I just want to be normal and happy...
I was born into quite an unusual countercultural family. We are quite poor, and I didn't have much in common with other kids at school. For the whole of my life I've thought normal = bad or wrong in some way. But I see other teens my age (I'm 16) having so much fun, playing football, going out drinking, and generally just being happy with life. But all I do is sit on a computer all day and waste me life...
Of course i've always had trouble fitting in (thats why i'm here, right?) but I can't help feel that if I were raised with a normal family, maybe I would have a degree of stability and normality, and just maybe be happy right now... I'm so bored with my life, its just the same thing over and over again. Day in, day out... I didn't leave school with many qualifications (I went to a special school due to bullying, and I freak out in exams) so all I see ahead of me is 12,000 a year stacking shelves. I can't help but feel I'll be a lonely weirdo forever, or like I'll never achive independence or experience true happiness. I just feel really sad, lonely and worried about my future right now... On top of all this, I've got a brother going into the navy, a sister dying of brain tumours and a depressed father who could drop dead of a heart attack any minute. I just feel helpless, and like I'm not in control of anything anymore. It feels like everything is spinning out of control and theres no light at the end of the tunnel... A while ago I thought I had a chance at a good life, but I see now how wrong that is...
I hope you're not all reading this thinking i'm being emo or something, its rare I talk about these things to others...