Do you doubt that you actually have autism?

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I got diagnosed late in life (at 21) as a result of going to a psychiatrist for an ADHD test and I was very happy about being diagnosed with autism because I suddenly had a legitimate excuse to a loner and social failure. Despite the fact that I more than fit the criteria for high functioning autism I feel like I'm using it as an excuse. I was diagnosed with ADD on top of the autism and despite the fact that amphetamines and other so called stimulants tranquilise me I still can't refute the theory that ADHD doesn't exist that is presented by some people. I don't know what its like in other peoples heads/brains so I have no way of knowing whether things are the same for everyone else or not. With all that said, its pretty clear that the most plausible explanation for me being the way I am is that I have a condition called high functioning autism because there are thousands of people across the world with this condition that display the same abnormal traits I do but I can't overcome the idea that if I have no social life then I'm some kind of failure as a human. This is most likely the result of years of conditioning and an indication of how brainwashed I am. With all that said I do happily enjoy my freedom to be a loner and social abnormality without the shame that I used to get when I thought I was supposed to be like everyone else, its only when I start doubting that I actually have autism that it comes back to me. How is it for you? Also for people who were diagnosed early in life: are you completely free of the idea that you have an obligation to be normal or do you still get that?

I don't have a diagnosis for autism, AS or otherwise. It feels like it fits, but I often doubt because of how seemingly wide a spectrum it is. I've seen people with AS who are easily identifiable. Then I see people who are fairly high functioning (like the girl on America's next top model) and who'd I never presume in a million years has AS.

If you have a diagnosis and still doubt i'd ask myself.. is it worth the time? There is so much going in, obsession aside is this really worth the time and energy i'm putting into it? Pretty big tangent here, but still you fit all the criteria, really what else is there?

I did have some doubts during depressive periods that I may have had something other, or at least something as well as, AS, but right now I think it is the closest classification that relates to me of the diagnoses I know of.

I wouldn't say completely free, but much much more free of the idea than I once was, mainly because at that time I was amongst many peers who faulted me and didn't think me as "normal". I've been away of these people for a long time, and am able to take a look at myself and say that I don't need to be the perfect description of what most define "normal", and instead be an individual rather than a sheep.

Sometimes a part of me doubts I have HFA, but I'm sure I have it.

I don't feel like it totally fits. I am actually diagnosed with PDD-NOS, which I think fits better because I do some autistic tendencies, but it's really mild, even milder than a lot of people with AS.

Oh yes. All the time. But yet all I have to do is face the facts and it's so obvious that I do have it. I mean, which makes more sense:

A: I have AS, and just about everything that goes along with it.

B: I am an extremely shy and introverted NT that cannot understand small talk and other pointless crap and as a result has very few friends and appears to be antisocial, and one that has very specific interests to focus on, one that often has odd facial expressions, has problems with eye contact, has mild social anxiety, is overly sensitive, likes to have a routine, and has problems with multitasking and doing things quickly, but yet is very intelligent and creative in an extremely abnormal way.

It's possible that I don't have it, but AS just makes too much sense.

If anything, I would rather find that I do not have AS. Having AS means that I actually do have social disabilities, and I like to pretend that I can pass for an NT. There are pros to having AS, but whether I have it or not I notice the positive side of it much more than the negative, which as I have said, I try my hardest to ignore.

Last edited by SammichEater on 18 Apr 2011, 6:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sometimes, but then I look at my antisocial tendencies, and I feel that even if I don't have autism, it's a good cover.

In all seriousness, I was diagnosed with a very light case of AS when I was 12/13-ish years old, whether I would still today, Idk. I know that I fit a lot of the descriptions more than a normal person, and I know that it is a part of my identity.

Sometimes, but it explains so much of what's happened in my life that the doubts don't linger for long. Nothing else explains it so well and so completely.

~Kate

I have spent much of my life trying to either "overcome" or hide various Aspergers/autistic traits. I did this long before I had even heard of AS ... which is why I have no doubt about my self-diagnosis. You can do things to adapt and appear normal to the world but there is nothing you can do to overcome autism itself. My wife is in complete agreement with me ... I just ordered Tony Attwood's book to educate myself more about AS and she replied by saying "why do you need a book, you live it every day."

I was diagnosed at 35 by a neuropsychiatrist as 'very high functioning' AS.

Personally I have my doubts; I suspect it's just the end result of being highly introverted and neurotic, leading to little social experience and a fear or, well, most things including eye contact. I don't feel much of a need to be social as such, although I still feel a need for intimacy ... an unfortunate combination.

I find it very difficult to judge if I display any of the more physical characteristics of AS (like stimming or an off gait); even if I do, they aren't unique to AS. I do nervously fiddle with most small item (a pen, scissors, the scroll wheel of the computer mouse) most of the time, but that could just be the nervousness. The same goes for the gait: people have said I have a characteristic walking style, but that's probably just because I walk fast. I like walking.

Same here. When I remember this kinda thing it seems like incontravertible evidence that I have it but in times when I'm doubting it I temporarily forget the evidence from the past. I can relate 100% to trying to "overcome" or hide the traits. This is exactly what destroyed my self esteem over the years. I had the idea that anything anyone else can overcome I can overcome too but I found it a near impossible task since I didn't even know exactly what I was trying to overcome. I felt dishonest for trying to cover up the way I really am and felt like I had some deep rooted psychological problems that were causing me to be the way I am. At work one day (before I was diagnosed) I overheard one of the guys talking to the boss and he described me as "f****d up" and I heard the boss defending me saying "hes not f****d up" like he felt sorry for me or something. Nobody would ever say that to my face that was just a rare occasion where I happened to overhear someone talking about me. Yeah mulling over the past it becomes pretty obvious that I do have HFA.

Reading this reminded me of myself so much I started chuckling. Must have been pretty loud because my brother just came into the room to ask me what I was laughing about. When I read it out to him I skipped the stuff about AS. He's worried enough about me as it is.

Figure I may aswell throw my 2 cents into the ring. Personally I choose to believe that I am normal. This is for two reasons. Firstly because I feel that labels should only be used if someone is abnormal enough to actualy need special help and considerations. I worry that if too many high-functioning people describe themselves as being autistic then the meaning of the word becomes diluted, and the people who really need help are forgotten. The second reason is that I don't want to give myself any excuses for not trying, or make a problem worse by obsessing over it.

Yes, I suspect I simply possess communication difficulties somewhere in the receptive or expressive area and/or possibly communication-related memory problems.

Sometimes but then I'm reminded that everyone around me is being completely ignorant of what I'm going through and that I should be trusting myself to know where my limitations are and where I could have potential. In fact from what I sort out about myself I'm convinced that I might be a little more low functioning than AS.

Also after my diagnosis, I was kinda stupid into thinking that I could still live a normal life and still exhibit normal social behaviors. Boy did college ever prove me wrong.

I wish.

I doubt myself all the time. But then I remember that when read the stuff that people put here, it's sometimes precisely how I am or how I feel things. For the first time, I could really relate to someone. Some people here have summed up my feelings, my confusions, even some of my views of the world almost to the letter. I don't know them and they don't know me, but I've never felt like I understood or was understood until I signed up for Wrong Planet. That's got to count for something.