Nostalgia & Jealousy

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Looking at old photos that are making me wish I was someone I'm not. Nostalgia and jealousy are a potent combo, I've found.

It's rare that I really get down on myself, but really, when it comes down to it, what am I, in comparison to my brother?

A little bit of background, though. My brother and I are identical twins. Genetically, we're 99.9% identical. We don't exactly look like it, though. Most people can tell us apart relatively easily, up close; they can tell we're brothers, but not that we're identical. But that's in part due to our difference in physical appearance.

I got stuck with the short end of the stick, physically, so to speak, as well as having AS. I feel physically inferior to him, as well as being socially inferior as well, as if that wasn't enough to begin with. I'm several inches shorter (I'm 5' 5", he's 5' 9") a substantial amount lighter (I'm 105 lbs, he's 120 lbs), I'm visually impaired (a lazy eye, and near-sighted to the point where trying to get my driver's license isn't really worth it; and my brother has perfect vision and normal eyes), I have audible breathing (due to a TE fistula repair) and a number of obvious, unflattering scars across my abdomen.

And, on top of that, there's my AS to take into account, and everything that comes with that. I shouldn't even have to explain that, I would hope.

I just love it... Just f*****g love it... Just love how he's everything I'm not... And never will be. At least, not truly, anyway.

To sum it up, here's a quote from Ferris Beuller's Day Off. It's Cameron talking to Sloane about Ferris. It's how I feel about my brother and myself, sometimes: "Yeah. As long as I've known him, everything works for him. There's nothing he can't handle. I can't handle anything. School, parents, the future. Ferris can do anything."

i totally feel ya zokk. my younger brother's in college right now, and he's talking of things like f***Ing graduate school and master's degrees.

My brother and I arent twins, but I felt the same about him untill I took a step back and really saw who he was, and where he is in life.
When I "saw" my brother for the first time, his girlfriend had just left him. Thats when I saw that his life is far from perfect.
When you take a step back and try to "see" your twin, you may not notice anything right away. But the main point is, You are not your brother. That means you cant compare yourself to him all the time. I still make that misteak sometimes, but I just shake it off and continue being ME.
You should try setting some goals for yourself. Not goals like "I want to do better than my bro at *insert activity here*" But goals that arent like his, goals that are in a field seperate from his.
Lastly, always rember that he is still your family. He doesnt have to be your role-model, but you can still ask for his advice in anything you feel comfortable talking about. But he will always be your brother, that doesnt mean he has to be your mentor.