the smartest, funniest, and most tolerant people I have ever known. But I just can't deal with the disapointment and humiliation of being ignored for long periods of time. I just want to be involved in their lives on a regular basis. Is that so much to ask?

Apologies for the rant.

You shouldn't apologize for the rant. I've been dealing with the issue of losing friends. Only for me, it's because I'm leaving school and after I leave a school, I lose contact with my friends. Have you talked to any of them about this? Writing this down to seek advice was a good move. Now that you've tried that, see what advice you receive, take bits and pieces you think would be effective in solving this and talk with your friends. See how that goes...

Thanks for the reply.

I don't want to be the one to bring it up because I feel that they will only take it seriously if they are forced to notice it for themselves. Of course I may be wrong...

Don't underestimate your friends if they have proven to be tolerant and compassionate.

Things are actually looking up. Someone I met last week who is a mutual friend of myself and friends 1 and 2 invited me to church today and we ended up all chatting and joking together. Maybe having more acquaintances in common with them will increase the amount of time I spend with them. It's not the solution I was imagining, but it's a potential solution nonetheless.

P.S. thanks to everyone for your ideas and suggestions. I'm reading and re-reading all of them.

I hope that things work out for you in the future and that you can get your friends back into your life.