i live in washington dc. it really sucks because all the people here are aholes. the government is full of pushy, rich, unrealistic people who play to win and can never have it any other way. i feel that being brought up in this culture has made me more violent and mean. whenever i go anywhere else in america i actually notice people who are being dbags, it surprises me when i see this because i always thought that one had to be a dbag to survive. i do not know anything about being nice. it always seems to me that the only way forward that i can see is power struggles. however i know that because i have autism and i am unpopular i will likely lose any power struggle i decide to engage in. i am afraid of my own way of thinking and philosophy i know that i put it together to cope with a bad situation and get stupid people out of my life. i am worried that while my thinking will deal with my situation well i will soon start to burn out. i know that i can't live my life this quickly and i know that i can not live well in a continual cycle of being abused, seeking revenge, going through denial, and hurting myself.