I really don't know what to do with my life anymore...

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Cypherthefox1
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03 May 2011, 2:26 pm

I just want to be normal and happy...
I was born into quite an unusual countercultural family. We are quite poor, and I didn't have much in common with other kids at school. For the whole of my life I've thought normal = bad or wrong in some way. But I see other teens my age (I'm 16) having so much fun, playing football, going out drinking, and generally just being happy with life. But all I do is sit on a computer all day and waste me life...
Of course i've always had trouble fitting in (thats why i'm here, right?) but I can't help feel that if I were raised with a normal family, maybe I would have a degree of stability and normality, and just maybe be happy right now... I'm so bored with my life, its just the same thing over and over again. Day in, day out... I didn't leave school with many qualifications (I went to a special school due to bullying, and I freak out in exams) so all I see ahead of me is 12,000 a year stacking shelves. I can't help but feel I'll be a lonely weirdo forever, or like I'll never achive independence or experience true happiness. I just feel really sad, lonely and worried about my future right now... On top of all this, I've got a brother going into the navy, a sister dying of brain tumours and a depressed father who could drop dead of a heart attack any minute. I just feel helpless, and like I'm not in control of anything anymore. It feels like everything is spinning out of control and theres no light at the end of the tunnel... A while ago I thought I had a chance at a good life, but I see now how wrong that is...
I hope you're not all reading this thinking i'm being emo or something, its rare I talk about these things to others...



purchase
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03 May 2011, 3:12 pm

You sound like you have way too much to handle on your own. Do you see a doctor or therapist about these things?



Cypherthefox1
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03 May 2011, 3:18 pm

purchase wrote:
You sound like you have way too much to handle on your own. Do you see a doctor or therapist about these things?


My dad is worried i'll get diagnosed with depression and people won't employ me in the future... So basically, no, and if I did they wouldn't approve.



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03 May 2011, 3:28 pm

A diagnosis of depression isn't a barrier to employment. In fact it's certifiable proof that any time you may have spent not working was justified (by illness). Anyway, you're only 16, it doesn't seem like you would be expected to have that much experience in any field at this point. I hope you are able to see a doctor or therapist about this because you are going through very tough things and they could help you.



Cypherthefox1
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03 May 2011, 3:38 pm

purchase wrote:
A diagnosis of depression isn't a barrier to employment. In fact it's certifiable proof that any time you may have spent not working was justified (by illness). Anyway, you're only 16, it doesn't seem like you would be expected to have that much experience in any field at this point. I hope you are able to see a doctor or therapist about this because you are going through very tough things and they could help you.


I've been dealing with it one day at a time. Most of the time I just kind of switch off to it all, listen to music and talk to online friends, it kind of helps but not even that has been helping recently. I'm not considering suicide or self harm, because I know how much worse that would make things for everybody else... But I really do feel hopeless, and I wish I could just sleep, dream and never wake up... I'll try to find some sort of therepist or doctor in the near future, because what i'm going through right now is soul crushing. I'm always told by everybody else to keep strong too, but I can't really deal with it on my own anymore...



USMCnBNSFdude
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04 May 2011, 4:29 pm

First off, are you actually an aspie? Or do you just think you're weird? If you're an aspie, than these feelings aren't a result of depression. If anything, you'll be diagnosed an aspie, not depressed. And either way, I don't think it'll hurt a job interview, because judging by your description of personal life your AS can't be that serious.



OneStepBeyond
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04 May 2011, 7:14 pm

You're so young. There's still so much time for everything to change!
You need something to focus on and make yourself feel productive. Maybe enrolling on a college course? (not the american type of college if you're in the US). You could pick something coursework based so you have no exams; might meet new friends; will gain qualifications and it will distract your mind from home problems.
Can't change the family we're born into unfortunately so no point thinking 'what if', believe me it will drive you nuts.



Cypherthefox1
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05 May 2011, 1:04 am

USMCnBNSFdude wrote:
First off, are you actually an aspie? Or do you just think you're weird? If you're an aspie, than these feelings aren't a result of depression. If anything, you'll be diagnosed an aspie, not depressed. And either way, I don't think it'll hurt a job interview, because judging by your description of personal life your AS can't be that serious.


I was diagnosed when I was 6 yeard old...



sunshower
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05 May 2011, 2:30 am

USMCnBNSFdude wrote:
First off, are you actually an aspie? Or do you just think you're weird? If you're an aspie, than these feelings aren't a result of depression. If anything, you'll be diagnosed an aspie, not depressed. And either way, I don't think it'll hurt a job interview, because judging by your description of personal life your AS can't be that serious.


er... on what grounds do you base that?

Anyway, it's perfectly possible to be both and aspie and be depressed. To the OP: It sounds like you're experiencing depression so I would recommend at least seeing your local GP about it even if it's too difficult to arrange to see a specialist.


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peterd
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05 May 2011, 7:13 am

Look at it this way: the reason life's unbearable at the moment is that the normals define their lives without taking us into account.

If you can, by living well, studying your disability, and not going along with the status quo, make life one degree less unbearable for someone in the generations that will follow us, then you will have done well.